hello, i have no idea what to do. my fiances mother is stepping on my toes and causing a lot of drama in our relationship. please, has anyone ever been in this situation? if so, what did you do? thanks.
2006-12-16 02:58:47 · 24 answers · asked by fire7651 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's what they do. It is instinctive I think. Beer helps.
2006-12-16 03:02:22 · answer #1 · answered by jgbarber65 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It seems like you have two battles, one with the mother-in-law and one with the fiancee who doesn't support you. Been there, done that, and it is very stressful and difficult. The place to start is with the boyfriend, and discuss your feelings and his feelings. See if the two of you can come to an understanding and present a unified front to the mother. If you can't then you may want to reconsider the relationship. When you marry this guy, you are not just getting him, it's a package deal. You can try to talk to the soon to be mother-in-law, may work, may not....the problem seems to be more with how your fiancee is handling things. If he can't stand up for you or him now, he never will.
2006-12-16 03:15:21 · answer #2 · answered by getting2old2quick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, let's go in order. It's up to you and your fiance to decide who is in your wedding party, not your mother-in-law to be. However, since it is generally tradition for the brothers to be part of the wedding party, this can be seen as an insult. Bipolar disorder is something that is usually controlled by medication, so having them in the wedding party is more of a personal issue than a medical one. She shouldn't have been eavesdropping and she shouldn't have flipped out but the two of you (you and your fiance) should have discussed it with her (and probably shouldn't have been discussing it at his house). As to the dress situation, she shouldn't be wearing any color resembling white in your wedding. White is traditionally reserved for the bride and only the bride. Put a stop to that immediately. If your fiance doesn't understand that, put it this way- you're wearing a white dress, his mother isn't. If he can't get her to wear a different dress, then either you're eloping, she's not invited to the wedding or something needs to be prioritized. Frankly, I think your fiance needs a reality check. This is your wedding, meant for the two of you. Not his mother. If you two can't join together and plan this how can you expect to join together on anything once you're married? If his mother is going to be putting her two cents in on everything and omitting your opinion from every little detail of your own life, how do you expect to live your life? Your fiance is taking his mother's side in all of this. I'm not saying that he should never be on his mother's side, but he shouldn't be taking his mother's side when she is obviously in the wrong. You shouldn't be talking to your soon to be mother-in-law, you should be talking to your fiance. He's letting his mother ruin your relationship and he's standing by and watching it. Work on your relationship, make him grow a backbone and stand up to his mother before you walk down the aisle and set yourself up for disaster.
2016-05-22 23:18:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your fiance's mess to fix. Put it back on your fiance. If the fiance can't fix it to your satisfaction, tell the fiance that the wedding is off until it is. Otherwise, you're in for a long life of conflict and misery (not that there's anything UNUSUAL about that in married life).
2006-12-16 03:29:13 · answer #4 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can do is to try to turn her around in your favor. Ask her opinion, talk to her a lot, get to know her so she knows you well, help her out, be there when she needs someone, and i repeat ask her opinion. All this might seem to be really hard but for the long run its good cause the better you can get along the better it will be for you.
2006-12-16 03:02:41 · answer #5 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Best advice: Do NOT marry until you & future MIL are free of this drama. If she asserts control over your fiance or forces herself between you two, you will RESENT him. It eats away at your marriage if he will not stand up to protect this union & sides with his mommy. You'll lose any respect for him.
Wait. See what happens first.
2006-12-16 03:17:12 · answer #6 · answered by upside down 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all quit calling her that, and respect this woman who gave birth to the man you love and want to marry! Secondly, discuss things with your guy, and see if there is something that can be worked out - depending on the specific situation.
You need to be polite to her, and your husband to be wants you to be welcomed into his family as you would want him to be in yours, so bite your lip and try to get along.
2006-12-16 03:56:10 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wish u the best.luckily my husband has back 100%. so im ok when we have a confrontation.i know he isnt going to get mad at anything i say to her. it hasnt happened in awhile though. i just stay away as much as i can. and when she calls i dont answer but if he is home i have him answer. she never like me when she met me i was 18, but here we are 9 yrs later still hating each other. its all good though.
2006-12-16 05:23:23 · answer #8 · answered by Moniluv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay away from her as much as possible, that's what i do and it works for me. once i understood how shallow she was and i don't need to impress her for any reason, it was alot easier. my hubby is my top priority and he's very supportive and that helps. it's just too stressful being around her so i stopped trying to be the 'good' daughter in law and just focus on my life and marriage. good luck.
2006-12-16 04:07:54 · answer #9 · answered by inluvwithb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, when you speak to the woman speak to her with respect. Respond to what she says, don't react. Take a breath, think of what you want to say and then say it calmly and respectfully. This teaches Respect.
When she speaks to you inappropriately you can say to her, "MIL, I don't talk to you that way....Why would you speak to me like that?" And she'll have to think about it.
"She stepping on my toes." So, I take it toes are out of bounds? If she's getting into your business you need a consistent response, "MIL, we have that taken care of." Every time.
Unless you could use the help in which case take a look at which toe she is stepping on and whether or not you can let her have that space. If you can, say, "Thanks."
2006-12-16 03:22:08 · answer #10 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
My mother-in-law was the same at first.. Try to get your soon to be hubby on your side, by letting him know his mother is doing wrong by you... If he cannot talk to her, just be nice and smile and ignore her rude ways.. It's just a way of getting attention to get you upset. So ignore it.
2006-12-16 03:04:54 · answer #11 · answered by ~ Ruchira~ 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋