im 9 weeks---he intially told me that he didnt want the kid and after i said i wasnt getting a abortion---he's for it! ...he's so irresponsible ! i feel like i can do this by myself ...but im only 19----this isnt how i intended for my family to begin---please help!!!!...
2006-12-16 07:42:50 · 16 answers · asked by somebodysmamasoon 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Well, it might not have been your intentions, but you willingly made a baby with an irrisponsible man. And now you have to deal with it, either by working things through with him, or by doing it without him.
Having sex with someone means you will eventually get pregnant. Theres no way around it. You can go on for a long time, but sooner or later it'll result in a baby.
I can assure you though, even if he had been prince charming and you loved him to death, you would find him irresponsible and incredibly impossibly annoying while you're pregnant. Its just the way men are, all of them.
2006-12-16 07:46:17 · answer #1 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
All life is precious and I definitely don't believe in abortions except in extreme cases (and I mean really extreme). If you couldn't stay wtih the father, you could always put the baby up for adoption. I know it would be hard, but there are a lot of couples who would love to have a child, and a lot of them are willing to do open adoptions (?) where the mother can still be in the baby's life to some degree. I am 26 weeks pregnant with my second child, and I certainly would rather do that then to always wonder what happened to my child and search for them later on or have an abortion and carry that guilt for the rest of my life. Babies are so special and so wonderful, but they are also a lot of work and need lots of care and committed parents to take care of them. Please take all of this into consideration and really think about it.
2006-12-16 08:02:55 · answer #2 · answered by E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I never planned to raise my baby on my own either, but it is really not that bad at all!! Make sure you've got family and friends to stay over for the first few weeks while you recover from giving birth and adjust to motherhood, and then go it alone if you don't want to be with the dad. I know a lot of mums say it's hard being single, but with just one baby to care for, I think it is a lot easier to be on your own! Really, don't worry, you'll do just fine! It's not work, it's pleasure! Giving your baby enough love and attention, there is NO reason why you can't make a success raising him/her. No need for adoption or anything like that if you don't want to. Woman are a lot more capable than what some people give them credit for, and babies just adapt to circumstances. It is not that hard!!! Millions of moms raise their kids on their own. The love you feel for your baby will blow your socks off, and little else will matter!
2006-12-16 07:56:32 · answer #3 · answered by sins 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't let the fact that your 19 make you feel like you can't do it, I became pregnant with my first when i was only 18 and know a year later (almost to the day) i have a second baby. I am still with my boyfriend but it is not always easy! he works a lot and figures thats all he needs to do. so in other words i am stuck cleaning the house cooking the meals taking care of two kids alone! Even when he is home he lies on the couch cause hes "to tired" It is extremely frustrating and kinda depressing but he loves his kids and thats just the way he was raised. i think that as long as you have parents or friends near by that can lend a helping hand even once in awhile you can do it. Even without that you can but it will be hard. as long as your not fighting alot you can try and stay together. but dont allow your baby to be subjected to constant fighting thats really sad for young children. One of the most difficult things for me is whan he goes out with his friends a nd gets to have a good time when i have to stay at home alone as usual its lonely.And im not alloweed out because he doesnt trust me. well i would never give up my babys for the world you will be absoultley amazed at the love you will have for them and that they will have for you. If you do it on your own you wont have to put up with his **** but then you have to share custody which i would find heart breaking. well the best of luck to you and your beautifull baby. I would love to talk to you so e-mail me if youd like becky_lorez@yahoo.ca
2006-12-16 08:18:22 · answer #4 · answered by becky m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he didn't want the baby in the first place, then I doubt he will stick around for long... I was in a similar situation with my sons bio-father... He stuck around for 3 days after my son was born, and then he would show up every once in a while for a few months after that... it has now been almost a year since he has seen my son.. and we couldn't be happier! Thank goodness I didn't put him on the birth certificate or give him his name! I am now married to a wonderful man that my son calls Daddy! You can do it on your own though! I just told him he either had to be in his life all the time or he should not see him at all! It is not good for a child to have a father in and out of his life....it is better to just have him out... I was 19 at the time too, you will be fine! He will probably fade out of the picture in no time.... Good Luck! if you want to talk you can email me....
2006-12-16 08:45:03 · answer #5 · answered by ME 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you set your mind and work at it you can raise a child without a man. but somebodys answer really disturbed me. i don't believe you should block him out completely if you leave him.
when my mom was a month pregnant with me my dad was killed in an accident. my brother was in a different situation. my mom had him 5 years before me and his father was an abusive person to her. she was 17. she ended up leaving him after my brother was born. he went to jail for a year. but she knew he was part of her life no matter what and didn't feel she should keep my brother from him. she never bad mouthed him while my bro was growing up. there was sort of an underlying tone to the relationship. if he ever tried to get visitation rights she would have then gone after him for back child support. when my brother turned 18 our mom sat him down and told him how she was treated by him but he had to know his dad without any judgement from her till he was an adult.
basically what i'm trying to say, if you leave him let that option be out there that he can see your child. from my personal experience i would rather have had dead beat father than not having one. of course i had a step-father but he was a control freak over my mom which was a hinder to the bond we may have had when i was younger.
you will eventually find another guy but if your child knows he is not his biological dad the relationship between them may not be the best.
2006-12-16 09:45:41 · answer #6 · answered by LaRae L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are very smart, and very insightful!
Take control NOW and strike while he feels this way... Get him to sign away parental rights!
That way you can give the baby a great life in a 2 parent home by way of adoption. That is the BEST thing you can do for your child! That is what a truly loving mother would do when faced with this choice.
You are stuck with him forever if you raise this baby. Not only that, but every other weekend, you will have to watch this guy drive away with your child for the weekend and not know whats going on.
Baby, you know what to do... do the right thing by your baby. The baby WILL forgive you and be grateful! Trust me... I'm adopted!
BTW... if you want to chat, please feel free to contact me directly.
2006-12-16 07:53:04 · answer #7 · answered by my-kids-mom 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi,
I am 8 weeks pregnant and my husband gets on my nerves all the time lol - we have been together for 10 years so I know it is my hormones lol, although he can be so inconsiderate some times when I'm really tired. If your bf is all for the baby, remember it is best to try and work out your problems. I was a single mother at 27 and believe me it is not much fun.
Hope you sort things out
Helen
2006-12-16 07:51:13 · answer #8 · answered by helenbody33 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well take it from me i know, and alot of other women do too. some men are still little kids, they want to play around and as soon a girl gets pregnant they get scared and they run. no one intends on raising their child by themselves but it just happens that most of us do. the best thing is you have a very special gift coming. love him or her and make the best you can, always put your child first. if he doesn't want any part of the baby go to child services, and apply for him to pay child support. that will help. but always be there for your child. and the love he gets from you. he will hold on for the rest of his life. congradulations, and always remember you can do it.
2006-12-16 07:51:11 · answer #9 · answered by misty blue 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
well maybe you can find a support system elsewhere....but no matter what your feelings are towards the father of your unborn baby are you need to work on them as you are going to have to deal with him for a long time and while you don't have to live with him every day it is in the best interest of your unborn child that you deal with him in a mature way...your child did not pick him for the father you did
2006-12-16 07:48:07 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋