My husband is constantly hurting my feelings. He had an affair, he isn't always around when I need him to be, he makes me feel like he doesn't love me. We try to have fun together and are working on our relationship.
This morning we got into a disagreement and he couldn't understand it. I have been trying to be nice to him despite everything he has done to me. I try to give him his space and don't pressure him to be with me 100% of the time. He constantly wants attention and likes affection from me, and I give it to him.
The problem is, he doesn't always reciprocate. This morning, I woke up happy to be with him. I gave him a massage and scratched his back. He didn't respond and jumped out of bed to check his work phone messages.
Later on, he wanted me to massage his feet. I told him that he had hurt my feelings and he couldn't understand why. Why expect affection if you can't return it?
2006-12-16 00:46:45 · 18 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Are you crazy?...I am sorry but you are a door matt to him and nothing more...if you put up with it, that is your problem not his. If he can treat you that way and get away with it he will....why not?
You sound like you have been beaten down to having no self confdence...he did that to you or you arrived that way, don't put up with this crap, you don't need that.
Why do you want to put up with this?....I hope you don't have kids sso you can get out and away, you have been treated ridiculously, get out, leave him....let the next sucker rub his stupid feet...jeese, pick up your self esteem, leave this idiot.
2006-12-16 00:55:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
If your relationship is in recovery following an affair you both need to work hard at it. Maybe he thinks he has been forgiven and that's it. Try to talk to him without arguing, losing you temper or sulking won't help. If you are staying in the relationship you must NEVER throw the past in his face and he must ALWAYS be aware of your fragile feelings. If you find that talking always ends in a row, try counselling it can help.
Massaging is a 2 way thing BTW...you massage him, he does the same for you....you are his wife not his slave...don't forget that.
2006-12-16 00:52:19 · answer #2 · answered by ffiondove 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry, you are going thru a terrible time right now. You feel as though you are not being treated fairly, especially when you are working so hard on your marraige. It does appear that you are the ONLY one working hard on this marraige. You may be faced with tougher choices in the days ahead with your husband. At this point, it almost sounds as if he has control over you and is perhaps feeling guilty and/or may be taking advantage of the fact that you want this marraige to work so badly. At this point, it might not be a bad idea to involve a professional here to aide you both in your marraige...especially if it helps you both decide if there IS a marraige to save or not. Always try to be true to yourself; stand up for yourself. If your starting to feel like you are being walked on by him, then you probably are. Grab your inner strength and be assertive. You are worth it!
2006-12-16 00:59:21 · answer #3 · answered by ♀♥☼ alycat☼♥♀ 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
yep my bf of 10 years is the same way women are a lot more emotional than men and need to be understood i wish i could say leave him he is not worth it but i wont because love wont give up i know, all i did is back off and let him come to me and i took things less as he meant to hurt me and more like he doesn't know he is hurting me he had a affair and you have to expect that things are gonna be raw with you but you took him back and i think he feels like he can use you,you tell him that he takes and you give and it needs to returned as you feel like your being used and maybe you could try some counseling together , also remember men aren't mind readers there just useless only joking i hope thing work out for you
2006-12-16 00:58:10 · answer #4 · answered by upyafartpipe 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know, i think your husband is a selfish ****. He is using you and he is keeping you around because you give him enough space so he can play around on you. It seems you are the giver and he is the taker in this relationship. One sided relationships seldom work. As long as you let him get away with acting this way he will continue to act this way. Stand up for your self and tell him to shape up or ship out. Really!! do you want to live this way? I'm sure you could do better for your self, is your self as steam that low? It probably is because he has worn you down emotionally. Boy i wish i could get my hands on him. He is a self centered s***.
Please do take this from him !!! Good Luck Hun Hugs xx
2006-12-16 00:59:36 · answer #5 · answered by angel 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I had kind of the same thing... I adored my ex gf and did all that I could for her.... she did much for me TOO.. but.... most of the time the affection and attention wasn't always returned.. I KNOW that ppl aren't in the mood to be loved on all the time.. (well.. I am.. but anyways).... but it just hurt me so badly.... and between it and me making a stupid decision... cost us .... everything. I wish you the best of luck... and I"m here if you ever want to just talk.
- K
2006-12-16 00:50:52 · answer #6 · answered by Ken 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Because you let him be....
You said that he wants attention, you give it to him. You massage him,then he comes back and expect you to rub his feet? Sorry, sweetie, it is your fault.
You might need to see if he is cheating again, why is he so worried about message when his wife is tending to him.
2006-12-16 00:53:11 · answer #7 · answered by Maveryck 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband takes you for granted, in an extreme way. It doesn't sound as if it is a healty relationship. I would expect him to change. I would ask to see counseling. If he doesn't change for the good of your marriage then leave. Don't spend the rest of your life feeling like this, you deserve better.
2006-12-16 00:49:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
sounds like you need to toughen up,,he treats you as he likes and you demand nothing,,it is quite normal in a marriage for a partner to say,,"hell no,im not scratching your back" if you give everything for free he may just feel he needs to do nothing to get it,change tactics and say your piece,,start to expect respect not ask for it,,being a good wife should not mean you have to be unhappy and feel neglected,,he is being selfish and has probably been doing it for so long it has become habit,,start with the pleases and thank-you,s,,given his dinner,,liked it? a thank-you wouldnt go amiss would it,,get him to see you and not just wander around in his peripheral vision.
2006-12-16 00:57:26 · answer #9 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry, can't answer this until I know how long have you been married? Less than a year I would guess and I guess you don't have children if you have time to massage each other and if he has time to cheat??
2006-12-16 00:50:44 · answer #10 · answered by Sugar 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋