As a follow-up to my previous question...If you know someone is cheating and feel that you could save a lot of heartache and pain in the future by saying something to their spouse, would you do it?
In this case, it has been nagging me for several months. I know the husband well enough to know he will always be looking. I do not know how to tell her though-I do not know her well, and if I mail a note, he may get it first. I feel less and less loyalty to him as a friend because having been in her place myself, I would have LOVED for someone to say something.
NO, he is NOT cheating with me, so don't go there!
Any ideas how to get something to her anonymously? I simply do not wish to get caught in the middle!!!
2006-12-16 09:17:56 · 16 answers · asked by sunbeyondthemtn 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know he is cheating because he is comfortable enough doing it to be seen out with her. I guess maybe it is only a matter if time before his wife figures things out...
2006-12-16 10:07:49 · update #1
we can always look back on a situation that is in our past, and say we wish someone had told us, but when it is happening, would we really believe it? would we want to kill the messenger? would she even take u seriously, or would u be in the middle of a bad thing, and get hurt and called a liar and a troublemaker. what if she does find out, than reconciles with him, all your efforts would have been in vain. it will bring her alot of heartache, and if he lies his way out of it, what than? do it, but anonymously so she doesn't know who spilled the beans.
2006-12-16 09:27:36 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Understanding that you don't want to be caught in the middle, but you need to understand that if you are going to tear up a marriage, you need to be bold enough to let his wife know who gave the information. She needs to be able to look you in the face, ask the questions she wants to ask and BELIEVE YOU! Not think that this is some vendetta against her husband for a love affair gone bad (I'm not accusing), not someone who is trying to break up her marriage to get her husband when he hasn't done anything, not someone who just wants to see her unhappy, not just someone who wants to start trouble, not just someone who will drop a note on her with information like that and leave her to fend for herself with too many questions and no answers.
Yes, she may have some idea that he is cheating, but guess what? She is still there. Why would your note make a difference? If she hasn't caught him, she won't believe it.
Her husband may be so good at keeping HIS HOUSE IN ORDER!!! Maybe he has his priorities in order and no matter what he does, HIS HOUSE COMES FIRST! (I've heard those tales too.) If she doesn't have any clue about it, he is doing just that! Taking care of business at home. She just won't believe an anonymous note. All that would do is cause a problem, start fighting in her house that will just make her miserable.
Is that your goal...to make her miserable? Think about this long and hard...
If he is "out there" like you think....she knows and you don't need to tell her. Therefore, there really is nothing for you to say to her anonymously.
Don't get caught in the middle to be labled a "home-wrecker" or "the other woman" when you are NOT cheating with him.
I hope something I said made some sense to you.
2006-12-16 09:36:04 · answer #2 · answered by Kokomira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't tell her.... give her clues instead... that way you're not in the middle... ie: send flowers to the home for the husband anonymously.... or something.... just don't use a credit card... or you might be accused of being the other person. write something on it like thanks for always being there or something that way he could play it off.... a wife always knows when a husband lies... but if she wants to be in denial about it she will let him off the hook... if she has been suspecting... she will look farther into the mysterious flowers... and you don't have to do anything else. it takes a few weeks though from the time the flowers arrive... so be patient.
2006-12-16 09:34:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is not cheating with you then how do you KNOW that he is cheating? If you truely do not want to get caught in the middle as you say, then stay out of it altogether. If you say something to the spouse then atleast have the guts to stand up and say " I told her you are a cheater ", not anonymously.
2006-12-16 09:45:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do not wish to get into the middle of it then don't get in the middle of it. You do not know her very well so there is no place for you to tell the wife. You can confront your friend and tell him what he is doing is wrong. He might get upset with you meddling in his business. I would just stay out of it if I were you.
2006-12-16 09:56:20 · answer #5 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the wife probably know in her heart what he is doing i would just stay out of it but if you cant then try to send an anonymous note or email to her or get some kind of proof like picture from a cam phone. and slip it to her somehow without know one knowing its you and if the marriage ends its not your fault but the fault of the husband.
2006-12-16 09:27:51 · answer #6 · answered by kittywiz28 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they attend church, you can go to the church and tell them. My sister caught a man with someone who was not his wife- went to the pastor and told on him. This was a good thing because the man repented and got back with his wife- 20 years later and they are better for it.
2006-12-16 09:21:13 · answer #7 · answered by northville 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you don't want to get in the middle of it then i would not say any thing even anonymously. all i would do is distance my self from him.if he ask why your not talking to him, then i would tell him that i don't hang out with people that cheat on their spouse.
2006-12-16 09:28:58 · answer #8 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude-don't get caught in the middle you will risk losing them both. and don't be a snitch. maybe instead talk to your friend and let him know how you feel about what he's doing. ultimately it's his life don't screw with it but you can still remain loyal to your friend even if he can't with his wife. cheaters suck! hope this helps.
2006-12-16 09:30:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, Because it's none of anyones business but thiers, it's not ours and it's not yours. I'm sure you mean well, but if she is not without the sense of perception. If she has any sense at all she knows what her husband is doing and has something in mind for the finally, whether He likes it or not.
2006-12-16 09:28:43 · answer #10 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋