After dealing with my now ex husband's affair and our subsequent divorce I have decided to move back to my home state when my son finishes school. I will need my ex's permission for this as we have joint custody. When I spoke to him about this he accused me of thinking only of myself. This from a man who decided to end his 10 year marriage because he was not happy. He actually said he could have stayed for our son's sake but he would be miserable.So, when I tell him I need to move to get past everything that has happened he tells me I need to put our son's interest first. Does this seem fair? I have been putting everyone else's interest first for a long time. Is it selfish to want to start my life over away from my ex and his new life? I need closure - is that so bad? I told my ex I will even pay for the Xmas, summer and sring break trips. I do not want to come between my ex and our son but should I be forced to stay where I am not happy??
2006-12-16 10:40:30 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
At this point in your relationship with your ex, I would say you have a right to live your life when and where you will be most happy. A happy Mom is a much better Mom. YES...do something for yourself. I don't think you're being selfish, I think you're being self-preserving. Godloveyou, honey and blessed holidays!
2006-12-16 11:27:26 · answer #1 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO you are not being selfish!!!!!!! He was selfish enough to cheat on you and break your heart was his son's best interest at mind when he was doin that?? HELL NO!! If he has started a new life why shouldn't you and you shouldn't pay for anything it was his selfishness and immature mistakes that put you guys and your son in this situation in the first place. Every action has consequences and repercussions and he has to own up to it and be the man that he wasn't when he hurt you. You have the right to move you have the right to do whatever you want. It is no longer your responsibility to think about his feelings because he didn't think about yours. and as for your son if he is ols enough you should sit down and talk to him about moving and see how he feels because although it is your right to get away you shouldn't take him away from what he knows without talkin to him first.
2006-12-16 18:50:38 · answer #2 · answered by Mickey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of the pitfalls of being a responsible parent is that we don't get to have the live we would have had if we had remained childless. I feel that putting the childs best interest first is the most important thing. Having said that your son needs to be physically close to his dad not just on holiday but everyday if possible. If you need to begin living your life so that your happiness superseeds your sons then I would suggest giving custody to the boys father. We all make choices. If yours is to move then you must do what is best for your son.
2006-12-16 18:53:41 · answer #3 · answered by gtahvfaith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont think you are being selfish,Im not sure how old your son is,but if I was going to stay for anyone it would be the son,what does he think? As far as the X you shouldnt give a rats a$$ what he thinks. Sounds to me like you have put everyone else ahead of yourself long enough,you are the only one that can make you happy,and if you are not happy then how can you take care of anyone else?Your x is the selfish one if you ask me.
2006-12-16 18:49:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How does your son feel about seeing his dad only during holidays and summers?
If he doesn't agree with this arrangement...should your son be forced to move to a place where he wont be happy?
None of it seems fair to me. But, as a parent....you don't get to be selfish anymore. And just because your spouse is or was....that doesn't make selfish decisions right.
A divorce and then a move.....that seems like a lot of adjusting for a kid.
just my opinion. hope things turn out for you and yours!
2006-12-16 18:51:07 · answer #5 · answered by clilly_56 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is the one not being fair. You have the right to live in peace, too. You can move where you want, and your son will be fine. Talk to your divorce lawyer and he can advise you the best way to handle this. I did not move away and have regretted it ever since. I wish I had the courage to move.
2006-12-16 20:08:09 · answer #6 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not being selfish in wanting closure in familar settings.
Yes, you are being selfish putting your wants ahead of your son's needs to have a dad.
Your husband's failure as a marriage partner does not include your right to fail as a mother for your son.
It isn't pretty. It isn't nice. But if your ex has the slightest ability to stay connected on a regular basis - please, please go for it. I work w/ kids and see the results.
2006-12-16 18:45:36 · answer #7 · answered by Joe Cool 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're still letting your ex screw you over.
2006-12-16 18:51:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YEs.
2006-12-16 18:43:19 · answer #9 · answered by S K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋