Is it at all normal to cry over everything and want what I don't have?

Question

I am normally not a romantic sap, at least not as much as most of the women I know...but I have absolutely NO romance or tenderness in my life. I'm engaged to be married and we have no passion, not at all. I find when I watch sappy movies I want to cry (and do, a little) over what I don't have in my own life. I read books and wish those men in the stories were mine because I don't have a sex life anymore. The spark is just not there anymore. I love my fiance and don't seriously want to find someone else or cheat or anything. To top it all off, we just bought a house together and we pretty much moved across the country. I am lonely beyond belief, both emotionally and physically. I find myself having these harmless but passionate crushes on men I hardly know just to get some passion in my life. Am I pathetic? Please serious, replys or advice only.

Answer 1

I know exactly what you are talking about!! My ex live-in bf was a cardboard cut out. Work-Home-Read the Newspaper-Repeat!
Nothing!! no kisses no hugs no flirtation and no sex!! I wz miserable. And i gained weight! I felt my body was going to waste so i almost destroyed it by eating to fill the luv void.
But I tell you honey...after I left, there IS passion out there!! There are men that luv women!! Luv hugging, kissing, teasing etc!!
I met one guy who held me so tightly when we first met no words nothing just squeezed me so much!! Just appreciating our being together.In the grocery he would sneak little pinches, letting me know what waz next when we got home. And the looks he would give to me...like "get ready" , And his kisses ummmm, he would not stop!!
When someone fills your heart w/ something that you need, then you start to give back what you are receiving!!
I used to do the same thing, cry when i saw movies of happy couples doing what couples do!! It's out there!! You have to have the courage to walk away from this relation & move on to the next one. And you are pathetic loving men who don't even know it...one day you will act on those feelings and be more hurt! I did that too! I fell for my boss only because i wanted the type of relation that he had w/ his wife/family...luckily he was decent enough to let me down w/ respect...

Answer 2

Dear PricklyP. You have some serious issues in your life. It's time to sit down and think through some things. First, think about yourself, only yourself. Are you honoring yourself by what you are doing, by who you are with? You are your own best friend. You are the best one to know what is good for you. Obviously you know what you're doing is not the best you can do. You have had better. So why dishonor yourself with less than you deserve. You deserve the best because you are the best. You ar great and beautiful and wise and everything good and wonderful. And you deserve exactly the same. You have a long time to live so ask how you want to spend that time? Moving to a new place, buying a house...all these are simple things compared to a torn and hurt heart. It doesn't sound as though your heart is feeling good. What will it take to heal your heart. Your pocketbook will take care of itself but your heart is more important. So look at your life and ask if this is how you want to live it? You do have control over how you react...and your current reactions don't sound very good. What can you do to change your reactions, to feel really good about your life...and yourself? Do it. And good luck.

Answer 3

yes you sound like a very sensitive person and that's not a bad thing. and those events that you've been experiencing are very good reasons to feel sad and disturbed. try to look for the brighter side and look for positive events. focus on the good things that have come your way. 16 is a very tough time, i wouldn't be 16 for anything. lots of hormonal things going on too. try to keep busy with what excites you and don't dwell on the bad. sometimes making a list of the "happy" and "sad" might show you that life isn't all that rotten. hang around with happy people and feel the "sunshine" and before you know it your not a teenager any longer. focus on your future. how do you see yourself when your 20, 25, 30 etc?

Answer 4

I am in the exact same position as you. I am married for only a month or so. I loved him. He is a good dad to our kids. We have not so great sex twice a month, we hardly kiss, we never touch each other and I just crave some love & passion. I think that I will just deal with it. I am very very sad though. You aren't alone.

Answer 5

Dear Prickley,

Sad to say that so many men do not have a clue what women want and although they think they are doing their best, many women lead lives of quiet desperation, longing, and loneliness. I grow up with these fairy tale notions and my ex-husband was not romantic at all and not emotional..and this is what I always wanted was sensitivity and romance and emotion and passion to match my own. I was young and foolish.. no romance at all..If he said I love you and I said how much do you love me he would say in this monotone voice "a lot"..It left me cold and longing for that I wanted and couldn't have. I feared maybe no one else will want me and thought he's a decent guy...I will change him...I really thought that in my naivetivity, but alas never marry someone who you do not accept nearly all of who they are as they will likely never change. I was with him 17 years and that one thing which really bothered me before we married ..that which I thought about and worried about came back to haunt me as he only got worse and that flaw got worse...I stayed with a man who had no clue what i needed and soon into the marriage did not care. The tears and pain grew. I was so lonely I cried often...lonliness is an awful thing..it ruins the soul..it wounds..and I feel I wasted the best years of my life,. I was emotionally starving and this workaholic was never there and when there he was emotionally abusive. My morals of till death do us part and for better and worse and it was worse keep me true to my vows of fidelity and my life if not for my kids would have been miserable..I was committed to be miserale till death due to spiritual beliefs that he didn't share when he cheatd on me, gave me STD and left me and married her...breaking my heart further. You vcan not recover tyhose lost years. Even though it is hard to find what we truly want especially nowadays and few get that on screen, ropmance novel kind o relationship..the fact you are feeling like this already shows that you must gain your courage and leave as if this bothers you so now, I guarantee you it will grow to bother you so much more later. You have an out you are not married yet and this will make you much more vulnerable to cheating, it was hard to resist cheating and I feel the majority of women in my place offered opportunities for affection I was denied and offered would have succome to temptation and cheated so do you botha favor and leave in a gentle way. He will be hurt and devastated but better now than later and one must be true to oneself. I am not one to break up love but in your case, you should strongly consider leaving..you may or may not find what you want..you may one day regret leaving him if all you find are jerks, but I guanantee you, whatever lack you are feeling now in 5-7 years of marriage, it will greatly exaccerbate. Good luck!

Answer 6

U are engaged to be married and love ur fiance but there is nospark. My advice to u is first remember always that marriages are made in heaven. Keep always this thing in mind and try to control crushes on men and especially on those u hardley know. Don't jeopardise ur pretty life on these silly men. Go and get married to ur fiance and believe and trust me u'll enjoy sex life and everything with ur husband. Good luck to u and ur fiance.

Answer 7

Oh sweetheart, if you are having these feelings now, do you really want to marry him? It doesn't change a man, trust me. If you have to have crushes on men to have the passion you are lacking, then you need to reevaluate your life, and make some changes.

Answer 8

Want what you have and you'll have what you want my Dear

Answer 9

no