I know this is really naive but this is a young teen's view. I've been going out with this guy for a little more than 3 years. Two years ago, we kept saying "I will love you forever" but I asked..."what forever?" At that time, I was in love with him a lot that we both thought of marriage when we grow up but...I was about 13-14 years old.
Like I said, "Naive". Now, I'm not so serious about it but he keeps asking "get married?" every once in a while. One time I said "Well, it's too early" and he got so upset. So, now, I keep saying "yes" just so he can stop getting upset but I hate lying. I've matured since and now I find it a ridiculous idea to think of matrimony.
Tell me how to do this without upsetting him. I really don't want to make him so upset to know the truth that there really are other people but I know it's like saying "I will break up with you later". He's going to college next year and I'll still be in high school...
So...any ideas?
2006-12-16 09:49:43 · 19 answers · asked by Onyx 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First off all just be honest. I know it's cliche but how would you feel if you were in his shoes. He deserves to now the truth. If you keep lying or not telling your true feelings then the situation will get harder to end or it will get worse. Your guy might be planning a wedding, a future, anything based on what he hears (not on what you say) and especially not on your feelings because he doesn't really know how you feel. Although, in the world today you must be cautious because you never know.
If your are hoping he finds someone new in college where he breaks up with you it is a possibility but don't count on it. Furthermore, there are just too many "ifs".
If it becomes too hard please get help from someone you can actually speak with, someone with experience that can guide you or moderate. What you are going through is common, almost universal but the ending is not always the same because of the uniqueness of the people involved.
2006-12-16 10:07:20 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is so weird! It's usually the guy that turns into the commitment phobe! He must really really love you! But because you met and went out together at such a young age, this was bound to happen. You're going to have to be honest with him and tell his that things aren't working out and this is not what you want out of life. Hopefully he'll understand, but if he turns into a stalker, keep a can of mace close to hand at all times!! Only joking, but if you were to even THINK about marrying him because you couldn't bear to be honest with him, you would be a very silly girl! Marriage is not even an option here!
2006-12-16 18:52:46 · answer #2 · answered by Megafunk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same drill with a couple girls friends when very young. As you get older the romantic fantasy of marriage gives way to reality. I've had at leasta dozen girl friends and almost all ended with me getting hurt or them. It really can't be avoided. If you still like him hang in there until he leaves. He'll find new interests and the problem will go away but if you want to date others now bite the bullet and break up. He'll survive.
2006-12-16 17:56:01 · answer #3 · answered by Michael da Man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't think you will end up with him later on, why are you wasting your time with him now?
There are other people out there.
The question is: Do you want to be with those other people?
If the answer if yes, you need to tell him.
It sounds like he is far more serious than you and this is a problem on many different levels.
Don't wait until he actually buys you a ring to tell him that he isn't the one you want to be with.
Hope this helped.
Good luck!
You're still young, explore your options, just don't string someone along in the meantime.
2006-12-16 17:55:05 · answer #4 · answered by Desiree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At one time I hated women and then one dayI asked that question and got married.Lasted 22 yrs and that was 10 yrs ago,Finally met someone very special and asked again and she said yes.Now I am not sure if I really want togo thru w/this idea. There are new issues about being single for both of us.So I guess the sigle life will continue.Nowe are not close anymore.
2006-12-16 17:55:10 · answer #5 · answered by Donald D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, congratulations on loving him enough to want to be honest with him.
Second, congratulations on loving him enough to want him to grow up.
Third, congratulations on liking yourself enough to mature w/o a dependence on how he is feeling. He would black mail you for life w/ that one.
His being hurt is your concern, BUT his responsibility. He sounds emotionally dependent, most likely using y ou to get through h.s. bf/gf roller coaster. If you do like/love him now or in the past, help he deal with this now, before he gets to college and his friends/family support system will be so much less.
"Jack, you're a special friend. We've liked each other for ____ years. Now I need some space to find myself as I start thinking about my life. This is going to hurt both of us alot and it will be hard because things will be so different. I am convinced that this is what is best for me."
Don't waffle, don't negotiate, don't drag it out, don't look back. You have shown you have moxy and are smart.. Use it.
2006-12-16 18:02:38 · answer #6 · answered by Joe Cool 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is always the best policy...You should tell him that you think you are too young to think about marriage. It's a big step and it is not to be taken lightly. That for now, you think it may be best to be friends and in time see other people. And in a reasonable amount of time you both feel marriage is the right step, then you will discuss it...But right now, you know that you are not ready for marriage.
2006-12-16 18:10:31 · answer #7 · answered by onecrazypeach 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well....YOU dont know that you'll break up with him later...so what would be the point of saying anything like that? Just go with the flow....but you could mention you dont want to get married or have children with anyone until you are closer to 30.
2006-12-16 18:06:33 · answer #8 · answered by Scully 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First love are the best... but at the same times... we don't say first for nothing... you are so young, go have some fun... and don't think about huge commitment this early! and if he have a problem with that... well maybe you should be concern... Time to move on....
2006-12-16 17:59:38 · answer #9 · answered by Max C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just avoid the conversation. When he brings it up smile and giggle, tell him what he wants to hear. No need for drama and that is all you will get if you sit down and have this 'talk; with him.
Enjoy your time with him, have fun, and dont take it too serious. If he buys youa ring, then would be the time for the 'talk'
2006-12-16 17:52:22 · answer #10 · answered by surfer_grl_ca 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋