What is a midlife crisis?...?

Question

I have been married for 12 years-always faithfull, 3 kids and a good job. Me and wife do not fight or argue, kids are well behaved and respectful and there is no reason I can think of that explains why I want to leave them. I love them dearly-what gives? Why would I want to throw it all away for some potential new relationship?

Answer 1

Happens all the time, brother. Just about all men have this occur at one time or another - or over a long period of time - during their marriage.

In some, it becomes an overwhelmingly strong need and it blinds the man to everything else that makes sense in his life. If this happens to you, you need to speak to your doctor first. There may be something organic going on that you need to address. Assuming that you are OK medically, give it some time - it may go away. But, don't act on it. Impulsive reaction to wanting to roam will only lead to disaster. Resist! Remember, you have a wife and kids!!!

If this persists, see a competent marriage counselor or personal psychologist - alone. Don't take your wife unless the counselor thinks it will be helpful. But, do tell your wife that things have been bothering you, that it's not about her, and that you need some time to work through it. (It's not fair to worry her unnecessarily. Be reassuring, loving, kind, and attentive. She deserves that.)

Understand that most men like to wander. After a certain number of years in the same routine, we like to test out or "hunk-ability" with females. It's a prideful, egocentric temptation reinforced by the media and our single guy friends. Avoid the temptation at all costs. You can ruin your life.

I've seen beautiful marriages and families broken up and scattered just because the husband/father couldn't keep his wick dry. Typically, after the fling, there is deep remorse, the cute little babe has left your sorry self and gone of to find another conquest, leaving you alone and desolate. Your wife doesn't want you within three feet of her, your kids think you are scum (justifiably), and your friends just look at you and shake their heads.

Understand this: you're older now. It's normal. It happens. You're not going to die soon. Your happiest moments in the future will be with a loving life companion and grandkids. You want to toss that in the bay over some temporary need to satisfy selfish concerns about your manhood? have an adventure? experience "life"? help out some poor, lonely, and abused young woman that needs a daddy-figure in her life?

Time to grow up and be an adult. Now, go give your wife a big hug, tell her how much you appreciate and care about her, and picture your kids having kids and growing old gracefully as a loving grandpa. Isn't that a better picture than the one you are contemplating?

Answer 2

Okay, you don't say how old you are, but this feeling sometimes
has to do with your age. However, from what you've described, as far as your wife & children, those feelings are normal. Maybe not appealing, but normal. Usually, it's because you're living the same all the time, without enough "exciting" things in your life for it to "feel" exciting. I know, that doesn't seem to make much sense. It's like the same job, and nothing changes through time, for you to continue the "want" and desire to go to work. If your wife and you do not go out like you did when you were younger, go. A lot of times people also stop doing things by themselves which gives them a feeling of individuality. It makes them feel like nothing is "only" theirs, and it makes them feel almost suffocated
with the desire to run! If you "know" you love your wife and kids, don't run. Instead, find something you like to do by yourself, and do it, and do it without feeling bad. At the same time, do things, go places with your wife that you've either "never" done, or haven't done in a long time, and it will bring back a lot of the excitement and newness into your lives. You should be okay. If you spend all of your free time "with" each other, you can't very well tell your spouse, guess what "I" did today? Because they already know. Okay? And try to encourage your wife to have a life outside of you & your kids too. And don't feel bad for feeling good. Good luck.

Answer 3

Relationships will always have ebbs and flows. It will never always be up and it will never always be down. That is life. The problem is within you. Marriage can get routine and even though you know you love them all you wish you had the excitement and newness of a relationship. The grass is not always greener.

If you are bored in your relationship that means you are bored in your life. Think about what you would like to do regardless of your relationship and try to schedule those things in your life. New hobby, new skill, vacation? If your bored,,,your boring.. I heard it somewhere...can't remember right now.

This is totally fixable. Decide that you love your family enough to stay and you are going to find happiness within yourself first. If you find that happiness in yourself and then you are still unhappy then consider other options. I would bet though that you are just unhappy with you and you think that a new relationship will fill the void. It won't.

You will have a new set of challenges to face and new issues/demands from your new girl. ONes that you may not even like. In the beginning, things are always great but they always change because people are who they are.

Don't throw what you have away. Try to work on yourself. Talk to your wife about doing new things. If she is not open to it initially, it could be simply she is also stuck in a routine so just go ahead and join the hobby and try to get her involved. She will come around.

If you could add something to your life what would it be? Money, car? friends to laugh with? golf? Think about what you would like to have and try to make some small goals.

Good luck. I can't imagine how awful this feels. I know you can do it.

Answer 4

Define and explain Mid life crisis in the american male......

...An excuse to run wild...buy a corvette...run around with younger females because they have just woken up and realized that they "sniff" are not "HAPPY". No such thing exists in reality, only a mental state of the male waking up and realizing that alas...he is not president of the united states, Bill Gates or Mick Jagger after all.

All people age, no one ever fufills all of their dreams they had as a child. Funny this phenomena doesnt really exist in the female. Perhaps because its a myth perpetuated by men to justify bad and irresponsible and inconsiderate behavior on their part.

Be happy you have a family that loves you and wonderful children and get yoru head out of your ***.

The only thing more pathetic than a 40 year old man trying to act like hes 20 again is a 50 year old man whos wife left hiim and kids despise him because of his "percieved Mid-life crisis".

Wake up stupid.

Answer 5

experienced during middle age,starting at age 40. zest and sparkle is waning due to aging,physical decline,marriage trouble,unfulfilled dreams,etc...to cope with these feelings of uncertainty.men undergoing this crisis ventures into doing the unexpected which may add excitement to their lives which when uncontrolled can ruin self and family.....

Answer 6

Separation or divorce is a mid life crisis.

Answer 7

Some psychological tendancy to want to reclaim your youth
once you get middle aged...

Answer 8

It's the burning off of the last vestiges of youth. You'll get past it.

Answer 9

u decide...but we all sometims pass through that time

For all the single ones out there looking for romance:
http://gogo.kubera.ro/passion/passion.html

Answer 10

Depends on the breast size of the young lady you'd leave your family for...