My husband and I are about to celebrate our 1st year anniversary and our 6th anniversary since we first started dating. I have been serving in the military and am in the process of getting an honorable discharge. We were so excited and looking forward to going back home to Texas, but we never can seem to stop fighting. He gave up his job and everything to move to Virginia Beach to support me thru the military. He gave his job-his family--and independence all together. He doesn't regret his decision, but he blames me for a lot of it. Now we are preparing to go back to Texas and we are so afraid of financial issues and where to stay. We can't seem to decide on a place to stay, and work looks like it is going to be slow at first. How can we stop worrying and biting each other's head off all 24/7 and enjoy going back home. Thanks to everyone who helps!!!
2006-12-15 14:57:39 · 11 answers · asked by Raven 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First off, congratulations for serving our country, I am a veteran on the Grenada, and Panama invasion with 2 purple hearts, and I an damn proud of it, and so should you.
Second, being a military spouse is very difficult, and I can feel for your husband, because he misses you just as my ex-wife did. Just go slow, and hopefully everything will fall back into place. Me and my ex-wife had the same problems after I came back. Don't let the ex-wife thing scare you, we were still married for 4 years after I fought, and got wounded. Hun, I wish you all the luck in the world, and please remember, be patient, and so should he. he has given up a lot for you and your family. It will work, with love, family, and patience.
2006-12-15 15:09:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Raven: First; thank you for being of service to your country and me. Now; to address the question you posed. Since you never mentioned any children in the picture, this is a real plus. I take it he is still in the military supporting you? Since both of you are heading back to Texas, there is no doubt, that you both will have a tough time earning a decent living. As this will be the case, at least for the time being, you will have to live somewhere, that is inexpensive and within your budget. Part of the process of getting along will be facing up to the fact that you two will have to make some heavy duty sacrifices along the way and do them. A lack of $ will mean you both, having to get jobs and meanwhile, even, training to better yourselves for the future. Don't allow yourself to get pregnant ... this is the last thing you need at the moment ! There are no magic formulae to delve into but doing the right thing ! Lack of $ is one of the 3 main things which can erode a marriage. Either, you both, bite the bullet and do the responsible things or you don't and your marriage will be over - the choice is up to you two. Good luck to you !!!
2006-12-15 15:13:00 · answer #2 · answered by guraqt2me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The transition from military to civilian life has always been a strain on these families. You have been living under a protective umbrella of the government and now you are on your own. It's starting over and it is scary. You say he gve up everything. I am not so sure. He was protected by you and your career and your decisions was he not? He's just scared and anxious now because it is his turn. Plan on it being slow and difficult but if you love one another you will get through it.
2006-12-15 15:05:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey fellow Virginia Beachian!!
He doesn't regret his decision, but he blames you for it? That sounds like he regrets it.
We can relate a bit. I am not from here and was actually on my way back to Oregon when I met my wife. Ultimately, she did not want to leave her family, so we bought a house in Virginia Beach, close to her parents.
We have fought primarily over finances, and the only way that got toned down is when I would fix the problem. Or, if you prefer, did what she wanted me to do. I had to do a lot of compromising, but it only works if I don't hold it against her or "throw it in her face."
When things get tight, tensions rise but we get through it and we are beginning to learn that things always work out. We have to work at it, of course, but they work out.
We have been married for 5 years now, together for 6, and we are committed to each other for the long run, no matter how much she pisses me off-oops! did I say that out loud? I meant, no matter how difficult things get.
Communicate and Love each other. You'll get through it if you want to.
2006-12-15 15:09:08 · answer #4 · answered by Truckin' for a Livin' 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he loves you enoug to sacrifice, you both have to realize what's important and work through the issues. There is a lot going on right now, remember why you fell in love and got married in the first place. Too often we let life get in the way of the importance of our relationships and MONEY is a big stressor in relationships. Remember to start slow and SUPPORT eachother!
2006-12-15 16:29:41 · answer #5 · answered by Dre 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are both in a highly stressful situation. You are ending your military career, moving, looking for work. The whole situation is upsetting, and you both need to make adjustments. Once you make the move, and both of you find work, you should find that life becomes more pleasant, for you both. Both of you should strive to understand, and compromise on as much as you can. Before you say a harsh word, ask yourself is it really that important. If it is then you will fight, if it isn't then listen to his side, and make a rational decision. This is a two way street, so he should be willing to do this as well.
2006-12-15 15:04:18 · answer #6 · answered by Beau R 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
As you have to proceed to Texas you carry on without tormenting yourself. Spend minimum amount and look for a job. Every penny is very important to you until you establish yourself in the new place. Think of the problems later. Tell your husband to do odd jobs and remain were ever he wants to. Your first priority is your job then you can think whether you would like to live with your husband.
2006-12-15 15:30:51 · answer #7 · answered by rams 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For a man to give up everything and move to where a woman is...Well that is unheard of... So you better keep this guy.... Now that being said.... He has done what you wanted to do now it is his turn to deside where to live and go... If it don't work out then you can move to where you want to go...
2006-12-15 15:12:39 · answer #8 · answered by Autumns Destany 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go up to North Dakota. A big oil boom is going on now. Easy way to bring in lots of money for a few years.
2006-12-15 15:18:18 · answer #9 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start working as a team
2006-12-15 14:59:44 · answer #10 · answered by That_ blue_ eyed_ Irish_ lass 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋