***Marriage or Divorce****?

Question

My wife and I have been apart since April 2006 as she moved out and blames me for all our marriage problems. She states that I cheated on her because I watch one porno video in addition to being violent verbally to her. I am a very laid back guy and she knows that and she provokes me until I react and when I do she blames me for the situation. I do not hit her but only yells. In addtion to a step son I do not get alone with because she babies him and that leaves him not being responsible to grow up productive as a man. Now his farther is back in the picture and she states she needs help which did not work out. She was to move back in on September 29 but when I got home the place was cleaned as she lied and moved all her stuff out. Now it is December 18, 2006 and we are moving in a new year. I need a woman to anwer this question. Should I move on with my life and get a divorce or keep trying? I am 37 years old and have no children or hourse. What should I do?

Answer 1

I'm a psychologist, and the place to figure this out is in family therapy. This lady is contributing to the problems, and will in her future relationships unless she stops and tries to get what we call insight into her contributions.

A person cannot be violent verbally- you can be violent physically. There are also some power dynamics going on between the mom and the son that are not good for the family hierarchy.

Why do people get married? I'll never know.

Answer 2

You entered into this relationship already somewhat behind the eight ball. There is a child involved in the relationship and that alone could be the greatest issue. You state you don't get along with the child because the mother babies him. How she treats him should have little or no bearing on how you feel about the child. However prior to getting involved past casual dating you two should have discussed parenting styles. This is almost always a HUGE issue for step-relationships. I have the same problem with my fiancee' but we gave slowly began to come to an understanding.

Now on to her. You say you are laid back and she will continue to argue and fight until she provokes you to the point of yelling. She is getting the response she wants. She may very well want out and needs a reason to leave. She needs to blame you so that she can go guilt free. If she does in fact need help but did not seek it from you, trust that she received it from somewhere else. Take the cues and get out. If she has not been back except to remove her belongings she has already emotionally left, don't hold the door open. Close it and move on to the next woman.

Answer 3

only you can answer that question... I guess the real question should be, am I willing to live like this 5 years from now? 10years from now? When we get married we basically say to ourselves, this is it... this is the best I can do. So if this is the best that ou can do then this is it or you can live on your own.
The biggest problem in all of our relationships is that we don't' communicate.. not really. Seems like she provokes you for a reason... there's something that she is not content with... so until you both fix that, the problem will just continue to repeat itself till the end of your marriage... divorce or death.... you know.
we all have different personalities and are attracted to what ever... there are people out there that you look at and you say, how can he live w/ that woman... all she does it nag him.... You feel sorry for the guy, but in reality he'd never leave her b/c he actually needs that in his life. Relationships are not black and white... there are all sorts of gray areas...I don't think that we know enough about yours to throw judgments around.
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Answer 4

There comes a time when one has to make a decision to move on, sometimes when other people have problems they need to have someone to blame...you have become that person. You are on an island by yourself in that situation. You can not have a marriage when you are living apart! Counseling would be a great idea but both of you have lots of work to do and both of you have to forgive and try to begin to work together.

Answer 5

How badly do you want the relationship to work? Counseling is your solution and you need to go first then ask her to go with you.
More importantly is you are approaching your Uranus opposition. I advise you find out how that will or may affect you. Many people will do what they have always wanted to do in life during the Uranus opposition. Most relationships can end during this time.
If this is a relationship you want to keep you will need to do whatever you can do and counseling will help you learn what that is. Your city should have a counseling program for those without a lot of income, if that is a problem for you. Good luck.

Answer 6

it looks like this woman likes a lot of drama. you could gather the whole family and all of you should talk about you guys problems. there could be a lack of communication but don't put all the blame on her, i'm quite sure you're not doing something on your part. try to figure out what you're doing wrong because she's probably not bickering at you for no simple reason. if talking doesn't work then what more can you do? but hopefully things work out for the better until then good luck with the relationship.

Answer 7

I'd never try to reheat a relationship -- a wise person once told me that the only thing good reheated was stuffed cabbage. Marriages are respect, admiration, passion and trust..... you two seem only to be fighting roommates. Marriage should have lovies, contentment, able to resolve differences without rage, time together, time with family, parties, and lots of smiles..... looks as if there is little of that here. You don't handle frustration well, and she, for whatever reason appears, from your note to like to goad you..... I don't get it, but this wouldn't be a relationship I'd like to continue.... life is tooooo short to spend it in hassles, hon.In your place, I'd get my life together and begin dating women who appreciate me. And if you need an attitude adjustment, a session or two of therapy might help.... you don't wish to attract this type of woman again, and you might like to figure our what you are doing wrong.

Answer 8

from what im getting i think before you divorce or move back in together you need to sit down and talk about everything thats not right in your relationship. have you been happier with her gone? has the stress been relieved? youve been apart for a while. if you havent worked things out what makes you think that moving back in together is going to fix anything. you dont sound happy to me. sometimes breaking up and letting it go is the hardest part. if you get back together again, whos to say your not going to go through this again and cause your relationship to go through more pain. maybe you should be friends for awhile and see if you can regain the relationship you once had. as for the porn, i know how she feels i feel the same way. its just not for everyone. if you want to talk more email me at [e-mail]

Answer 9

honestly i would move on . you are still young and you can find a women that will treat you better, by watching porn film does not mean your cheating. move on and have fun. you will find the right woman for you. Maybe 2007 will be more fun and a happy year for you. make it that way you can do it. Have a merry christmas and a Happy new year.

Answer 10

It sounds like there could be some deep issues here. You need to decide if you are willing to work on these--is she? Were you happy with her? Making it work might be tough--is what you had worth it? Remember that it takes two--you both have to be willing to compromise to resolve issues. Put yourself first, and do what you believe you need to do. Divorce is tough too. You just need to decide if you are better off with or without her, emotionally. Listen to your heart.