Can men and women be just friends? Cause my boyfriend once said...?

Question

.....that they can't. In his opinion he thought that there is always some sort of sexual attraction on one side or the other. If this is to be taken literally then any male i so happen to befriend either "fancies" me or i "fancy" them. (sound ridiculous yet?) Also the same for himself. Any female he befriends either lusts after him or he is lusting after her! So in conclusion I want your opinion on what I thought was the most ridiculous theory ever when I first heard it. Now you see I fear that his dippy rather endearing little theory has been tossed out the window due to him starting college a while ago-where there are women. Who surprise surprise he talks to. Hell you could even say is friends with. I don't mind crazy half baked theories and opinions but double standards sure as hell p*ss me right off. And I know I am posting this in the philosophy section, you guys give the best answers!!!!!!

Not shocked by my partners opinion, p*ssed right off with double standards. ie is not his opinion any more cause he is in a position where he is making female friends (which by the way in my opinion is normal) yet when it was not the case it wasn't possible to do this without there being sexual chemistry!!

Not bloody insecure now! Nope now he's bloody passed it on to me! Even though I dont think it's got a lot of meaning to it, he still thought it at one point. Is this boiling down to a generalisation in which we generilise "men" as bsing fickle creatures that change with the moods that so take their whimsy?

e.g They do whatever the hell the like. When they like. And How they like?

Answer 1

I have never been attracted to any of my male friends. Some of my male friends have been attracted to me, however, out of the 10 times that has happened to me, I acted upon it once. I once attempted to date a male friend whom I was not attracted to because we got along so well, and that was a disaster. I feel safe around my male friends and they often understand my sarcastic wit, that is why they are my friends and nothing more. Your boyfriend made a generalization when he said that all male/female friendships cannot be platonic and free of feelings. Some people may not be able to handle an opposite gender friendship without involving feelings but that does not mean that all people cannot handle one.
Everyone approaches attraction differently. The timid or the manipulative may try to use friendship as a means for relationship. On the other hand, the straight forward may simply seek relationship.

Answer 2

They can be friends and just friends only.... No doubt. But the problem lies in the basic nature of women and men. All of us will not be the same always. We may change depending on the situations we undergo. Mental conditions we have at that time. The more you gain strength to stand alone, the more there is chance for you to win. Friendship is a sign of weakness. The more weak you are, the more deep the friendship will be.

We all survive because the situation is favourable or it did not go beyond our strength. But this cannot be taken as an assurance for the next moment. We may fail at any time. If the aim of friendship is pure and clear, the chance to survive even hard situations is more. It needs to be same from the side of your friend as well. Men can fail more easily than women. It can be because men think that there is nothing for them to loose.

Answer 3

I think not all of us are hard wired to put our sexual feelings into practise some of us have other feelings which trump sexual feelings or can get off on our own feelings of sexuality without needing to make them actual just accepting and enjoying them for ourselves without fretting about why we are having them. I have both women and men friends who bemoan being led by their genitals.

So I think the answer is it is possible - I know this because being open to the possibility of same sex sexual relationships -I have experienced great platonic friendships from both men and women with attraction but no sexual tension.

I imagine that the people who say it cant be done are hard wired /conditioned for sex.In this social world it is a very
confident man an often woman who would confess to having sex second on their list.

Answer 4

Yes, they can - but it takes work.
There is almost always a sexual tension between a man and a woman but that doesn't mean you have leap into bed with each other.
Two of my dearest friends are women. The thing is that I value their friendship too much to try to take it beyond that. Because, 'if you take a lover, you lose a friend'. (Unless it is your full time partner).
So my attitude is : I may fancy you but I love you too much to want to lose you. That seems to work. The level of desire, if it is acknowledged. diminishes.
As to your boyfriend, the words 'having you cake and eating it spring to mind.' Another phrase you might like to consider would be 'giving him the elbow'. (Not that I would dream of causing any trouble!)
I wish you well and I hope you find your share of happiness.
Jon C

Answer 5

Your boyfriend is right, even the most bland and innocuous "friendship" between a girl and a guy has an undercurrent of sexual-tension. Men and women can never be "just friends" ... either party will always be thinking of sex at some time.

Answer 6

One of my best friends is a woman. She and I have known each other for a decade. We have some shoals to navigate; her boyfriends' suspicions about me, my girlfriends' jaundiced view of her and our time together. Also, when neither of us are seeing anyone, and one or the other of us is feeling particularly vunerable, there has been the danger of crossing the friendship line. We've had to draw boundries and be very strict about maintaining them. However, the benefits of our friendship far outweigh the difficulties we encounter. In short, you're right, men and women can be friends, but your boyfriend is also right, that, most likely, at one time or another, some feelings, some wonderings of "what if..." will crop up. We're humans, however; and therefore not slaves to our feelings or urges.

Answer 7

a wedding ceremony in which the female isn't allowed to have any friends is clearly no longer a healthful one. If I were you, i'd attempt to cajole your chum to interrupt issues off, or a minimum of to get into some type of marriage counseling. Being controlling like that typically ends up in being abusive - your chum will be getting herself into an excellent type of hassle. even even with the truth that she's harm you, i beg you to be a reliable chum and attempt to renounce her from getting harm in the longer time period!

Answer 8

Men and women can most certainly 'just be friends.' Attractions also doesn't have to be sexual. People may be attracted to dogs or cats or a nice, agreeable statue, wallpaper, motiff--or whatever may have you. That doesn' t mean they want to copulate with them!

You are correct to conceive his thoughts as an opinion.

Answer 9

I refuse to reduce all my interactions with others and the world to sexuality. It may be pervasive, for some, ubiquitous, but there's so many potential teleological structures that we could assign to any phenomenon, barring the sexual order. The sexual itself could be material for the intellect, to increase appetite, to commune with the godhead, to punish oneself, to escape-- You could interpret the universe as either benifitting or harming your sleep schedule; and each interpersonal relationship develops in reference to that! our ultimate goal!

There's a panopoly of desires and motivations in the mind, and seuxual reductions fail to account for every action. For example: regarding a man and a woman talking, if I make a joke about someone, it's not funny because it excites our gonads in some way, but that we share a meaningful language and value system.

Answer 10

I think the problem is, you and your boyfriend just define terms differently. To you, just friends probably means you might just barely even notice when it crosses your mind to wonder if your guy just-friend is attractive, or if he'd do you - but you do it all the time, and it means nothing; that's just normal, right? Admit it. But to your boyfriend, thoughts like that are a motivating factor, and they leap to the front of his mind and distract him ... guys focus on those thoughts more, and keep going back to them, and so they notice it's different with their girl friends than with their guy friends, because of it. (Assuming straight people here) So even when he is in reality "just friends" with a girl, by your standards, he wouldn't call it that because it crosses his mind to wonder "what if". But it crosses everyone's mind, and anyone who says otherwise is just frigid. In my humble opinion. I'm female by the way.