Only woman, is it natural to feel like I can do much better without my husband?

Question

I have been married 10 years and in those 10 years my husband has only worked 2 years. I work a full time job and I go to school full time. I also have a five year old son who is a handful. I feel like I can do much better without my husband. Is it natural to feel like this. I do love him but I think that I need a break, I feel like I should be the one being taken care off. What should I do?

My husband doesn't do anything. He just sits infront of the tv and watch Judge Mathis and so one. I am getting so stressed that I don't get much sleep and I have lots of headaches. I have tried talking to him but he just sais that I am selfish and that is what marriege is. I don't think I can deal with it anymore. I really need advice, serious advice.

Answer 1

When dealing with an individual--a partner or anyone else for that matter--who behaves in the manner that you have described, it's more than natural to feel the way that you do. Sure, it is easy to feel a great amount of love for the person, and let's face it, that particular feeling may never go away; nevertheless, you have no obligation to babysit or support this individual if he chooses not to take care of himself or the married life that he long ago committed to. As a mother, I am sure that your maternal instincts have kicked in a million and one times, but the fact that remains is that you have one child to focus your--for lack of a better term--"motherly energy" on. In my opinion, you should talk to your mate about the unnecessary weight and stress he has placed upon you and your household. If he chooses to ignore your feelings, then I say let him sit in front of the TV and watch Judge Mathis all that he wants. Just make sure that he does it in the comfort of his own cardboard box outside! In other words, give him a wake-up call girly!

Answer 2

You are not being selfish and you don't have to stand by your man if he is not standing by you. I can completely understand how you feel. I am sure you feel as though you are raising two young boys. Your husband has never grown up and taken responsibility even though he has a son. I am guessing the boy is his? No matter, even if he is the step-father it is the same thing. I suggest you get marriage counseling and find out why he is not doing his share of the marriage. Counseling is the last ditch effort. If he refuses to go and be committed to working on the marriage, then you need to call it quits and find a life partner that actually shares his life with you. If you continue the way you are going, it is not good for your son because his Dad, his roll model is teaching him all the wrong things. Good luck.

Answer 3

Jenny - sorry to hear that you are forced to be the only breadwinner. Have you talked with him about this? Is he willing to work - but just says he can't find anything? If so - McDonald's is good until something better comes along. Is he just lazy? You have to decide what you want. Do you want to live another 20 years like this? If not - tell him so - decide upon a certain date if he doesn't get a job you are going to move out. Or vice versa. Have him be accountable for his days at home. Does he do anything all day? If not - ouch. I would not put up with that. You should not have to carry this burden alone. Get a family member or friend involved if he refuses to agree upon something. Don't wait any longer - 10 years has already gone by.

Answer 4

In today's world, I know many women in your situation. It seems that the women have the good job, and the men have a job, then quit, then hang around doing nothing, etc. I suppose to answer your question, one would have to know more about your relationship. I think that your situation could work if your husband took most of the responsibility for the household chores and for raising your son. If you divorced your husband, you would have to realize that it would probably be very traumatic to your son. You should talk to your husband and come to some agreement about responsibilities and sharing the load. If he is just another mouth to feed for you and he refuses to contribute anything, then it might be better to be on your own. But if he will agree to helping you as much as possible so that you can pursue your career and schooling, then it would not be better without him. You really need to be very honest with him about your feelings and try to come to some agreement.

Answer 5

Well, lets evaluate the situation. Does he do anything at home. Take care of things? Grocery shopping? Clean? Cook? Watch your child? Give moral support? Loving? Gives good converation? Tries to help out? Rub your feet? ANYTHING? Well, if he does, then think about where would you be if he wasn't there to help out. Can you do without? Do you want more? Sometimes people tend to take things for granted. Maybe you should take a step back and see, and even appreciate, what he does for you,the house, the family, your marrage. If you find that he doesn't do ANYTHING! Then maybe you should have a talk with him and tell him how you feel. Maybe you guys can work something out together.

Answer 6

I wish you had said why your husband is not working. Is he a bum? Laid off? disabled? I would need more info to answer this question. If he just dont look for work and lays around then he's a bum and I suggest you leave. He is draining you of the extra food, etc and your emotions. BUT does he watch the kids while your at work and in school ? You may need this support till your out of school. Don't leave just yet. Finish school. Get a good job, save a some cash for emergencies, pay off any debt you have, get your car in your own name. People who walk out in the middle of things make a mess for themselves. Yes you do need a break. You have a right to feel like you do. and if it was me. I would have left long ago. You will never find someone who will take care of you 100 percent. But you can find a mate that is willing to share your life, pay the bills, buy the grocery , and be a pretty good dad to the boy. In all my years I found it was up to me to take care of me.Sometimes you find a nice man, get married, and they end up sick and you still have to take care of them, and you. Life has no guarantees but a person has to make choices that are best for them. I hate divorce but sometimes it just has to happen. Have you ever told him to get off his butt or you would leave. ??

Answer 7

I think u should tell Ur husband to be more responsible are u sure u still love him? he should get a job if he at least tries it might mean that he really does love you if he tries very hard and still doesn't find a job he will keep trying by helping u with Ur son and getting the food ready by the time Ur home.If he doesn't try if u tell him that do U think he really cares about you? u r the one that knows him. what do u think? Good Luck Hope that u make the best decision for u.

Answer 8

In your situation with what you have stated it sounds like he is not making much of a contribution. It is one thing only working 2 years if he has been taking care of the home and child. If has not, at least, done the home care thing, then he is worthless. I using that word to describe somebody I nothing about -- but there it is.

What should you do?
Does he go to school also, or assists in managing the home and child? If not,, you could tell him to go get a dang job.
You can let him know how he's not contributing to the marriage and the family home has take its tole and you are thinking of leaving him.


Good luck.

Answer 9

My opinion, He isnt being a husband anyway, and obviously is not appreciateing you, and how good of a wife you are..He is takeing you for granted, and needs to be tought a lesson. so, if you really want some advice here it is, You need to leave, and try it on your own, You will probably enjoy it, then you can sleep at night, and the maybe if he changes and gets a job, and KEEPS the job for a year you can take him back, and he may realize what he had, and learn to appreciate you...But nobody can make this decision for you, only you can..Good luck

Answer 10

Have you told your husband how close to the breaking point you are feeling? Is he taking care of your child instead of working, because that's just as beneficial, you know. Regardless, you need to open the lines of communication and tell him exactly how you feel. You may be surprised to discover he's less than fulfilled with the current situation also, and maybe together you can devise a solution.

All the best to you and your family.

Merry Christmas