Should I get help?

Question

I just feel so unhappy lately. I know that a lot of people get sad at the holidays, but I just feel depressed. My life isn't what I wanted it to be and the worst thing is a friend of mine got the job I was qualified for...I haven't spoken to him in two years.
I married a great guy who I love very much, but he's not what I usually went for....the bad boy type. This guy is verrry nice and treats me like a princess. Sometimes though, I wish he'd be a little rough around the edges for me, you know?
We have a ton of bills, mostly health bills and he's had to get a second job. I work several jobs in the home on the computer. Don't make as much as he does, but he likes me home.
What I want to know is am I just a bad person for feeling this way? I cry myself to sleep every night because I hate myself.

Answer 1

"I cry myself to sleep every night because I hate myself."

For me, that's the clincher. Yes, you should talk to a professional. It's possible to pull yourself out of a depression, but it's so much more difficult and will take much longer. I would talk to your husband about it too. If he's as nice and understanding as he sounds, he may be able to help you through this dark period. Whether he helps you or not, you need to talk to a pro.

Answer 2

You are definitely depressed, and you need to talk with your family doctor about being put on an antidepressant, like Celexa (yes, I know you said you have a lot of medical bills, but this is a cheap med and it would only be an office visit). Secondly, I also think you're depressed because you work at home, and do not have the everyday contact with face-to-face co-workers. I used to do a private duty job (I'm a registered nurse), and I only had 1 patient who is a child and ventilator-dependant. This kept me constantly depressed, and I was the only nurse; which made things worse, because there was no one to confide in over her situation except family. If it's feasible for you, get a part-time job somewhere out in the workfield that you have people you can talk to, make friendships with and have fun working with. Even if that means taking a job you are underqualified for.

Now about the husband. I am in a similar situation. My husband is a wonderful person, great to me, and a terrific father to our 2 daughters. But, he's also a policeman, and he walks a "straight line" when it comes to everything. I was always like you and went for the "bad boy" type; the musicians with long hair, the jocks who treated everyone like dirt, etc. Some people are attracted to that, and always will be. You have to admit to yourself if you are happier with security. I'm not suggesting divorce, because I wouldn't trade mine for anyone else in the world, even though I wish he'd be a little more "rough around the edges" as you put it. But try and accept him for who he is and appreciate that you are a princess to him. Those kind of guys are very hard to come by.

Answer 3

Well, I guess it's ok to get depressed sometimes. However, it is not ok to count your blessings. a)Great husband. So what if he's not rough around the edges...get over it. People would kill for just that alone. b) He works two jobs. Ditto. He still comes home to you. c) A roof over your head, regular meals, hot showers, coffee in the morning and a chance to do it all again tomorrow.

You're not a bad person. You guys love each other, are making headway, slowly, and you've survived all the health issues. You're here to see the sun come up tomorrow, together.

You are a lucky woman.

Oh, and call that friend of yours and tell him congratulations on his job. He didn't take anything from you the employer didn't give him. Sometimes God says no. Get your friend back.

Answer 4

I get depressed around the holidays, but that is because I never tried as much as my siblings do. And, I always go for the bad boy type, but currently I am not with a bad boy, I'm with a saint and it's been my longest relationship yet, 3 years. Why hate yourself? No ones life is like how they want, by the age I am, I thought I would have been married and have well 3 to 5 kids by now, be a great writer, and my bad boy ex-boyfriend would have been my husband, but I'm glad that didn't happen. But, I'm not so happy how my life changed had to change, why it did. Oh, yeah, sorry go to a doctor and tell them how you feel, they will prescribe something for you.

Answer 5

Anna, you definietly could use some help. Honey, you have a good case of depression. If you don't want to seek a counsler at least go to your family doctor and tell him what is going on. They can give you a mild depression pill to help. I would recommend Zofolt, as the least side effects. It's going to take a couple of weeks to get into your system, so don't stop taking them because it doesn't seem to be working.

Anna, everyone goes thru something like this in their lives. Sometimes, they go through this several times. You need a outlet, you need to get out of the house some. That's one thing about working at home, you don't see anybody, and that's depressing. No one to talk to, to laugh with, or even fuss about. I work by myself too, and some days, it's so boring and lonely till I could scream.

You and your husband need to do something together. A walk in the park is free, go look at the Christmas lights. Go window shopping, call a friend up and say let's hit the mall. Stir away from the computer and talk to some real people. Check into seeing if you qualify to get a Pell grant, and take some college courses. The bills, I know are a major worry, but I am going to tell you something, they can't eat you, but they can give you a nervous breakdown worrying about them.

See if you can get a loan to pay everything off, but for the medical. Make a payment arrangement with them for a couple of bucks a month. You don't have to send a load every month, pay them a little, but do it every month. Anna, I wish I could give you a hug, I have been in your shoes. It's just so hard sometimes to just face everything, but you can do it, and things to get better. But you have got to get yourself feeling better, and one way to do that is putting things in some kind of order.

Please think about doing something for yourself. Grab the husband and say let's go get a coke. Spend sometime together, spend sometime outside the house. I quarantee you feel better. If you can see a counsler, and if you can't at least see the family doc. Taking something to help isn't the cure, but it does help things look a little clearer...praying for things to get better and brighter for you.

God bless us all.............

Answer 6

I have been there. I always had rougher guys but my husband is the sweetest man I have ever known. I went through a period of huge depression and could not figure out exactly why when I finally had so much love and care in my life. The problem for me I found was that I had been so attached to the lack of love that when love truly showed up I realized how depleted I was and that showed up as depression. Unsatisfied with everything and unable to appreciate the love right in front of me. It took me years to work it out and come to a place where I realized emotions are like clothes. You can put them on and you can take them off any time you want to. You have to look at emotions as a sensor or guide to your body telling you what you need. They do not control you unless you do not accept control of your life. What life is asking of you is to let go of all your pain because it is only something you can keep alive inside of you. Life is asking you to relax and allow yourself to be loved so you can start to love yourself. Life is asking you to love yourself, to simplify your life and enjoy the moment you are in. Bills, everyone has bills and everyone will always have bills, but not everyone can work from home and not everyone gets treated like a princess and not everyone was spared from a job that would suck the life out of us even though we were qualified for it. You want an idea of life that was truly negative but Life wants to give you something greater than you intended. Accept the beauty in your life and create a stronger you inside of it by letting go of your expectations and love where you are today and you will find this will be the foundation to solving all of your emotional problems. You can apply this principle to everything and you'll heal yourself and others around you in a miraculous way.

Answer 7

Hmm, it almost sounds like a personal satisfaction that you feel like your missing here. Not much to do with your husband or your friend. THe best thing to do here, is to start talking things out, perhaps with yourself, on paper; with a close friend, close family member, perhaps a councillor. This is not to say there is something wrong with you, but these things will help you identify what you feel is missing and perhaps help you with the drive to get it. Make yourself a plan to discover what it is and stick to the plan. Once you have that made that choice, that in itself will help you feel you have a purpose, enable to enjoy your holiday, and keep you driven to enact upon your plan. A sense of self discovery, if you will, is a pretty enlightening process. Good luck with that, and don't dispair..it could take some time or it could happen very fast...it really depends on how honest and open you are willing to be. Have a happy Christmas!

Answer 8

If you are not happy you need to ask yourself why? This guy may be a nice guy, but he may not be the one for you. What do you need to be happy? Maybe work outside the home, make friends. It you are at home all the time and he is working all the time you are probably very lonely.

Another options is be carefull, you may be going into clinical depression. If you can't shake the feeling you need to seek some professional help.

Answer 9

You could go to a doctor and get on medication that might make you feel better but it won't improve your situation at all.

I say you need to spend some time with yourself. "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." That helped me a lot when I redecorated my life.

You need to make yourself happy first. Never mind the husband or possible children (you didn't mention any but you never know). Make sure your own needs are being met, then you will feel better about yourself and the relationships you have in your life.

Answer 10

If you cry yourself to sleep every night because you don't like who you are,you need the help of a professional councilor.I hope you get a good one because your recovery is only as good as your help.There is nothing wrong with a guy treating you good.My God I looked for years for a half way decent guy.I got me a real sweety.I guess I had enough rough around the edges.Please seek help soon.Good luck.