me and my husband of 23 years are interested in swinging......is there a specific web-site for this? and i wrong for asking this? i know my husband feels the same because he talks about it alot.....he want's me too be with another women and, then too participate....but, at the same time, he says he can deal with me being with another man and him. with another women as long as we're in the same room? is this wise? i find it kind of odd,,,,but then again, maybe interesting?????is there any one out there who's done this where it's resulted in good? i'm confused and curious? what's the outcome gonna be? i could be open into trying anything once..........
2006-12-15 20:02:14 · 16 answers · asked by oifgijane 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You know, you need to talk to someone who has done this for years. (Not me, I do not participate in this lifestyle) A lady on Y! answers recently posted a question or two about this. Why don't you e-mail her and politely ask if she would be willing to talk to you about this.
Link to her profile provided.
2006-12-15 20:08:12 · answer #1 · answered by Poppet 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I'll ditto Shem: Congrats on 23 years!! She also made a good point. Swinging is NOT for everyone, and she and her husband were wise to bail out when they did. Sex is just not worth ruining a marriage over! It's precisely why my husband and I ARE open to swinging.
We've been married 12+ years and been involved in the lifestyle for about 4 1/2 - 5 of them. Rough patches? Oh yes, we've had them. Major ones. Were they caused by the lifestyle? Absolutely not. Did the lifestyle cause our problems to come swirling to the top? Oh yeah. Big time. Swinging can be a lot of fun when and if you can do it right, and by "doing it right", I mean can you stay focused on what is most important (your spouse) and put to rest the things that are not (pettiness, jealousy, selfishness, lack of self-control, arrogance, etc)?
Swinging is not about sex. Not really. It's the equivalent of pulling a tiger's teeth. It's not as tough as it seems once you realize it's a paper tiger. Sex - and the body you use to have sex with - belong to you. Okay, okay, they belong to God, but while we're here on Earth, your body has been entrusted to you, and YOU are in charge of IT...not the other way around! Sex might be a strong drive, but it's merely your body doing the talking. Saying that the "temptation was overpowering" is like saying that a 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum is overpowering. For those who don't realize that it is within their power to pick the little squealer up, throw her under your arm football-style and straight-arm your way out of the department store...yeah...she's overpowering. To those who do realize it, they are merely annoyed and embarrassed by the scene she made.
Sorry to go on and on. I think you're at the beginning phases right now, and many couples talk about this fantasy for months - even years! - before they feel ready to think about making it a reality. And some never do. Some realize that they will never truly be ready to take that next step and are perfectly happy keeping it as good "pillow talk". My advice would be to enjoy all stages of this. Learn all you can about it and do not allow yourselves to feel pressured or pushed. It's all about YOU as a couple. That is your #1 priority. Do some more research (see the link below) and some soul searching. Decide what YOU feel is right, what YOU are comfortable with, and go with that. There's no such thing as going too slow, but lots of harm that can be done by going too fast. Be patient and enjoy every bit of the fantasy.
2006-12-16 16:41:39 · answer #2 · answered by intuition897 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi, Just wanted to let you know that when we started swinging about 10 years ago that my husband was the same way. After starting in "The Lifestyle" my husband agreed to go ahead and let me experiment with a man involved. We have grown way beyond that of the jealous stage.. where the man thinks that you might find something that you like better than him... or another man's larger part might arouse you more than he does. Well, after the man figures out that this is all about "Pleasing Each Other" he finds that he wants to give his woman ultimate pleasure and most of all.. trust.
There are many couples who start out like this and some stay in the Soft Swing arena meaning that you do not have sexual intercourse.. basically with the other couple. Also, as long as protection and safety are a prime objective, then honesty and being secure in your relationship will get you through it where it becomes more enjoyable for both.
My husband is very proud that he has grown to trust that he is adequate for me and fullfills every desire. I actually am bi-sexual and do enjoy being with another man occasionally. However, I do not look at guys often like that .. I am into my husband and other girls. We are like the best of friends.. going to the mall pointing out hot chicks. Now, he has grown to say.. " what do you think about that guy? Oh.. the man will still stay very territorial about their "woman" but rest assured that as long as you make him feel comfortable and you are completely honest about your desires and feelings as well then you should do fine. So .. no it is not a "Crime" to think as you do or as he does. It is simply a common first approach at living life to the fullest and fulfilling your soulmates fantasies .. not only fulfill.. but live them together. You will have such naughty memories ;) If you would like to know of a good new swingers personals community to find people like you that are all about letting the girls play.. or finding a single female that wants to play.. then check out one of the smaller yet personal swingers personals sites like swingersetc.com. Where you have more flexibility about the match that you are looking for as you must be very selective and make sure that everyone is on the same page.
2006-12-18 05:22:03 · answer #3 · answered by swingers_clubs 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are married, and marriage is for 2 people. If this is something you both totally agree on, then talk about it a little more. Talk about the "What ifs..." What if it becomes an addiction? What if you fall in love with the other person? What if you can't turn him on anymore? Alot could change between you 2, this could be a big risk.
I have never done anything like that, I would be too freaked out. If you both decide to try this, then there needs to be boundries, rules, and limits. And I think if he is ok with you being with another woman, then he should be ok to be with another man. It does seem like he just wants this for himself. Its a fantasy for him. I'd be careful, you may want to talk to a professional and get some advice.
2006-12-15 20:20:08 · answer #4 · answered by Dee P 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
First of all congrats on being married 23 years! I think at some point everyone becomes curious about swinging and threesomes ect..Sometimes you start to get bored with the sex life, and think of ways to spice it up a bit..My personal opinion is keep it a fantasy, We have tried the threesome, altho it was alot of fun,it caused alot of other problems..Some ways i wish it would have never happened..We worked thru it and happy to say after 17 years of marriage things are better than ever. Would i risk it again? No i wouldn't..I thought our marriage was strong enough to handle it, But it wasn't..Maybe it could now but i wouldn't risk it..
Good Luck
Merry Christmas
2006-12-15 20:50:54 · answer #5 · answered by Shem 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You two must have a very close relationship to be able to discuss such intimate sexuality.
There are sites. And degrees of interaction. You can set the boundaries. You may not want him kissing her. He may not want him to do more than touch you and participate. You can keep it at a minimal level and explore your comfort zones.
Jealosy is going to rear it's head. Know that. Bottom line is when all is said and done ....You guys go home together. I'd keep it out of my house, and make that a private zone.
2006-12-16 01:41:37 · answer #6 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Apparently you don't hold marriage very sacred. Why even be married if you both want to sleep around? It's obvious to me that your not Christians either! Maybe you should consult a minister or go to a marriage counselor. You may both be bored for the time being but I think that you are taking a big risk with your marriage. Do you have children? If so your not only messing with your lives, your messing with there's also. Think about what your doing, ask your self a few moral questions, and I will be praying that you only keep this a fantasy and not a reality.
2006-12-15 21:29:17 · answer #7 · answered by blmarkham 1 · 0⤊ 4⤋
never tried it and never will because I hate the idea of sharing my man and of being with another man other than him.
In any case I have heard of many people that have tried this and the one advise I can give you is that you should be absolutely sure that this is what you want, that you trust each other and you are comfortable with this. many of such experiences can end a relationship so you have to be absolutely sure.
2006-12-15 21:23:45 · answer #8 · answered by Scooby 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A marriage is between 2 people not 4. Do you really want your own husband to be with another woman? It sounds like he just wants an excuse to sleep with another woman, without having to "cheat." I have read once that threesomes, foursomes, etc are lazy ways of spicing up a couple's sex life. I would not suggest doing it, it could create problems in your marriage.
2006-12-15 20:06:02 · answer #9 · answered by His Angel 4 · 0⤊ 4⤋
Been there done that. Jealousy gets in the middle of it. It does suck. One or the other will go behind each others back, and do it with someone else. It does ruin your marriage. ask yourself is 23 yrs really worth giving up?
2006-12-15 21:57:24 · answer #10 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋