Some of you liked and some disliked the last poem I posted. What do you think of this one?

Question

THE ENEMY
BY
ed-mike mertell

I read about them in the newspapers. I saw and heard about them on the radio and T.V.. The Russians; how they wanted to take over the world, how they wanted to destroy my country with nuclear bombs, how they were against freedom, God, and democracy. So, I feared them, and soon I hated them. I knew in my heart it was either them or me. I joined the army, so that one day I might be able to conquer, and or kill the enemy.
Then the wall in Berlin fell, and the Soviet Union disintegrated. I met a Russian in school and I talked to him and him to me. He told me of his life in his distant land. I came to understand that he was just a man. Not all good, but not all bad, he was just a man like me. He loved his God and his family. I realized that this man although from a very different country than me, this Russian was still my brother, not my enemy.
I read about them in the newspapers. I saw and heard about them on the radio and the T.V.. The poor; they were rioting in Las Angeles. They smoked crack and were shiftless and lazy. They robbed good hard working people, and lived off the government for free. So, I feared them, and soon I hated them. I knew in my heart it was either them or me. I bought a gun, so if confronted I could conquer, and or kill the enemy.
Then one day I lost my job, and soon after I lost my car. Waiting for a bus one morning I met a poor man, and I talk to him and him to me. He told me of his life which was filled with mishaps and tragedy. I came to understand that he was just a man. Not all good, but not all bad, he was just a man like me. He loved his God and his family. I realized that this man although far less fortunate than even me, this poor man was still my brother, not my enemy.
I heard a man speak from a soap box in the park. He said, “Don’t believe what you read in the newspapers, or what you see and hear on the radio or T.V.. These things are owned by the rich, and they use them to fool us with lies. They oppress the masses. They live off the sweat of good hard working people, leaving them to live in poverty. They ruin the world with their selfishness and greed. So, I feared them, and soon I hated them. I knew in my heart it was either them or me. I joined a revolutionary movement, so that one day I might conquer and or kill the enemy.
As in every revolutionary movement, we needed a political basis, and a financial on as well. At a fund raiser I met a rich man, and I talked to him and him to me. He told me of his life; of his upward climb, of his hopes and fears, of his pride, and inadequacies. I came to understand that he was just a man. Not all good, but not all bad, he was just a man like me. He loved his God and his family. I realized that this man although far more fortunate than me, this rich man was still my brother, not my enemy.
Now, I no longer believe everything I read in the newspapers, or everything I see and hear on the radio or T.V.. I’m not in the army. I don’t carry a gun. I don’t belong to any revolutionary movements, but I now know the enemy. It’s not the Russians, the poor, or even the rich. It’s inside of you and me. Only understanding and love will ever conquer the fear, and the hate, and finally kill the enemy!

Answer 1

Excellent ... it kept my attention to the end, and that is hard to do.

Something about the "revolutionary movements" section didn't flow right. Might actually be that term, "revolutionary movements" ... it doesn't have a poetic feel. The message is clear, just the word flow isn't in keeping with the rest of the poem

Answer 2

This is not a poem, but a commentary. A poem has verses, rhyme, a point, meter or meaning.

This is a story, a memory or thought, a passage or journal entry.

You might be better suited to write a short story about this.

If you want it to be a "poem" then you should paraphrase the thoughts, shorten the sentences, identify a flow or rhythm to it's content. Contain yourself to a measure.

Excellent content and thought, but not on a poetic level.

Answer 3

wow thats a great poem, hopefully in a little while we'll be able to say that about the middle east. but who know's how long that will take :/ ....probably long enough to force me to go into the army lol

Answer 4

I love this poem...unfortunately, most men will never take the opportunity to speak to other men to see that we are all the same...
HUMAN!!!!

Answer 5

that is more like a short story than a poem!
I couldn't read it all because it is too long.
try something like;

Russians
the enemy in disguise
power
hungry
l o n g i n g
for revenge
watch out! or they will take over..............
.................. and then there will be.........
....no........
more.
!

play around with words and how they sound for effect.
good luck

Answer 6

Does the phrase "Overblown Tripe" have any meaning to you?

Get over yourself and stop inflicting your crappy writing on people.

Answer 7

Well it doesn't have much rhyme or syntax, but it's a nice little fairy tale.

Answer 8

This isn't a poem. It's rambling prose.

Answer 9

u expect someone to READ that?