any inspiring relationship stories out there?

Question

My husband of five years have just broken up. He is now packing his bags and I feel lost. In a way I am glad he is leaving and on the other hand I feel depressed. I so wanted to have a baby, I was seeing a fertility specialist but last week I decided it was a bad idea to have a child with him.

He is verbally abusive and very childlike. Our most recent argument was about a black permanent marker, he was mad that I did not replace the cover and it dried up. He said I like to ruin everything of his and that I need to treat his stuff with more respect.

Answer 1

It took a long time for me to learn that every person is just an extension of God, but most just do not know it. People who do know it have a tendency to allow all of their actions and intentions to come from love and positivity. Those that do not know it tend to allow actions and intentions from negativity and internal pain. You are asking for a child and God wants your child to be given to you in love so that it may know love and know who he/she is and live toward growing and being devoted to loving intentions and actions. Life knew that would not happen with your husband. Be thankful you can still try for children and that you have the opportunity to make sure you create a life that you will enjoy raising them in. We are only lost when we let go of the love within ourselves and stop seeing the positive side to our circumstances or when our value system is off base. When we come back to appreciating ourselves and loving where we are and what we can move forward into we feel found again and full of purpose and opportunity. Basically, you're thinking and feeling on the black side of the spectrum, there is a whole ray of other options to consider as you move through to the white side of the spectrum.

Answer 2

My husband and I divorced after 7 years of marriage. Literally, from separating/filing/final the divorce process took fifteen days. We did not divorce because of adultery, abuse, or neglect but it was a painful time in both of our lives. A year after the divorce, my stepsons' helped to re-unite us. We were remarried two years later on the day that we divorced. Our anniversary is a reminder of the difficult times that we have been through, but it also reminds us how much we love one another. We have now been remarried for 3 years, and our relationship continues to grow. It takes commitment to make a relationship work but we do not sweat the small stuff, such as a black permanent marker...

Answer 3

Sheila. I know it must be difficult, having invested 5 years in a relationship and having it now fall apart. Express your regrets, cry a little, and then take a careful look at yourself. Begin with this; you are your own best friend, the best person you know. Thus, you deserve the best boyfriend/husband. Did you get him? Honor yourself and you will honor yourself by the partners you choose. Love yourself as the best person you know, as the person you can accept without condition and can love unconditionally. Then, when you look at a man, you will choose only those you feel truly honor you. That would be someone who respects themselves (too much to get upset over leaving the top off a magic marker) and can love your for the way you are, warts and all. Be good to yourself and you will find someone who will be god to you. Enjoy the search.

Answer 4

Hi Sheila, It sounds as if you are both bored with the marriage and its a good thing you are ending it. You would not want to bring a baby into a loveless marriage. You are young and have a chance at a fresh new start. My suggestion is for you to get some counseling so you won't go into another relationship and make the same mistakes all over again. Get a good counselor that works with relationships. Sometimes women have a hard time choosing the right man for herself. Give yourself at least a year, after the divorce, before you enter a new relationship. You can date but don't get serious for at least a year. Good luck.

Answer 5

First, maybe you weren't treating his things with respect sort of a passive aggressive thing in reaction to his verbal abuse. Second, it was very mature to realize that you shouldn't have a child with him.

I don't know how inspiring this is; you'll have to decide that for yourself. I was 39 and hadn't dated much. I paid a hundred dollars to go on Match.com for a year and nothing happened. I went on Yahoo personals and had fun and met some guys that I'd corresponded with for a while, but they just weren't right for one reason or another. I was getting tired of wasting my time writing back and forth for so long and then only seeing these guys once.

So, I wrote to another guy twice and he preferred to talk on the phone. With the second call, I asked him if he wanted to have dinner or something. I wanted to meet him, not like him either, and move on. He agreed and we met. I don't believe in love at first site, but there was definitely something between us. A year later, six weeks after 9/11, we were married. I was 40; he was 37.

About 4 months later, I went off the pill and other meds so we could start trying to conceive. Five months later, we started seeing a fertility specialist. Two months after that, I quit my hellish job. Five days before Christmas that year, I had laproscopic surgery for endometriosis. I was inseminated with the following cycle and three days later I developed pancreatitis and was in the hospital for two and a half weeks.

About a week before they discharged me, the fertility doc told me I wasn't pregnant. A couple of days later, the priest came in and anointed me and said a little prayer that my uterus start reproducing. The day after, before they did an x-ray, they took more blood and discovered I was pregnant. Two months after my son was born they found something on my thyroid and months later, they determined it was cancer.

Last night I was out with friends with whom I get together every Christmas. I had great fun and didn't want it to end. Driving home, though, I realized I was excited. I couldn't figure out why until I then realized that I was excited to be going home to the man who knows everything about me and loves me no matter what and the son we tried so hard to have. For the first time in my life I discovered that there really is no place like home for me.

You will find that, too, if you refuse to settle and insist on finding that one guy who will know all about you and love you thoroughly. Sure there will be fights and he will get on your nerves, but he will be "home" for you. Good luck and don't give up!

Answer 6

Your life is just about to begin. Were you young when you met him?
You will move on with your life and chose to either live a very active single life, or you will find someone who, at the very least, will NOT accuse you of ruining stuff. That empty feeling will pass. You seem pretty mature, and it is his loss.
Something that helped me through rough times is I would say to myself..."This sucks, but it is just a feeling, and its going to go away." It takes a while for this to actually work. But when it does it is an amazing feeling.
I hope this helps. Good luck and good riddance.

Answer 7

I would say goodbye and good riddance to him. Verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse. Bruises heal. Mental scars can last forever. If you know that you are a good person, you should have no problems picking up the pieces and moving forward. Don't feel lost. If you want someone to talk to, I'll be here. Just e-mail me through here and I'll be happy to chat with you.

Answer 8

Well, I was lost, depressed and felt the same way you did till 2 years ago.

I was talking to my best friend about how I was sad, lonley and depressed about being a single mom and I was tired of going tot he bar every weekend to find someone to love me.

She suggested I go on a date with her brothers best friend.

So she set us up on a blind date for the next weekend.

2 years later we are still together, very much in love, and getting married in April 07!

Love can come from very odd places, and the one your suppose to be with could be closer to you then you think.

So don't give up. I know your sad right now, but you will find your true love.

Keep your head up.

Happy Holidays.

Answer 9

I will say at least you've done the right thing by not staying in a relationship where you felt abused. You should be inspired by your strength. Many relationships don't go well over stupid things, but abuse and adultery are things, you do not have to deal with or reason with at all.

Answer 10

If he's going to go off on you because of a black marker, IMHO you're better off finding someone else. I know it's hard, but there are lots of men out there who have a clue what a relationship/partnership really means...

Good luck...