I've tried everything, but still a screw up?

Question

my husband ruined my trust i try to rebuild it. Don't think he'll screw up but not sure he loves me. I have done night dinners. i have done the back rubbs, and candle light bed rooms, and new sexy outfits for him. i tell him i love him, i cuddle and watch tv. i ask his opinions of important things. Still nothing! He says he loves me and thanks for dinner, but for the life of me i can't squeeze a recompliment out of him. He is right on it when i screw up, but no positive reinforcement on anything i work hard to get his approval for. i've told him i need reinforcement. he think his "i love you's" and "thank you's" are enough. I have straight up asked him to do other things and nothing. I fish for attention and tell him i do nothing. I dress up really nice for a date out with him the whole nine yards.... he throse on jeans ans white tie, and wheni ask honey how do i look. he'll say "you look fine" like why do you even ask. his thinking is everything is fine. if it isn't i'll chew u out

Answer 1

My best advice is going to sound very odd but, stop trying so hard. My husband and I have a book called "Divorce Busting" by Michele Weiner-Davis. It only takes one person to read this book in order for your marriage to change. I obviously can't share all the advice I've used from it on Yahoo, there is way too much information. There are a couple of key things that may help you though. For one, if something isn't working, try something else. Anything else! If you continue to the same things you will continue to get the same response. Secondly, the more you hound him for attention, the more he will recoil. If you stop trying, he will notice and, therefore possibly pick-up where you stopped. These may be very difficult steps to take but, it doesn't sound anymore straining than the effort you've already been willing to put forth. That, and you obviously see this man as being more than worth it! Keep at it and don't give up!

Answer 2

It seems that you two are mismatched and there is a failure to understand. You seem to go out of your way to make it elegant and romantic, but he is too simple minded to notice. The fact that he is over-critical, although he has no sense of fashion to match yours, may signal that he is comparing you to someone else. Does he watch porn? Does he work late? Does he go out with "the boys" a couple of times per week? If so, then there is trouble and probably another woman. I would confront him regarding this and even seek therapy if needed. I don't mean for you to overreact to the situation, but you seem very frustrated and urgently craving for his affection which is rightfully yours.
I wonder how long you knew each other before marrying?
Either way, I would seek counseling. Talking to mom is great therapy, too. Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. Finally, live life intentionally and don't be afraid to reach for what you want. Never allow other people to limit you.
Sincerely,
Mr. M on "tried everything."

Answer 3

You got three choices the way I see it.

1. Put up and shut up (not really a good option, will probably make you sick internalizing everything.)

2. Get him into counselling. (very tough for guys to do this, we just hate the idea of talking about our feelings with anyone let alone a stranger.)

3. Divorce the idiot and move on. (drastic I know)

Basically, I'd give him a choice: Tell him the relationship is just not working for you, if he really does love you, then you need to get to a marriage counselor. If he just plain refuses, well back to number 1 or number 3!

Answer 4

Sounds like a real jerk. Be up front with him and tell him you are not happy with the way he treats you. You should get a little more respect for the things that you do. If he really does love you he will come around if not he is seeing the wrong side of you and needs more enlightenment. Don't give any up for awhile and stay your distance. Show him how it feels to not get any attention.

Answer 5

Loyalty is for dogs. Depend on your Lord for constant approval and recognition and depend on your husband for letdowns. He could use some competition from another man and he'll start paying attention when your faith becomes stronger. There will be no downside to adhering to what is right for either one of you and it's not that tough to say thanks to the one who made all things possible even your miserable husband!

Answer 6

So, he screwed up. He ruined your trust but yet you are working so hard to earn his approval, WHY????? You need to decide if you are willing to live the rest of your life with a man who obviously cares of no one but himself. Me, I could not do it. He says he loves you but does not show it. Showing is a lot more important than saying the words.