My aunt to help out for a little while??I am 25 years old and i have a three year old son and i went to college/have a decent job. I make about 60 grand a year so i am doing okay.My sons biological father also pays child support.My aunt is 5 years old my granfather also her dad needs a nurse to help him around because he just had surgery and his wife was just diagnosed with terminal breast cancer at 48 yrs old.My bf whom i am engaged to has no problems he loves her to death but he thinks it may turn perminent?He also seems embarrassed and wonders what we will tell other people and what they will think?
2006-12-16 09:07:08 · 13 answers · asked by Alissa D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am afraid my bf will call off the engagment?how can i make him more comfortable about this?
2006-12-16 09:08:22 · update #1
My aunt is 5 yrs old not old Gracia!and it would only be the 5 yr old not the parents coming to stay.
2006-12-16 09:14:15 · update #2
I think i understand where he's coming from. Don't think that its that he doesn't want to help. What he's thinking is that there is a certain vibe and groove living with you - but with the old folks there that groove is gone. It affects his attitude, his inspirations, and his libido. I can't advise you more than to say, don't make him feel guilty about his feelings. Try to create some space that is just yours - like the bedroom. Give him an escape, a place he can lie in wait for you - and I think that will help some. Good luck. with your aunt. I hope everything works out.
Ooops - just read your addition. I'm sorry. My general advice still applies. I think if you create some space that is just yours and his - he will feel better. I admit the fact she is 5 years old changes his concerns about what people will believe. People belive the truth - so confront it when it comes up and you won't have any more issues with that - I think. Again, I apologize for misreading your question. Good luck.
2006-12-16 09:12:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation is very difficult. You love your family and the elderly is precious! Your boyfriend/fiance is going to be a part of that family. Having your aunt move in to help out...I hope I am understanding correctly, is to help you. Is that right??
You are helping out your grandfather and his wife who are ill. That is good. Is your Aunt helping in that effort as well. Maybe it would be best for her to move in with them and assist you with your son, from there.
It does not appear that you need help financially, but that your help is probably in the way of time and support in other ways.
Your fiance may believe that others may think that you "NEED" help as if you aren't doing well so you needed someone to help you out. Actually, these days the opposite is true. Many families have relatives come to live with them to keep their children out of daycare. This helps the family members out and them, for a short time. Your aunt may be able to save a little bit of money to secure herself a better living arrangement.
Talk to your fiance about it. Maybe you can put a time limit on it. It doesn't have to be a permanent situation.
Good luck!
2006-12-16 09:22:58 · answer #2 · answered by Kokomira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about the truth? You took in a family member who needed some permanency. We've been married for 3 1/2 years and we're thinking about adopting older kids. (like school aged) so it's not really that "weird."
2006-12-16 09:12:10 · answer #3 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
blood is thicker than water...if he cant accept that a little 5 yr old needs ur help then he is the one that needs help. i would never turn down a child that needs help (perminant or not) you should not care what others will think of you...i mean i think if you took her in it would show me that you are a kind hearted person....i would never think anything bad about someone taking in a small child because she needs help.
2006-12-16 09:23:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk it over and see if you can get to the source of his feelings. Sounds like a very kindhearted course of action for you to take, and if your bf gets over the embarrassed part he might also come to see and share your desire to help someone in need.
If you loose this guy over something like this, you may have avoided further problems anyway. If this is an important thing for you it should also be important for him.
Good luck!
2006-12-16 09:14:24 · answer #5 · answered by Rockvillerich 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him she is family, and helping each other is what families do. Tell him he should be proud to be part of a family that stands by each other like that, and that they would gladly help him if he were in need.
Also tell him he's lucky to have a wife who comes from a grandfather who managed to stay youthful and virile for so long - it bodes well for the future.
2006-12-16 09:14:08 · answer #6 · answered by John's Secret Identity™ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh mine ,iam really socked to know your husband is embarrased at what people might say, and who cares anyway what people might say because if you do nothing to help those who are close and related to you ,you will find out that those to whom you were trying to please will one day turnout to call you monsters and will do nothing to help you when you get into the same situation and to help you take a good decision please put yourself in both your grandparents and aunte's shoes and imagine what your kids will do if your grandparents were soo emdarassed at what people will say if they were the ones well instead of you and your husband.
2006-12-16 09:32:21 · answer #7 · answered by Edith B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a question for you. What does how much you make or your child's "biological" father paying child support have to do with anything.
2006-12-16 09:14:34 · answer #8 · answered by Sarbanes Ox 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You 2 should live life for your self & not worry what other people think it's none of there business...
2006-12-16 09:11:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a lot for your bf, but this situation will not be going away soon.
Take things slowly.
2006-12-16 09:09:58 · answer #10 · answered by autimom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋