I find I have nothing in common with him anymore, other than our almost 22 yr old, college attending child. I am not happy... tired of the emotional abuse... I am very optimistic and just hanging in there... I know that my leaving will devastate him. I took my vows very seriously, and I have so many years invested in this relationship, married 23 yrs, but, together for 29yrs. I wonder if at times I should just hang in there, however I feel I'm the only one trying to salvage this marriage. Doesn't everyone deserve happiness?? I'm not getting any younger, and have been unhappy for several years. What would you do?
2006-12-15 18:38:53 · 12 answers · asked by Julie H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have a good heart to heart talk with him..You most certainly deserve to be happy, Happiness has to come with in you first before you can be happy with anyone else..Alcohol can do alot of damage to a relationship, causes alot of problems..If he recieved help for his alcohol problem would things be better? As you said 23 years is alot of time "Invested" in this relationship..If you can talk to him and hang in there a bit longer, Make sure he knows how you truly feel..Communication is the key, I am sure you know that after 23 years.
Good Luck & Wishing you Happiness
2006-12-15 21:14:45 · answer #1 · answered by Shem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes everyone deserves to be happy! However be prepared even though you want this divorce many people go through a depression over it. Even the person wanting divorce. It's one of the most stressful thing a person goes through.
You should feel guilty about wanting to be happy. However have you tried talking to him. Really talking to him. Tell him what you need and want. If he doesn't even try then you will know that you did your best it's time to get out.
This way your guilt will be less. Because is sounds like your guilt ridden over wanting to be happy and you should not be.
2006-12-16 04:23:28 · answer #2 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't give up yet, I was in a similar situation.
To begin with, there is no such thing as a perfect spouse or perfect person. We are all human being who make mistakes. If you are looking for happiness, seek God and His perfection, do not look for fulfillment in a flawed person.
Second, I would recommend the following books to you, you can check them out at a local library:
Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
Every Woman's Battle by Shannon Ethridge
The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
These books changed my marriage and my life.
I know this isn't something you're going to want to hear, and most people who answer this question are going to tell you to walk, but ask yourself if you love your husband, and if you are willing to change for him. I know it doesn't seem fair, since he is probably the abusive and unloving one, but God has given you this trial and you CAN get through it and be a better person in the end. Please, read the books above and don't give up on your marriage. God hates divorce.
2006-12-16 02:50:26 · answer #3 · answered by Last Ent Wife (RCIA) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that you are unhappy in your marriage. If I were you, I'd also be optimistic but realistic at the same time. By that, I mean, I would explore all avenues to make it work. Have you tried marriage counselling? If despite all your efforts to involve him in the salvage of your marriage, he doesn't want to tow his share of the load, maybe going your own way would be better.
2006-12-16 02:43:27 · answer #4 · answered by Trillian 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your mind is made up. Normally I would'nt suggest divorce, but it sounds like you guys are done. You could either give him an ultamatum to shape up or you're gone or you can just be hoest and tell him you want to be happy and salvage the rest of your life. You sound like a reasonable person though, let righteousness guide you and you''ll be OK.
2006-12-16 02:49:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes in life the only way is through the pain. And you can't be responsible for his feelings.
It is easier eventually to be from a broken marriage than to live in one.
Have you attended any alanon meetings? They saved my life and sanity.
You gave all you could. There is tme to move on.
Be brave. He will hurt no matter what happens.
2006-12-16 02:45:43 · answer #6 · answered by sugarsweetsweetiepie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell this is a real tough situation for you. If you haven't tried marriage counseling and he is willing try that. The problem with an alcoholic is that they need to realize their disease and want to do something to change it(perhaps AA) if he doesn't think he has a problem then you have to do something for your own sanity. You can't change him, cure him, or fix him. You have to do things to help you now. I went to Al-anon, this has helped greatly. It helps you realize what you have suffered with and your choices.
The best of luck and blessings to you in this situation. Do what's best for you, it's not selfish, it's healthy.
2006-12-16 03:01:51 · answer #7 · answered by Cat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Crazy answer but a true one...don't leave him for his best friend in the Navy and get addicted to drugs in Miami and do internet porn with a transvestite. It scarred me for two years! If you leave him then leave and be kind about it no matter how much he verbally attacks you when he's hurting...but don't leave him for any of his friends. He'll get over it and perhaps fix his life or even quit alcohol to one day get you back..you never know.
2006-12-16 02:42:26 · answer #8 · answered by X 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's been crushing you. You deserve better, and yet you settle for him. He has learned to control you, and that's why you've stuck around so long. You've allowed his abuse and bad habits to become you're life. Leave. He's been hurting you, you deserve to hurt him.
2006-12-16 02:45:11 · answer #9 · answered by Howiegirl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I bet if you shared this with him and let him know you mean business things would change.That's what my wife did.
2006-12-16 02:43:59 · answer #10 · answered by don_steele54 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋