What do you do when the abuser uses the legal system against the one abused?

Question

My entire marriage was filled with abuse including him cutting his own arm and then calling 911 and said that I did it and within minutes I was arrested for felony domestic violence. The charge was dropped the next day thank god because my parents were going to have to put their house up for bail. He also broke my nose, gave me two black eyes and was convicted of a felony domestic violence charge and got a 120 day suspended sentence and put on 7 years probation. There was another altercation where the police came and he left and I had bruises and there was lots of broken stuff in the house and the police took a report and one week later came back and arrested him for a violation of probation and put him in jail for four months. Since his release he tried to get me fired and kicked out of my condo and after one of our divorce hearings he started provoking me by saying ha ha now you are going to have to spend even more money and i pushed and he filed a police report and restraining

Answer 1

It sounds like you are taking the appropriate steps to leave the situation. You do not deserve any form of abuse. This is a serious situation, and potentially can be deadly for you. It appears that he is manipulating and controling you to work on his behalf; stay away from him, and stay safe.
Although the two of you are not living together, here are some steps to keep you safe in the future. 1) Do not allow yourself to be cornered in a room, especially a kitchen, bathroom, a room where weapons are stored, or rooms without doors or windows. 2) Keep important documents in a safe location (bank locked box). 3) Mentally address escape routes, and where the keys to the vehicle are. If you do not have a vehicle and cannot safely drive...go to a neighbors house or PUBLIC PLACE. 4) After talking on the phone, call a local business in your area to make your calls untraceable. If he gets the phone bill, all of your calls to domestic abuse hot-lines will not be listed. When it is safe for you to leave, the number below will get you in contact with local assistance. 5) If you write this number down, put your local area code in place of the 800, and put a persons name by it that she is not suspicious of. 6) This will be painful, but take pictures of you injuries, and put them in a safe location, such as a locked bank vault.
He can attended Battery Intervention Groups, but he may not agree to attend unless he is mandated by the court.
I am sorry that you are going through this, and it is NOT YOUR FAULT. It may be comforting for you to know that if you leave your abusive situation, and obtain a restraining order...the judge may issue the possessions to you. Even if your spouse pays for the vehicle. (or it is in his name). You also have the right to contest a restraining order within 30 days after service.

Answer 2

The only thing you can do is to divorce this loser and stop letting him provoke you. The next time let him say whatever he wants and just ignore eventually he will stopped and grow up. Now you know you can always do a restraining order on him and file charges against him as well. But I would just divorce him and move on with my life preferably far away from him.

Answer 3

happened to my daughter too, where he hit her, and she went to spend the night in a motel, when she got home the next day, the door bell rung and it was the police, come to arrest her, he had somehow scratched his own arms, but filed a report that she had done it, funny thing was she had no fingernails, as she bit them completely down, but still was arrested and charged, had to spend the entire weekend in jail as this happened on a weekend. he will continue to hurt u anyway he can, so move away, cause he knows u know what he is. he will keep doing these things unless u move completely away and he can't find u.

Answer 4

You can only control what you do. If you leave him and relocate, with the help of domestic violence people, he won't be able to find you. If you have kids with him, they can look him up when they are 18. If you don't, move on.