how do you cope with death?

Question

I have lost my 22yr old niece on the 14th dec. I`m handleing it very well, My kids won`t talk, we just sit and cry. We know the funeral will be next week, and i want to cancel xmas, but i dont know if i should. my kids are all in there teens, so it just seems pointless to me as i cant face to put the decorations up. i`m confussed and depressed. please help me to cope.

I lost my niece on the 14th dec, in a car accident. I`m not handleing it very well, my kids are in there teens but they wont talk, all we do all day is cry, we know the funeral will be next week, and i cant bring myself to put up the xmas decorations, i just want to cancel xmas altogether. I`m confused agery, and just dont know what to do. we are going to see my folks tomorrow and my sister but i`m worried about what to say.I`m feeling like a zombie, please help me to cope.please.

Answer 1

You have to go on with your lives, as if she was right there with you. That's what she wants, you know that. I would go on with christmas if you can all handle it. Friends and family are good to have around during these times, try to keep yourselves busy and consult a counselor if need be. God bless you and your family, I hope you get through this with a lot of love.

Answer 2

I am so sorry for your loss.
My youngest son died at the age of 21 a couple of years ago. The grief is huge.
Tears are good. Eventually you and your teenage kids will be able to talk. Eventually you can see the memories that mean so much to you.
Don't cancel Christmas. Make it more simple this year. Even if you just put up a tree and lights.....it is a sign that you need to continue to live life. Christmas is the season of joy and hope in a dark world. Tell your kids that your niece would understand the grief you all have, but she also wouldn't want her death to stop your lives or have you finish out your lives in missery. Grief is a natural part of those who are left behind. But life is also meant to go on.

Have Christmas in honor of your niece and her life. No need to do much, but to ignore it.......well then you are letting the loss control you. Your niece wouldn't want that. You don't even need to get presents. You might have a memory night around the tree. Bring out pictures and talk about memories of her. Make it a time of laughter and tears. Make it a memorial for her.

The loss of my son is HUGE. I can't tell you how huge it is. But, I know he would want me to live my life and not let his death destroy me. I never know which holiday will be hard. Some times the preholiday grief is worse than it is on the acctual day.
Last Christmas was difficult, but I cried, and I smiled and I made the best of the day because of the little grandchildren and those who are alive.

One day at a time. You have suffered a huge loss.

You have reason to be confused and depressed. But you also have life and life is for the living.

Your kids are at a hard age to deal with death. Maybe eventually they can get some counseling.

Tell your children that you need the lights that you need to feel some sense of normalicy. Tell them that the tree will be there to honor their cousins life.

Email me if you need to. I understand the overwhelming power of such a loss and this time of year is difficult too.

Answer 3

A difficult question. Firstly, I'd like to present my most sincere condolences. It's so tragic when a young person leaves us in such a way. I honestly don't think anyone can answer your question because in such a situation, we all cope in different ways.
Of course you're crying and depressed, how could you not be?
All I can say is that the pain will go away with time but the memory of your niece will remain. She lives on in your hearts.
Maybe you should go ahead with Xmas and share your most fondest moments with her. It will be far from being the Xmas you had planned but there is nothing like family to keep you going.

Answer 4

You have my best wishes and thoughts. Losing someone is always difficult. You didn't say how but I suspect there was tragedy involved...there usually is for someone so young. The best I can do is some platitudes. Life is a terminal affair, the only real question is when and how it ends. Your niece spent 22 years learning something. You spent the 22 years of her life learning something through her. Thank her for the opportunity to have learned whatever it was you learned. Honor yourself for having had the experience of knowing her. Celebrate her life for the good it did, the learnings that came from it and for whatever she happened to learn during her years on this planet. She will continue to live in your heart and that can be very meaningful to you. Honor yourself for having known her, and for being yourself. Move into acceptance, acceptance of the world and what it provides us. The universe just is, neither fair nor cruel, neither good nor bad...it just is. Death is just as much a part of the universe as is life. Nothing is created or destroyed, only transformed. Her death has not destroyed her energies...they live on in your memories and the memories of those who knew her. Keep her in a special place in your heart and celebrate her life, however it may have been, for she always did the best she could. God bless you.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to heard that. The best thing to do is to cry it out. Don't keep in bottle up inside. Talking about it helps. sure it will hurt but it will make you feel better. You shouldn't cancel Xmas it the holidays to help your family to feel better .
P.S. There always light at the end of the tunnel. hop you feel better.
HAPPY Xmas!!

Answer 6

I am Truly sorry......

I Know this is a hard time, but don't let it ruin your Holiday, I'm sure your niece would not want crush your Christmas spirit, Even in these Sad circumstances. Embrace the ones you love, and have near. Be thankful for what you have here and now, Let Your niece join you forever in your hearts, epically during this time of year. I'm sure she is watching over you, and singing those Christmas songs with you. look hard enough, you will see her laughing with you in full Holiday cheer. She will be with you always...

-Josh

Answer 7

Bless you mate. Ive had to deal with death a few times this year. Not only have i lost three of my clients in a home i work in, but also a good mate of mine back in september. He killed himself, and what made it more hard was NONE of us had any idea how down he was. I think acidents and suicide are the worse ones for those of us left behind.

We are always asking Y? And finding ourselves saying "what if?" Im not going to tell you to just get on with your life as i know myself its not that easy. You need to be there for your kids and family and they need you as much as you need them. The funeral will be your time to say goodbye to her. Its still not easy as she was taken away from you suddenly without any warning. But its important you say your goodbies however you feel you need to do this. It really does help towards your recovery of this.

Death we all seem to think as a time for morning a loved one, but i coped with my mates death by remembering all the fun times we had shared together, the lows and the highs. The silly things that then seemed pointless, but now mean so much. You know what sort of woman she was and how she thought about things and IM SURE she wouldnt want you to cancle Christmas. She would exspect you to be upset and theres CERTAINLY nothing wrong with crying. Let it all out.

Talk togther with your family about her. Allow eachother to cry. If you or someone wants to shout and scream let them, just do it. It really does help mate i promise you. Hold eachother. Look at photos of her, and always remember her. Something we did was to plant a rose bush in his name, so in a small way he still lives on. Maybe this is something you could do for her.

Everyone copes differently to these situations. Some people are strong and some of us are not. But you WILL get therough this and things will start to ease but it all takes time. Share in eachothers thoughts and always be there for eachother.

Peace to you, and even though i dont know you i will think of you and your family. xx

Answer 8

I think christmas should be cancel but it up to you... Last year i had lost my grandfather(mom father) around chinese new year.. my parents said cancel chinese new year but my grandma said no life goes on.But then my grandma older brother past away and my grandma went to see him flying all the way to china.. but then around november i lost my dad mom mygrandma.. and it was around my dad birthday.. my dad said do not buy gifts and do not wanted to celebration.. then few week later my great grand ma past away(my dad grandma) we cancel thanksgiving because it was close to it... so It up to you... Just remember life goes on and you know she is watching thing and she in heavan. I am sorry for your lost... And for some how this year i had miscarriage so the past two year it got me mess up and i was in school at the same time.. so IT really up to you.. if you wanted too.. but it so close.. to christmas.. She would always be miss... Pain would go away.. but you can always talk about the past about how good your niece and remember all the fun stuff....

Answer 9

the two are confusing of their own procedures. observing an intensive one die gradually and slowly is very painful for a protracted time. this is extra painful for the guy and others to be interior the dying mattress or some terminal ailment without wish. this is devastating previous words. yet whilst it somewhat occurs you're emotional exhausted and your grieving is already executed,so which you progression on. whilst an intensive one dies abruptly and unexpectedly this is a ask your self and catches us off look after and it could supply us so plenty extra grief. that's totally no longer difficulty-free on relatives contributors who're based economically. yet you have a tendency to flow on after it sluggish so in that experience this is way less prolonged pain.

Answer 10

Death is as much a part of life as living is.When your born you start to die.There is absolutely nothing man can do to change that , so we must do our best to set an example for those teenagers you have.I believe in God and I hope you do to.He lost a Child to and He really understands what you our all going through right now.So sorry for the loss of your loved one.I pray that she is in heaven with Jesus this Christmas.