what could have changed?

Question

My husband and I don't usually "fight"/argue. Yesterday we did, I am a stay at home mom, just recently we bought a home and we decided that he would manage the finances. ( with the added bills and being that I am terrible at balancing the check book) It was working out great. but lately I noticed he is blaming me for the littlest things like why dont you check the mail more often or you should be doing this or that ect. He raised his voice, I told him to hush because the kids were sleeping....boy that just ticked him more. He told me to get a life, because I am a worthless piece of ****, and that I should get a job, as is I had already gained some weight and was feeling self conscious of myself, I believe in the 12 years that we have been together, that is the WORST thing he has ever said to me. Now my question is.. do you think he is tired of me, the family life? I dont know what to think, he wont talk to me and tries to avoid me. What do I do?

Answer 1

He is overwhelmed with all he is trying to manage. Do not take personal offense to what he says, his acting out is just his way of releasing his frustration. The best thing you can do for him is to try harder at managing the home life. Make sure there is less for him to do but that there is more love and calmness for him to come home to. Realize that won't happen until you deal with yourself first. You have to be confident in your self love and you are not currently. Don't sit and feel self concious about your weight if you notice it do something about it and feel good about yourself for being able to read yourself and supply your need. If your baby was crying you wouldn't just feel bad about it, you do something about it. You have to be the same way with yourself. Your husband needs you to take greater responsibility because right now he feels like he has to do everything and he is depleted in self love because he only feels like every part of his life is sucking him of love and energy but nothing is giving him time for himself or giving him enough loving energy in return. His heart is crying out to him that it needs his love and he is frustrated that he is tied to his responsibilities and can not have freedom to enjoy his life. You need to improve your flow of self love then everything at home and in your life will improve.

Answer 2

Hi there...Your husband may be like that for several reasons...As the sole breadwinner, he may be facing stress in his work, and may not be able to find an outlet for it, hence, taking it out on you....I think that the above is the most possible reason for the current situation...However, as much as i hate to say it, it may also be due to a change of heart (which i think is highly unlikely given that you have been together for 12 solid years). You might want to understand how he feels better by trying to communicate with him more and then seek the best solution for it...As psychological intellectuals have proven, the reason to why couples quarrel or fight is because they do not understand each other well enough or might not understand what the other half is going through....

In short, I reckon you should probably get him to sit down with you and have a nice chat....Do not be too serious but do not make it too casual...I think you will find the answer then....Hope that was useful....

Answer 3

Is it possible that MAYBE he is feeling the pressure of the house being bought? Maybe he is feeling burdened. Guys aren't the best at expressing their feelings. They usually say what they mean, but in a WAY they don't mean to. It could be there is new pressure at work and it's added to the pressure of the home buying. Try sending the kids to their grandparents one night or weekend and give him some quiet time. Talk to him and find out if there is something going on that you might be able to help with. If it is that he wants you to get a job, go apply for something part time or full time. I wish you luck. Communication is the key.

Answer 4

While I agree with most of the poster's answers about him feeling stressed and stuff, I find it appalling that he would speak to you in such a way. To fight, okay. To lash out, okay....we all do that. But for him to call you a worthless piece of *** is completely inexcusable. And I'm sure that you are going to hold on to the pain of that for some time. I'm so sorry. He's trying to "beat" you down verbally to make himself feel better.

I would sit down and think about how the rest of your marriage is going. You should be VERY PROUD of doing what you are doing for your family. Most people don't see it, but in the end it makes all the difference. I promise.

Answer 5

more than likely he is jealous that you don't have to work. i would say do more around the house and just check the mail more often. obviously a marriage should be 50/50. he doesn't feel like it is, so you should work on your part some more. after all, you do have all day long to do it. the kids do nap don't they? check the mail then.

maybe you could get a part time job at night or during the day, do ur kids go to school? work out, diet and work on yourself. he may feel like you don't want to be pretty for him or impress him anymore. this really affects men because they are very visual creatures. it's not hard to please a man if you're trying, sounds like you need to give it some more effort so he feels appreciated and not so bitter towards you.

Answer 6

100% He is feeling pressured financially.
It is probably partially because he wasn't previously paying the bills and now that his is he is feeling slightly out of his depth and secondly he is fearful that he will forget to pay something on time.

Have your cost gone up by buying, ie rent v mortgage payment?
With the cost of moving maybe you need to cut back until you are back on top.

Typically guys need to be managed. Maybe a file with bills waiting to be paid in a date based order may fix it. Maybe you need to get up to speed on balancing a check book and gently take the stress away from him. In fact it might be that the change in who manages the funds has just put a little bit of stress on him that he has coped with poorly.

He is not tired of you and probable feels bad already. It is the change that has thrown him. x

Answer 7

Fights happen and unfortunately sometimes people hit below the belt in a way to hurt the other person.

Money is probably tight because you've just bought a new home and he's feeling a bit stressed.

Tomorrow, talk to him calmly about what happened and ask him what the problem is.

Answer 8

He is just probably stressed out because of work. Try to sit down and talk to him when he is calm. You can also look for a part-time job to help pay the bills. He is probably rethinking his decision to have you stay home.

Answer 9

one thing it may be is that he's stressed. thing is, being supportive and responding to him may be what you need to do. but don't pressure it. if he's avoiding talking to you, he is doing the famous avoidance/withdrawal symptoms that men usually do. right now, perhaps you just need to give him some time and he should come around, but let him know that you do care and are there when he is ready to talk. men can be so fickle sometimes. perhaps you could even search for a job and see how that works out.

Answer 10

suddenly one year my marriage began to change, seemed to find nothing good about me, and mentioned my weight gain in a most hurtful way. than the fight picking, and name calling began. life was no longer right for me, felt unloved and unwanted, and u know what i was. shortly after he left, than i found out about her, the other woman, found out he had been seeing her for awhile. so he began to treat me badly when the other woman came into the picture. he admitted he did not love me and hadn't for awhile. up until than i had a pretty descent marriage, no disrespect, just normal. i could not understand when he started treating me badly. it was because he no longer wanted to be there, wasn't happy with his role in life, blamed me for everything, all because he had someone else he would rather have been with, and they were waiting for her husband to leave. get a job, and get some self respect, he believes in his mind u are worthless, cause he is comparing u to someone else. when a man cheats he usually magnifies your shortcoming's and puts her on a pedestal.