I have to meet a friend's parents socially?

Question

Cancer killed him, in his early forties. He was a good friend. None of us were in any way prepared for such a loss, because we were informed that he was responding well to treatment.
As a representative of our social group, I have to meet them, and I don't know how to be civil towards them. They emailed our group that he was in remission. Doing fine. Couldn't face visitors this week, but had every hope of surviving the next 5 years. Praised the medical staff. Then they informed us that he'd died overnight, that it was only to be expected, and invited us to his funeral. It wasn't quite the usual closure.

I've known him for 2 years. Two other members have known him for 16 years. We all subscribed to the wonderful idea that he would live beyond a whole year after diagnosis. Four of us are really hurt that we couldn't text or ring him to say goodbye, at least speak to him. Are we being primitive? Were they in denial? One thanked a whole prayer group that he was OK. Right. Why lie?

Answer 1

first off i want to say how sorry i am for your loss. i know how hard it is to loose someone you care about. it is one of the worst feelings to loose someone and not get closure. i know. i still have a hard time dealing with my feelings when i didn't get to say goodbye to my someone. your very angry right now and thats to be expected but also try to show some compassion too. they lost their son and of course they were hoping against hope that he would be alright. parents can become selfish without even relizing it when they are put into a position they thought they would never be in and thats their child dieing before them. pain makes people unpredictable. i know your hurt and angry but try to take it as they probably just weren't thinking straight at the time. i know i wouldn't be. i also know counseling is a good way to deal with your feelings of loss, grief and anger. just having an unbiast ear to listen to you can help sort yourself out and try to come to terms about his parents. i will pray for you and i really hope you will be ok.