I just found out my fiance is smoking alot of weed - daily. Help...?

Question

He smokes all day and hangs out with his friends because they all smoke weed and it is to be putting a wedge in our relationship.
First, I don't like the fact he does it and I want him to quit, so he doesn't do it around me and because he can't do it around me, he's always with his friends and then lies to me and says he doesn't - when I know he does because I have found it in his pockets and he smells of it and he acts like he is high! I think it is affecting every aspect of our relationship - he doesn't want sex, he thinks foreplay is too much work, he doesn't want to go anywhere but the couch and watched TV. He isn't there 4 me emotionally and wants to be with his friends all the time. Enough is enough. I want him to quit or I am breaking off the engagement and relationship. He knows I want him to quit, but doesn't. Should I stay and help him through this or leave? Anyone been through this? What effects does weed have on a person? Is he NOT quitting because he doesn't value us?

Answer 1

this is something that will continue if u marry him, it takes all the motivation out of anything, my ex did not smoke alot of pot when we married, went for a long time without it, all seemed well, but than the pot smoking started up again, not to mention the money it cost that he was taking away from our household. he began hanging out, and he was not a young man, in his 50's, he seemed to change before my eyes, one day i came home to find the local drug dealer sitting in my living room, just like they were old friends. well one day the police raided the drug dealer's home, and i got very anxious, told him perhaps he needed to get rid of it, his reaction to me was i want a divorce, little did i know he had had a girlfriend for over a year, who also enjoyed pot, well i was just too different, just not his type anymore. u can't help him with this, whatever he does now he will continue doing. u have different idea's on this matter, u are not on the same page with this. and it will not work. amigine how i felt, looking out the window seeing a bunch of guys all hanging out, smoking dope , and when i voiced my concern he left me for someone who liked pot. nothing to do with him not valueing u, it's just him, he may not value u in the future if u try and tell him to quit, this is part of how one acts under the infeuence of any drug. and if your not like that, than if u marry him u will have a lifetime of it, and when u are short on bill money his pot money will always come first.

Answer 2

Let yourself run out, spend the WHOLE day cleaning out your house and storing/getting rid of your ashtrays, paraphernalia, etc. Make it very difficult to smoke - more trouble than it's worth. Throw stuff out! The place you normally smoke should be rearranged (furniture) so that your brain won't relate that place to smoking anymore. You aren't addicted to weed, you're addicted to the high you get. Look online and try to find other ppl or forums that can hold you accountable. If you can't quit cold turkey, lower your amount at first to one bowl a day MAX and don't get high. Just smoke a little. Then limit it to the weekend only and then once a month. You will have to wean off and deal with the problems that may be the reason you are looking for a high all the time. Take responsibility. I know you can do it because if I could quit smoking cigarettes, I KNOW you can quit this. Rent movies, watch YouTube, get into a TV series or pick up some form of exercise to stay busy and you'll find that it is much easier than you think....and imagine the $$$MONEY$$$ you will save. Be good and treat yourself to a Caribbean cruise as a reward. Carnival has good rates and wonderful ships! Get out of the house more often! Keep your eye on the end result! Best of luck!!

Answer 3

Well it's going to be very hard to change him or anyone for that matter, and this is certainly an easy out for you on this relationship. Even if you get him to agree to stop, he most likely will not stop, or he'll pick it back up later.
You mentioned that you don't like it, but is it something that is a stop or the relationship over kinda deal? If so, it may be time to cut your losses and move on to someone else.
Looking at everything you mention though, it seems like you've made your mind up what you need to do (drop him) but you're looking for reasons to keep him from people who don't even know him. If all of these things that you mention are problems for you with this relationship then get out now, before it gets harder.

Answer 4

You are smart enough to figure out your own answer here or already know it. Time is now to break this off before you go down with him and lose everything once he gets caught and he will. Its only a matter of time for his friends and him. Anyone who does any type of drug usually cant handle the everyday life challenges and does drugs to cope with them. You dont need this guy or his friends. Youve too much to lose and are far better than this guy so break it off and move on now. Good luck and Merry Christmas

Answer 5

You already know the answer, you said it yourself in your question.

DUMP HIM!!!!!!

Then move on and find an adult personality to share your life with. Why should you settle for marrying an idiot? If he can think of nothing else besides his "weed", then he's never gonna think about supporting you and making a marriage and family.

Just walk away. Do it now.

Answer 6

what do you mean stay and help him through this? If he wanted help he would have asked for it. Obviously, his friends and the weed are much more important than you are - and he is still your fiance why? If you haven't figured it out yet, then maybe just marry him and wait for the divorce that will follow and then you may get it.

Answer 7

It is not going to work unless he wants to quit or you start. You guys are 2 different, like 1 person drinking and the other not. You will turn into a nag trying to get him to change. Who wants to live like that? Good luck.

Answer 8

He's not quitting because he chooses to not quit.

Whether you stay or go is not part of the equation.

You cannot manipulate another persons behaviors. They just end up lying to you.

You're with the wrong guy. Find someone who shares your values and let him find someone who shares his.

Answer 9

Pack him up and show him the door. If he behaves like this now, what's it going to be like if you marry him and have children? Get out now.

Answer 10

Sorry to say this, but it sounds like he has made his choice, not it's time to make yours.