Am I being unreasonable?

Question

My boyfriend came to me today and said "Oh, hey... I'm going out shopping with Louise on Wednesday. You can come if you want."

I turned to him and asked, "Louise? Why are you going out with Louise?" to which he responded, "Oh, I haven't caught up with her in a while... just thought we'd meet up."

Louise used to be a part of our social group of friends... I never really got along with her and I felt quite hurt and abandoned by some of the things that she did... I lost trust in her and consequently dislike her... I've mentioned this to my boyfriend on numerous occasions and he knows how I feel.

He CONSTANTLY whinges about how much he "hates shopping" with me and whines about it at every attempt...

Am I being unreasonable to be unhappy with with my bf going out shopping (of all things!), or even MEETING UP with a girl that I dislike so much? I haven't said anything, since I don't want to seem unreasonable.

Should I be pissed that he organised to meet up with a girl I hate?

I'd just like to add that I have no qualms with him having female friends... he has many, whom he calls frequently and keeps in contact with... the issue here IS semi-related to the fact that she is female (he has cheated on me TWICE and I took him back) and also because I hate her so much.

I hate VERY FEW people in the world... probably only one or two... it also bothers me, since she was so deattached from us and all of our friends for so long... it's just like "Oh, hey! We haven't spoken to her in ages and I know you hate her guts... but I'm going to spend my one day off of work with her!!"

Grrrrrrr.... writing this makes me even more angry!!

Answer 1

I think you should be pissed, but I really don't know the whole story. If his hanging out with someone makes you uncomfortable, he should stop. You just need to tell him this in a direct way. Don't tell him he is right or wrong, just tell him "It hurts me when you hang out with this girl because..."

He should understand. Just be fair with him and hopefully he will be fair in return.

Answer 2

Hey ! You need a break .

There is a difference between being generous & being slave of your Loved one .

Your Boyfriend definitely doesn't respect your generousity & Sensibility . You are very reasonable as you have already taken him back twice when he cheated you .

1. He doesn't care to hate the one you hate .
2. He cheated you twice ( May be now he has taken you for granted that you'll forgive him everytime he cheats you . May be this is initiation of cheating you 3rd time ! )

Now its showtime. Stand for your Self Respect ,
Don't allow him to erase your morals & existance. It is not being unreasonable.

Sometimes you get more generous for the fear that people may accuse you of being not generous . It is not a true thing .

Just tell your BF that Leave that girl Or Get you @$$ out of here ! I will be no more with you .

If he is not caring about you , he will go away & you'll be saved from a disasterous future with such a dumb .
If this was just a misunderstanding + he loves you truly ,he will come running behind you like a puppy .

Answer 3

Since you've expressed your dislike for Louise on "numerous occasions" to your boyfriend, he should know that Louise is simply not to be a part of your life. If he wants to go out shopping with Louise, there is nothing wrong with that, but he shouldn't make a point of telling this to you, and definitely he shouldn't invite you to go with him on the excursion. Its definitely a problem, though, that he is more than willing to go shopping with Louise and less than thrilled to go shopping with you. That sounds like a lack of desire for commitment with you, and you might want to begin to keep your distance from him accordingly. If he isn't respecting your desires now, he's not going to respect them later either.

Answer 4

Well I'm a firm believer in 'there are two sides to every story.' But since I only have your side, if I were you, I would be furious. If he knows how you feel about this person, he should respect your feelings as his girlfriend. Especially if he hates shopping with you. I dont think you are being unreasonable at all. He is being disprestpectful towards your feelings.

Answer 5

Its natural to feel the way youre feeling, anybody in your situation would be pissed, so dont give yourself a hard time about it. Your boyfriend is being inconsiderate so your not being unreasonable. Youve mentioned how you feel about this girl to him and he should take that into consideration. On the other hand theres truth in the words, if you love someone you set them free and if they really do belong to you then they'll come back to you by themselves. So you gotta let go and leave him do his own thing coz if he try control a person in any way.........well thats a recipe for disaster. Its like when you were a kid and you were told not to go in somewhere or eat certain things. You always went in to that place and you ate those things. I would defo say though that its pretty innocent coz 1)hes been upfront to you about it 2) hes asked you to come along. Everybody needs their own space, its natural. Just coz hes going shopping with this other girl it doesnt mean he doesnt love you. I wouldnt worry about the shopping thing. I mean i know you feel hurt coz he says he doesnt like going shopping normally but here he is going with this other chick????????? But id say shes the one who asked him to go shopping and coz he hadnt seen her in a while he figured why not, once wont kill me. Im pretty sure that if he hadnt seen you in a while and you asked him to go shopping he'd go no bother. Talk to him and let him know that you understand that hes gotta do things with other people besides you and thats ok. But tell him that youre a little hurt over the shopping thing and coz hes going with this other girl. I know its hard, but try be diplomatic about it, its all in the way you say it. Do not be confrontational or give ultimatums. And i think you should let him go on his own, dont go along. Try organise to do something that day with a friend of your own. Good luck

Answer 6

Yes, I do think you are being unreasonable. I think that in a relationship each person should be allowed to have friendships outside of the relationship as long as they are just friendships. You did not say what Louise had done to change your friendship with her but as long as it wasn't anything to do with your boyfriend you should let it go. Or do you not trust your boyfriend?

Answer 7

Probably get rid of him. It sounds like this is a cue to move on.

And in general, I don't really know what a "boyfriend" means anymore. It used to be a more innocent word, but now it commonly refers to a pig that a woman is either having sex with or living with.

Answer 8

I can understand your dislike for this girl, but be sensible and dont create a fuss over your boyfriend going out shoping with this girl. Remember it is you who he loves. Keep aside your dislike for the girl and for the sake of your BF do go along with them.

Answer 9

This is a bad sign.
Before he goes on his shopping date, give him an ultimatum.
If he goes with this girl, then your relationship with him will be over.
If he starts quibbling, saying you're being unreasonable, tell him in no uncertain terms that you require a signal from him that he cares about your feelings.
If he refuses to budge, dump him.

Answer 10

He said that you can go if you want so go with him that way you know what's going on and just play nice for an afternoon maybe you will find she's not as bad as you think