Unhappy Relationship?

Question

I am in an unhappy relationship which is sometimes violent with a child, I work with the loveliest man who I have fallen for, the problem is he already has a partner but he always flirts with me, should I tell him how I feel or will I make an idiot of myself as he is an all round nice guy and perhaps is kind to everyone? Am I just inclined towards him because I am so unhappy? I genuinelly feel we could make something together and am besotted with him. Please can anyone offer any advice, it would be much appreciated.

Answer 1

Leave the violent relationship first. For the sake of you and your child.

Only then will you be able to see clearly on if and when you are ready for a new relationship.

Answer 2

I'll start off with this: My wife and I were once in this exact situation. I felt the EXACT same way you did. Here's some advice after living through it that I wish someone would have told me: 1. You answer your own question. Your own insecurity makes this an unhappy relationship for you. And as much as you think she doesn't, she recognizes your insecurities and is with you right now. Have more confidence in yourself. Don't blame yourself if she doesn't seem "jovial." Relax, stop analyzing everything she does. That coupled with your insecurity will only drive her away, and could be a huge reason she's quiet around you. Perhaps she's quite because she perceives you as insecure and she knows every move she makes is under a microscope. Having to constantly tell her how you feel or show affection is not you showing love, it's you reaffirming your relationship because you are insecure. 2. I'm not being rude, but having this mantality, will really, really, really help. It did wonders for my relationship. Pick up the gonads the good Lord gave you and reclaim as yours. Wear them proudly. Be a man. Sometimes that's what women want. I'm not saying treat her like crap. Start with small stuff. Make it goal to not say "I love you" to her until she says it to you. It's not proving a point, its more keeping yourself from over doing it with all the feelings. Progress from there. When you're watching a movie, it's not always grab *** time, sometimes, it's just to watch a movie. 3. She is guarded because she's a single mother. YOU WILL NEVER BREAK DOWN THAT GUARD...EVER. You need to respect it, and understand it. She has been hurt. Badly. She gave birth to a man's baby, and he left. That hurts and always will. And now you can restore her faith and you show your insecurity? How can she be secure in your relationship if you're not? I know this is a lot, and there's probably 100's of more things I could tell you, but mainly, just relax and toughen up. She knows you love her and she obviously likes you. Just remember that. And just because she's the life of the party when you're out, doesn't mean she wants to be at home. Maybe at home, she just wants to quietly relax in the company of a good man. Be that good man. My wife is the life of every party, and when its just us at home, we can go hours not saying a word to each other. And it's a comfortable silence. Whether we're both watching TV or reading books, or doing different things. It our time to decompress together. There was time I thought that meant there was something wrong, now it's the highlight of my day.

Answer 3

Please leave the violent man. For you and your child sake. I've been thru this myself and if your child is witnessing this mans behaviour towards you, they will think this is appropriate and have problems with their own relationships in the future. Also, if this man is violent towards you, how long will it be before he starts on the child. Don't say this won't happen, because, as much as you don't want to admit it, it can and will.

My violent relationship came to an end when my son's father smacked him around the face, causing bruising. He told a teacher what had happened, and because I hadn't reported the incident to the authorities my children were removed from my care. i am still currently fighting for the return of all 3 children.

As for the work colleague, don't do it. He is already in a relationship. It sounds as tho you desperatly want to leave your partner and are looking for someone to help you break free. Speak to any one you can possibly find. Its amazing just how much help is out there, (believe me i've been through it) If you have no close friends or family, try speaking to the Social Services or a police officer. These people are here to help you and I assure you if you seek the help before any thing major happens with your child you will not find yourself in my situation. The police actually have special officers trained in Domestic Violence.

I wish you all the luck in the world and my heart goes out to you. huni.

ps If you would like a bit of support I'm happy to lend a listening ear. My e-mail is [e-mail]

Answer 4

I think there is 2 separate issues here and your feelings are making them into one.

First of all, you need to get your child, pack your bags and get the hell out of there.
Go anywhere, a friends house, family, a refuge because you can't live in a violent relationship with a child.
It's not fair to your child or to yourself, you don't deserve this.

Your bound to look outside that relationship for affection, love and even a way to escape.
The fact this guy may be attracted to you makes no difrence, he has a partner so he's not the answer to your problems.
You have a big problems already, why complicate things even more?

Get out now, start fresh, get settled and in time look for someone who will love and respect you as he should.

Answer 5

Firstly if your relationship is violent you have to get out not only for you but for your child.
Your child will grow up to think that it is ok to e treated like that or to treat others like that and do you really want that???
I have two children to 2 fathers and my first relationship ended when I was 5 months pregnant because he was violent toward me.
I met someone else shortly after that who I thought I was In love with and had another child to him but It turned out 5 years later he was just as bad.
I fond myself in exactly the same situation as you.
Being I found myself falling for my manager at work And the difference of my experience was that he told me he was attracted to me.
I asked my ex of 5 years to leave thinking I could make a fresh start, However it didn't work out like that I soon relised that I wasn't attracted to him in the slightest and the only reason I thought I was, was simply because he treated me how every woman wants to be treated and made me feel like I was worth something!
Still I have no regrets because 1 year down the line I have met Someone who treats me like a lady and makes me feel more special than I ever though was possable And he loves my Kids.
You have to leave him if not for you then do it for your child!!
If I could find the courage then so can you!!
Good luck and take care ...

Answer 6

Number 1 - get out of that dangerous relationship and do it now. When you are single, not being abused and back on your feet again you won't need to be so easily drawn to the first person who is kind to you. You say he flirts with you but are you sure you are not reading more into it simply because you are so unhappy. He does already have a partner and I don't expect he's gonna dump her especially at Xmas. Fforget the men for now, your biggest priority is to get your child to safety.

Answer 7

if he is violent, then leave immediately, I realise it`s going down an unknown road but a man should never be violent to a woman, you have a kid, then you must leave the child is going to grow up in an unhappy atmosphere.

watch out for the flirt as that's possibly all he will be, see what happens when you leave your partner.

otherwise find another single person and have the great time in your life that you should be having.

its all peaks and troughs, so go for it, you`ll be up there again shortly.

Answer 8

if you get involved with this person are you bringing him in to a world of s.hit? i think you need to make a few decisions in life.
your current partner needs anger mgt class. after witch you need to talk see if you can bring in the good times. if you are not prepared to do that leave. either way you have a lot of sorting out to do. it's true what they say the grass is not greener on the other side. relationships take a lot of work if you dont want to work with current one you are going to have to work with future one.
make decisions that are going to inhance your life not hinder it. hope all works out

Answer 9

You need to get out of this relationship now because life is too short to live it unhappy.

Answer 10

Get out of that unhappy relationship,as soon as you can;before is too late.