I am married for one year with my boyfriend who was for six years my boyfriend in my country but now he brought me to europe and we are married here...this is my first anniversary and i love to give him somthing as present. but he told me it s better to pay the rent instead of a present..and I found it a bit harsh and unfair...he talks the most of times about money and nothing else...I have been too patient because I loved him and still I do...now beacuse i work but my sallery is more less than him now he said about 1 year i paid every thing and now you have to pay for rent or half of it. now please hlep me consideration these thing az i explained shoule i pay for rent or spare some thing for his anniversary or do another thing beacuse i dont want him to take advantage of me.dear peopleI have lost my mother a week after I came to europe to my husband and my father is ill...and i am alone here in Europe feeling desperately somebody to tell me what to do here..
2006-12-16 09:53:19 · 6 answers · asked by Lida 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is difficult for someone who has come from another country and feels alone and isolated because that is what I am hearing from you more than the money for a gift. A gift from the heart is what I recommend. It does not require money to pay attention to him. You were boyfriend and girlfriend for 6 years before coming to the USA so you know him like the back of your hand. Find a gift of love that allows both of you to share... a gift of your time together doing something special that reminds you of some of the happy moments while your were dating.
I don't know if you were from Eastern Europe or even Russia. I am guessing because of how I see how you write your thoughts. Please as a couple or by yourself find a church and get involved. I know most people in Eastern Europe were brought up without religion or it's value minimized but get involved just the same. By helping others, I do not dwell on what is not right in my own life because I find joy in making other people's life a little better than I found it.
I don't know if there is a single--all-knowing God but I do know that I believe in a power geater than myself. When I reach out to others, I come face to face with that greater power and it helps me stay focused on what is important and what is really an issue of boredom and lonliness. Please find a group or a church or friends from your homeland and reach out and ask for help. I know it is scary but I also know it works. Take the lonliness and isolation off of your shoulders and do something positive. Positive actions are contageous...they will infect you while helping others. : )
Hope that helps
2006-12-16 10:13:12 · answer #1 · answered by Bob 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all he's the man. He should be paying for everything in your marriage. His money is yours and on the other hand any money you make is just as rightly his. Ask him what would happen if you ever had kids. Will he expect you to keep working or will you be able to stay home with the kids. That might clue you in to what he really thinks of manhood and family values.
As far as the gift goes. Don't buy what you can't afford. You're acting like it's only your money. It's not just your money, it's both of yours because you are married. If you truly want to get him a gift, quit working. It sounds like working has given you a big head and has left your man completely feeling as if he can't support you.
If you buy that gift your rubbing it in his face that he has no control over you and money isn't important to you. Since he sees money making as his job, he'll see it as if he isn't important to you. So buy if you want to show him how meaningless he is.
2006-12-16 18:21:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
perhaps the cost f living is too high in this new country or your husband is trying to save money for something special. I would suggest you sit down and ask him to show you all the cost of running your home and where the money is going so that you get a clear picture, If he refuses then tell him you can not contribute until you know where your money is going, this is only fair
2006-12-16 18:03:48 · answer #3 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he should not control all of the money, u should have a sy in how it is spent, need to talk to him, tell him how this is hurting u,and if he doesn't respond to u in a good way, maybe u are with the wrong man. life is too short to live as u do. maybe go back to your country be with your dad.
2006-12-16 18:45:29 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart and dont listen to what other people have to say.
2006-12-16 17:57:00 · answer #5 · answered by vw chick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you are his sugar mamma, I have some bills you can pay, my rent needs paid.....
2006-12-16 19:32:27 · answer #6 · answered by brianna0399 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋