when I was first married I asked my husband if he would ever disrespect me enough to cheat, he said he couldnt really know for sure because there might be situations, like, being drunk at a party, or, meeting a woman he was attracted to he couldnt resist! I was dumbfounded at this. Now its 25 years later and I left him. The main reason is porn addiction,lies,cruelty. Should I have ended it at that first honest answer? What would yall have done?
2006-12-16 00:18:19 · 11 answers · asked by sandra b 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if i knew what i know now, as with age comes wisdom we did not have once. i wouldn't have ever begun some of the relationships i was in. yes had u been more mature, and had any idea of what the future with him would be, u should never have married him. but when we are young, we think love will conquor all, that we can overcome things, and we really don't know how bad some of those things are. yes we live and learn but often times not soon enough to save us from years of hurt.
2006-12-16 01:32:18 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i see right off the bat i will be out numbered with my answer but that's OK it just gives you more then one way to look at things. i think when you asked him that question he did tell you the truth, and heres why. to love someone enough to get married to them i don't thing you have cheating on your mind, but you asked him (would he EVER) that was not something he could give you a yes or no answer to and be honest with you. no one knows what the future will bring so how could be answer a question like that with a 100% guarantee if he would have asked you would you EVER leave him you most likely told him no , but now 25 yrs later you would have lied to him. as for the reasons you left him , does he have a porn addiction ? he is a grown man and might just enjoy looking at porn that doesn't make you addicted in it self, and after 25 yrs he might be trying to come up with new ways to spice things up in the bed room for you and him. the lies is hard to say because you didn't say what he lied about , if its about the porn you might have brought that on your self by fussing or nagging him about it. and the cruelty you also didn't say what that was about so i cant help you there.
2006-12-16 09:04:29 · answer #2 · answered by slimpepsiaholic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what they say about hindsight....
There is no use beating yourself up about the past. At the time, you probably loved him so much that you overlooked this comment. Now it is easier to think that you should have been more cautious about the relationship. Either way, you are free now and it is never to late to find a good partner.
I can look back and see all the mistakes I have made in relationships and I know that I have learned from every one of them. When you are ready to start dating again, take your time to really get to know the guy and make sure he meets your needs. Focus on what you are looking for, not what you think he is looking for, and this will improve the odds that you find a good partner.
2006-12-16 08:27:12 · answer #3 · answered by schweetums 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who knows probably the same thing as you. One thing for sure you cant go back but you can sure go forward. So don't even think about the wrongs you may or may not have done 25 years ago. This was not wasted time but now its over and time to move on be happy and enjoy life in a whole new way.
Everything gets better with time! (Happy-Holidays) Smiles
2006-12-16 08:27:16 · answer #4 · answered by canuticklemepink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Water under the bridge.
You didn't say if he cheated. I personally would never marry someone who gave me an answer like that.
Monogamous people are hardwired that way. I just don't have eyes for anyone but the one I love.
Cheaters are not that way. They are like the gay, they were born different and for some reason instead of admitting they really want to be swingers, they are always trying to pass themselves off as straight arrows.
2006-12-16 08:26:28 · answer #5 · answered by tenbadthings 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it doesn't really matter now. what's done is done. truth is, you have learned from the experience. you now know what to look out for if you are wanting to start into another relationship. truth is, if someone says they aren't sure about ever disrespecting you, take that as a red flag. this means that possibility lingers in the air. i'm a very cautious and suspicious person and know sometimes it's hard to spot these red flags. if your gut says something, question it till you have the truth. sometimes we must rely on our women's intuition. it's the strongest thing we have.
2006-12-16 08:24:35 · answer #6 · answered by Shakti Svātantrya Isa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hindsight is 20/20, as they say, so YES, you should have. left him then...but the good part is, you HAVE left him now. I'm proud of you for taking a stand. It took me 25 years to take a stand also, but better late than never for both of us. Life will get a lot better real soon......just watch! Good Luck!!
2006-12-16 08:25:45 · answer #7 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your ex was honest with you and you still choose to marry him let the past be the past and move on.
2006-12-16 08:27:14 · answer #8 · answered by its just me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't look back you will be okay. You are not a dog he is. You will be better off. We all learn from our mistakes. You are smart.
2006-12-16 08:26:34 · answer #9 · answered by trueangel121301 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
geesh...don't do that to yourself....you finally left and that's a good thing....make a new life for yourself and don't look back.....you deserve to be happy...good luck to you
2006-12-16 08:21:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋