I want to be a dad with more children, but I don’t want to have more children with my wife, what should I do?

Question

I might leave my wife, but I love my daughter very much who is 5 years old. I’m not trying to run away from responsibility. In fact I want more children, just not with my wife. If it wasn’t for a language barrier I might not think of leaving. I want my children to have a mother who speaks perfect English and can teach the children to be successful in school and life. My wife doesn’t take time to read or help our daughter with learning, and there is other problems as well. I might leave, and I know that my wife would get custody. So therefore I would be leaving both.

It would be on my conscience. And what ever child I may have with another woman may not be as beautiful as my daughter now. I will always look into my Childs face and see the child I left behind. And what good women would want a man who left a marriage.

what I meant about wanting more children, but not with my wife, is that I want children with a mother who will, read, teach, and nurture the children.

Let me do some more explaining. I am the one who reads to our daughter, my wife now speaks English good. Its not all about the language barrier. Sometimes I blame the language barrier about my wife not nurturing our daughter. But their is no excuse for my wife not to read, teach and nurture our kid. My wife flirts with other guys at work and so forth. On occasion, one of her family members, like a distant cousin will pop in with all their luggage and bags to live with us without consulting me. On the first occasion. I was told that he will only stay for a week. That wasn’t the case. He finally left after a few months when I got aggravated about it. We live in apartments where you have to be a citizen with no criminal record. He wasn’t supposed to be with us, so we could have gotten evicted due to him staying with us. The list goes on. Do I need to explain more. So please, enough with the name calling and insults.

I wasn’t talking about physical beauty alone about my daughter being beautiful.

I guess that I need to explain some more. there is hardly no love in the relationship, and it has nothing to do with the language barrier. Like I said, my wife speaks good English. When ever we have a little fight in the marriage, I’m not talking about hitting and punching. I’m talking about disagreement and so forth. My wife will find a guy at her work and run into his arms and feel like she needs to make up, but not with me. I understand that there are things I can do better, but I feel like the relationship is broken beyond repair.

Answer 1

Maybe you should have thought about all this before you got married and reproduced with this woman. You sound extremely shallow, and I doubt you will find a good woman because you're not being a good man.

Answer 2

i am sorry to say that children in most cases should not be the reason that people stay together because sometimes when the love between the parents arent there it hurts the children more than what what the parents think. its great that you want your child to have a great life and she deserves that because she didnt ask to be here so let her have the best life that she can. it sounds like there is more than the language things that make you want to leave and believe me people do fall out of love just like they fall in but dont you deserve to be happy too. As long as your child knows that you love her and understands that you are not leaving her i think that in the future she would understand how much you want for her. no matter how many children you have elsewhere you will always believe that all of your children are just as beautiful as the first because they would be yours. At 5 years old your daughter only knows right now that you are there and will be upset when you arent but just reasure her all the time that you love and wants the best for her. i hate for anyone to break up but sometimes there just isnt any other way. the only other thing i can suggest is to talk to your wife and let her know that your daughter deserves better than this and that she needs to help see to it that it happens or you will find another way but be careful you dont want her to just up and run away with her. some women are just as bad as they claim men to be. i pray that god be with you in whatever you decide

Answer 3

Language Barriers-

I don't think your readers are hearing all that you have to say, therefore they are firing off at you because they can't get pass the language barrier being the reason to leave your wife. You're going to have to add more details to your story, because I know there's more to your story than this.

But I can understand the language barrier taking a serious toll on your marriage. The number one element in having a successful relationship is COMMUNICATION - WITHOUT IT, YOU HAVE NO RELATIONSHIP.

I know your problem isn't just about the broken or not so perfect English speaking skills of your wife, but the two of you can't communicate because of your culture background.

What's important to you might not be important to your wife. And the way you want to raise your daughter, your wife is not able to do so due to her lack of understanding of English. And how can she teach your daughter or help with school, if she can't quite understand English herself? Not only does she not understand it but she has no real desire to learn it as much as she needs to in order to function better in the English speaking world. So now you are left with having to be the voice and interpreter for your wife. Now that is more burden for you right?

I need not to say anyomre, but please do let your audience know what is really going on. It's not just because she can't speak English that well. Tell them how hard it is on your marriage.

Answer 4

Um a lot of good women would go for a guy who left a marriage. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce so women are more understanding these days.

Honestly, I totally understand why you would want to be with someone else when it comes to kids. I read to my children every single day. My daughter was potty trained fully before she was 1 years old because I work with her soo much. I also work full time and go to school full time. As a single parent if I can do all this with 2 kids under 3 I think that there is no reason for someone to be like that. You need to work with your kids, read to them and so on.

Why would your wife get custody? Spend a lot of time with your daughter, educational and all. I am sure you could get full custody. My buddy and his wife got a divorce and he just got full sole custody of his 3 year old daughter. I don't see why guys think there is no chance of getting full custody. Even if you do only get partial custody you will be able to see her on weekends and everything. In time if you can prove that you are better with her there will still be a chance of getting her full time.

Answer 5

Hello Friend!

You seem to be confused. You say you love your daughter. But It seems you dont. Divorce is not a solution for having more children. What if you dont have any children with other women. It seems you would divorce her again and look for another. It's really funny.

By divorcing you are creating trouble for your daughter whom you love. Also you claim your wife wont help your kid. What does she do.I presume she must be busy with work or something. Why dont you take personal interest in your daughter and lead by example. I am sure your wife will follow suit. Try to understand your wife and see. Taking a divorce is easy. But once done, you will never be able to forgive yourself - as you are creating problems for not only yourself but two more individuals - . Think about it. Life is full of dulaities.

Good and bad must co-exist to enhance the spice and enjoyment of Life. Challange is fun not a burden.

Think again. I wish you well and peace of mind. I also pray for your wife and Lovely daughter, who does not know that the Father she loves dearly and looks forward to meet every evening, is about to leave her.

God Bless us all!

Answer 6

If the delivery father is round and he's being a Dad and being concerned of their lives, then the child/s must be calling him Dad or Daddy. You do not must confuse the child through having 2 "dads" so my inspiration is you arise with an option like "Pappy" or "Poppy" or anything nickname you'll arise with if you do not desire the child calling you through your first identify. Often instances youngsters have their possess names for you whether or not its your first identify or a puppy identify, however I might propose you go away it to the youngsters to uncover their possess means, its now not rather a question of what they name you simply that their is love knowledge and appreciate from and for you and the child

Answer 7

you should get a grip and make your marriage right! and if you want more children but not by your wife then try adopting... there are lots of needy children out there....if you are so unhappy with the language barrier thing why did you marry her in the first place? you never know if she takes no interest in the child maybe she will let you have her in exchange for her freedom. :o(

Answer 8

If you want more children, you and your wife should try and work out these issues, because your making excuses, saying you don't want a baby with your wife because of language problems? That's really pathetic. Why don't you try and help your wife to learn english better, because think of how much it would hurt her if you left? Quit thinking about yourself first, think about how it would make her feel. Until then I don't think you deserve to have any more children.

And if you want her to be more involved with the kids, talk with her, tell her how you feel instead of just wanting to leave.

You and your wife would benifit greatly if you started going to marriage counceling. Instead of just giving up, work at it.

Ok, after you gave some more information about what's going on, I get a better picture, sounds like she's not being faithful, or she's really pushing it. And I think as parents, both parents should be involved with the kids, and it's not right that she's not doing that and your the one doing everything with your daughter, I think it's great that you love your daughter so much, that's great.

BTW, sorry I judged you without knowing the whole story.

I think if she would be willing to go, I think marriage counceling would help, but you both have to be willing to work at it.

Take care and Merry Christmas

Answer 9

unless this is a joke i feel like hitting you right now. you don't leave someone cuz they don't speak perfect english. why don't you practice with her or sign up for english classes? as for not helping her with learning, that's both if your jobs. you'll need to talk to her about it, and if she won't listen, get a divorce. if you tell the court that she won't help, they'll let you have custody. she might not be helping because she's not confident of her own knowledge, so try working with her before you get a divorce

Answer 10

And you know what a marriage is otherwise you wouldn't have said "i do" and then signed on the line. You love your wife and cannot Use her language problem as "the problem" You knew about her english before you married her and you knew you wanted children with her, And why you want kids with another woman? Sounds to me you just Want another woman! If you want other kids then adopt! if you don't want to adopt you obviously want another woman!!!!!!!

Answer 11

If you are a good father, then there is no reason why you can't have shared custody. Leaving the mother does not mean that you don't see your daughter. You need a lawyer. Don't compare unborn children to your daughter. Love all your children unconditionally .