I recently married my long time boyfriend. The other day I was going through some stuff in the basement and I found a secret stash of video. Of course I was like what is this... So I watched them and most of them where videos that he made of me in secret, but one of them was him with a different woman. The video was old (it was shot in a house he lived in about 4 or 5 years ago). It was during an on/off time of our relationship, I dont know it is from an on or an off time during our relationship. Our relationship is solid now and we are married and happy, but how would you feel/react? Why does he have this video and how should I feel or react to the videos of myself?
2006-12-16 12:17:47 · 22 answers · asked by spoildbiach 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i'd be worried that he is secretly filming you -- who cares about the other girl--red flag!!!!!!
2006-12-16 12:21:14 · answer #1 · answered by gabby 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I'm not an American but I married one. Soooooooo......I know how Americans keep stuff even if they don't use them that much. If you are happy with your husband, why to bring up the past? Leave it where it is, in the dust of a basement. He might not even remember that video. My husband had photos of his two ex-wives that he did not even know where there. He had so much junk, but so much junk that I could not believe my eyes. OK, you got it, the marriage did not last, I am back to my country and he is in his basement and attic dusty world but I am just trying to tell you that guys do that, Americans do that, they love keeping stuff, no criticism, just telling you what I went thru.
PS - by the way, I did not leave him because of all that he kept in the house, so, move on and be happy!
2006-12-16 20:25:53 · answer #2 · answered by Butterfly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be surprised and a little upset if I found something like that. That is invading on your privacy and trust with him and the relationship that the two of you have, eventhough it's in the past. You never know if he could be doing that same thing now. It's wrong because then you don't know if he ever showed that tape to anyone. Don't get caught up in that, clear that up now with him. So what if he gets mad and questions why you went through his things. If he wanted to do something like that, he should have asked you instead of doing it on the low.
2006-12-16 20:24:33 · answer #3 · answered by Wonderwoman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would feel uncomfortable about it.
Though it is likely he made the tape when he wasn't with you, it's not exactly something that should still be lying around.
I don't even like thinking or hearing about who my boyfriend had relations with before he and I got together, let alone seeing a tape of him and another woman.
In my opinion, he should've thrown the tape out long ago.
If things are strong between you now, I would just throw the tape out and not even mention you found it.
However, if it really bothers you, talk to him about it.
He should be understanding of your feelings.
How would he react if there was such a tape of you and another man?
2006-12-16 20:26:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all u ppl saying this is an invasion of HIS privacy, in thier house are just freaking crazy!!!!!!!!! The invasion of privacy has occured on his part, secretly videotaping you? That is the issue. And you definately need to deal with it. Wow, what if you had never found these tapes and broke up and he put them out there? Or you had children and they found them. That is a total violation of your rights to be secretly videotaped, and may even be illegal. what's really disturbing is that your question is about the other woman, not why is he secretly videotaping you!
2006-12-16 20:50:27 · answer #5 · answered by screwed in Illinois 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask him. you are in on and off relationship that time, does it mean that you were on the time out or you were not together on that time? You should be clear about when was this video made....
He is with you know and the video was in the past, but any women will be bothered if they found out. Ask him nicely...
2006-12-16 20:21:52 · answer #6 · answered by AlisonJonshon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well.....if things are good now you might want to write this off to dumb guy stuff and give him a pass. Throw it out....or better yet destroy them but give him a pass. We all do stupud things we regret. You might also just let him know you found them, your unhappy he did this but you understand he was a different person then. That you would like them destroyed and you want to just move forward.
Good Luck
2006-12-16 20:23:26 · answer #7 · answered by clo_esp 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a really touchy subject.... on one hand it is natural to feel a little "weird" about finding those tapes. on the other hand, he may feel as if you "violated" his space by finding these tapes and confronting him about it.
when people are in question about relationships and things of the such, i tell them, " if the good far out-weighs the bad, move on and focus on making and keeping things good". i believe this may be good for your situation. something like this can blow out of proportion and fester into something big, like trust issues.
i hope this helps and good luck.
2006-12-16 20:25:07 · answer #8 · answered by smoothbd52 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, the damage is done. You discovered that your husband recorded you on video without your knowledge. Let him know that you discovered those videos and that you feel uncomfortable about them. See how he responds and go from there.
2006-12-16 20:30:24 · answer #9 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He secretly taped you!!! That's the bigger problem, not the other woman (at least not right now.) Why would he:
A. do this
B. hide this
C. keep doing this
Sounds like there are some skeletons in the closet. I think you're in for a difficult discussion. Try to present it to him calmly.
2006-12-16 20:20:49 · answer #10 · answered by fredtubbs 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
This man has violated you, making secret videos of you. (This is more of an issue than who else he made a video of)
2006-12-17 03:09:26 · answer #11 · answered by Sweetgirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋