Do I let go of a love that is real because of a psycho?

Question

I am 31 years old and I am in a relationship with a guy that I have known since we were 15. We were always good friends but he was married and I was too. He has been divorced for almost 2 years and his ex remarried more than a year ago and has a baby that is almost a year old with her new man. My friend and I started seeing each other almost 6 months ago. He seemed so happy and sure about wanting a relationship and was very loving and affectionate to me, he ask me would I like to move in with him shortly after we started seeing each other, Since we decided to move in, his ex has been very psychotic and she took his 3 kids and left the state for 3 months without notice leaving him very depressed, and then just recently showed up at our door threatening him that he will not see them as long as he and I are together. What can we do to stop her from using his kids as pawns and let us have peace in our lives in future together? Please anyone

It's not just me personally, it would be the same with anyone he chooses to have a life with, she wants to be able to control him, and I have been very supportive and trying to show him he has options without having to deal with her comments and threats, and his options are open whether he is with me or not, I will stand by him no matter what because he doesn't deserve being treated like this and his children especially don't, no matter where I am, that fact remains true.

update... she is married to someone else and has been for almost 2 years. I have been divorced for 5 years. If she loved him, she would not hurt him by threatening him with his children, infact she has told his mother on several occasions she would stop at nothing to make him miserable, she even went as far as telling him that only one of the children belong to him biologically, and that she cheated on him more than 4 times which is a fact, and 2 of the children look just like him, she is playing games with him and telling the kids he doesnt want to see them, and he pays her four hundred dollars a month child support and I give him two hundred dollars every month just to help out with any other needs they might have. She doesn't even know I do this, as for him having a seperate relationship with his children aside of me, I couldn;t agree more, infact I more than encourage it, I love him and those kids and only want to see them all happy, I will stand by him no matter what happens.

Answer 1

Is it just you she objects to or would it be the same whoever he was with? If it's just you it's going to be tough because obviously if he thinks he can see his children just by getting you out of his life he will eventually do just that. However if she would be the same with ANY woman in his life he needs to realise that unless he is prepared to live the rest of his life alone he has the stand up to her and sort it out, he should get the support of her new man, he must surely be unhappy about the situation. ....failing that he may need a family lawyer - Good Luck to you both and to his poor children.

Answer 2

You have stated that you were also married. Have you divorced before you moved in to your ex?Othersise that may create new problems.

As far as your present prolem is considered has there not been any order regarding the custody of the three kids(which were with him that his ex took away) If the custody is given to your ex let him insist upon having them and that his ex can see them occasionally,if she wishes.Your ex will have to be a little more resolute than just pining for his kids. (I know it is easier said than done) and wait for the court's order. If his ex does not wish to see him while you are there you may concede this request when she is on a visit to her children at your ex's house(now your house) just as a matter of curtsy.You need not break your relationship for the psychological ex of your ex. Her condition is understandable and will have to be accommodated.

Answer 3

My ex threatened me with the same thing. I took her to court.

Sounds like you are in the states so if this is true...there is no way she can deny visitation. Even if he is behind on child support. After a motion was granted to me to see my daughter and if she din't allow me, she would have gone to jail.

My brother-in-law went though something similar not to long ago. His ex remarried and had moved out of state. The orginal motion that was granted had her meet half way for him to see the kids.

Divorce is nasty...one always wants to hurt the other.

I always stayed calm and now daughter of 23 years respects me more than she does her mother because I never said things bad about my ex in front of her.

It takes a long time, a big pill to swallow so to speak. I cried myself to sleep so many times of what I was going through.

It hurt bad then but now she is an adult...she always talks to me other than her Mom.

Answer 4

tough for your partner but he cant allow himself to be blackmailed because i and anyone else will agree,,if he bows to this demand she will think of others,,,they are over and she might not like the fact he has moved on but this is about her,not the kids,,if by talking to her he cant explain the only people hurting here are the kids it is likely even if you and he parted she would come up with another reason he cant see them,be there,show support and dont be tempted to sit and ***** about her as this will only make him feel more miserable than he does now,,he needs to sort this alone so he knows you are not like her,,someone who loves but only as long as the rules are stuck to,,dont give her any satisfaction by letting her spoil what you have,,he will be more able to face her and her threats if he knows you are beside but not a part of this problem,he may not be able to change her mind and he will need you to support him and if she does back down knowing you and he are not going to end things,,all the better but keep the hugs flowing and the listening ear at the ready,it may be all he needs to face her and say what he thinks about this situation.

Answer 5

she will just have to get over it the best way is by him paying child support and getting visiting rights for his kids if things get worse make sure that you put a stop on her coming to your house, it will take her time to get on with her own life again she doesn't love him but she doesn't want anyone else to have him, also try and keep you distance between his and her children for the time been let him have contact with them without you around just for awhile this will help her see you not taking the kids away from her or taking her place but if she has already used the kids against him i think she will continue to do this but you have to show her that it wont work and that you will stand by him.good luck be strong for him

Answer 6

she is angry because she still loves him, and did not expect him to move on, she sees that he is happy, and knows that she is not, so she wants to hurt u and him. she really can't keep his children from him, he needs to get an attorney, and if he is paying his child support, and the kid's aren't in any danger than the court will order her to allow him to see them.she thinks u took something away from her, she feels u stoled her man, even though u did not. he needs to get an attorney, but it could lead to a long fight, with her making unreal things up about u, it is all about her jelousy and her life, apparently she thought she could always come back to him, that he would always be there. she may not have wanted him before, but now sees u and she has changed her mind, and she now sees him as someone she wants back. as her new relationship is not all she dreamed it would be.

Answer 7

Why don't you find yourself a man to marry that doesn't have any kids? She obviously loves him still and those kids are the ones who will grow up to repeat the behavior they viewed in their parents. You go away and let those kids have their mom and dad back. You will never have peace because those little human lives will never really accept or see you as nothing but a you know what? Think about it!

Answer 8

He should have visitation in place.

Somewhere in the divorce it should specify whether or not she can legally leave the state with the kids.

If none of this is specified then go to Family Court and ask for the papers to file. Fill them out honestly and return them and ask for a copy. Then go to court and have the boundaries established. a) The kids cannot leave the state without his express permission. b) He gets the kids on specified dates, time frames.

I'd keep the idea of putting a restraining order in place in back of my mind if she cannot control her behaviors and behave in a civilized manner.

You can also agree to meet at a neutral place to exchange the kids. that way she doesn't come to your house, and he doesn't have to go to hers.

Answer 9

I think that the police should be involved. I think that you should stay with this guy and try to get court orders against her.
Get evidence of her behavior. Use a little discreet tape recorder(Dictaphone) to record what she says and even video it if you can. Take this to the police. Her behavior is unacceptable and she may be mentally ill.
I think if you got married to this guy you would have a stroger case and it is a good thing to do any way

Answer 10

i won't be in a position to narrate, yet i like to think of i'm able to sparkling up issues! permit's see. you're "situation" is which you have a perplexing time letting somebody get on the factor of you becuase of previous experieces. you're what, 30 now( *wink* )? you could preserve your self, so which you do no longer could situation approximately being raped or molested returned. i'm clearly sorry that got here approximately to you, yet it is on your previous. this guy clearly loves you. permit him. Get previous the insecurities and permit him on the factor of you. have faith in your self AND in him. that's going to be a slow technique, yet you could make it artwork. good success. -Twitch