I'm married & thinking of "straying"....?

Question

I've been married for 7 years & we have 2 children, however, after an accident that almost killed my husband he has taken on a mean, **** the world, my way or no way attitude. He is very short tempered now and has done some stupid stuff because of it. I am no longer enjoying his company & am only still here until our daughter gets out of school for the summer. I am miserable, have told him this many times, he thinks I'm giving up & all I am trying to do is find happiness. Am I wrong for wanting to leave him just so that I can get my life back together & be happy...for me & the sake of my children? We've tried counseling & that only worked for a month or so. I don't want any more relationships, just happiness. Any advice or comments?

I didn't mean cheating...I meant leaving....

Answer 1

I am sorry for your situation. I know you have tried to be patient with him, but if it just isn't right, then you have to move on.

You sound like a very caring person, and this is such a difficult situation, and a hard decision.

I think you should base the decision on what is best for you and your daughter. I would imagine you want safety for yourself and your daughter, and it is not good to keep her in harms way.

The man who you choose next will be very lucky indeed.

Answer 2

Traumatic events like accidents can cause awful things to happen in our lives. If you have tried counselling and it doesn't work past a month, maybe you could continue to go. Your husband may need his own counselling time to deal with issues of his own. Sounds like he has a lot of anger issues about the accident. We all need happiness and although separation is extremely difficult on children (I know this first hand), the bottom line is that if the people caring for the children...in this case the parents...aren't happy, then the children will suffer anyway. You are no good to anyone if you are miserable. I can't tell you whether or not to leave your husband, but counselling may be worth another try. I know some counsellers believe that this doesn't always resolve the relationship, but rather ends it in a better way with understanding on both sides why the relationship has to end. Also, this will bring you both closure. Something you may need to consider is being pro-active rather than re-active with your children and involve them in some sort of counselling as well. As far as "straying"...my opinion is that would not be a good idea. It will only confuse things in your mind and cause more stress in the household. My suggestion would be to resolve this chapter in your life before starting another book of any kind. Good luck and I hope you find the happiness you are looking for for your whole family.

Answer 3

Listen sweetie. Don't stay in a situation where you are unhappy. Leave. Live your life. Enjoy it. Breathe. You have made it clear to him how you are feeling and he chooses to ignore it. So the best thing for you to do is go your own way.

I think a lot of the time, people stay "because of the children". I say that's all bullshit. What example are you setting for your kids by staying in a situation that isn't healthy for you or them. Kids aren't stupid and they pick up more than adults realize.

Do yourself and your kids a favor...talk to him again. See what happens and if nothing changes then GO!!. You owe it to yourself to happy. Life is too short to be limited by people's selfish actions or what people may say. Live your own life. Your kids may not understand what you do now but when they get older and they see the world and how it can be...they would look to their mommy as a strong individual who wasn't afraid to break away and be free.

Best of wishes to you whatever you decide to do.

Answer 4

What was the accident? Is he permanently injured? Does this injury have anything to do with it?

My first impulse is to tell you ... no, if you think he won't be able to find someone else, stay with him, for a bit, at least. I'm sometimes convinced that loneliness is even worse than unhappiness for some people, and he surely can't put into words, much less understand, why he's acting the way he is. Do think about what he's been through. Put yourself in the same situation. If I was ever in a near-fatal accident, I would be the same way as he, no doubt. Facing death prompts enormous questions and fears and uncertainties and pain.

Yet, he cannot expect you to stay with him when you've told him you're miserable and he refuses to change. This is asking you to condemn yourself knowingly to your own unhappiness (without even the promise of _his_ happiness in exchange).

Answer 5

Hmmm.... it seems that the accident caused your husband to be a different person. This was really unfortunate and it's no wonder it's taken such a toll on your marriage. You married your husband, not this new person he has become. However, if your vows were traditional, you might have promised to support him in "sickness and in health"... and this seems to be a sickness and it also could be permanent. If you were in his shoes, what would you want him to do? Maybe he just needs your support. This might be your "cross to bear".... I'm not suggesting you just deal with it, but to just leave him seems a bit premature. Perhaps you can speak with your husband and tell him how you feel. You never know, maybe he wants out too. That way at least it will be mutual and there will be less feelings hurt.

Answer 6

If he has ever hit you or abused you in any way, or you feel as though you and your children are in danger, then get the hell out of there. No one should feel unsafe in their own home, much less when they've got two other people to take care of and watch out for. It is your responsibility as a mother and a human being to get yourself out and to make sure that your children are safe. I highly suggest that you gradually pack up your belongings and the kids' and give them an approximate day as to when you will be leaving. I think that it would be best to take the children with you when you leave, to help protect them.

My grandmother always says "This, too, shall pass."
Don't worry, things will get better. They may suck at first, but in the long run, everything will work out.

Answer 7

You should do things right before you make a stupid mistake that might reflect negative on you. If your not happy with your husband and tried counseling, then its time to sign the papers. Get everything you need to get done the right way because it will be a much easier process than him finding out what you've been up to. Be smart and plan everything out and don't make random choices. Either way its not like your going to take his cr@p any longer. Think about it, I know you want to be happpy but your kids are watching you and you dont want them to be upset and in the end blame you.

Answer 8

Put yourself in his shoes:

1. You just loose total independence.
2. You just went through a life altering event.
3. You can't do what you used to and overwhelmed with feelings of loss, frustration and loss of esteem.
4. You are under incredible financial strains with doctor bills, loss of wages etc...
5. You have a beautiful spouse you desire to make love to but your body doesn't function.
6. You have beautiful children you can't interact with and enjoy times like you used to...

THEN to top it off,
the love of your life for seven years, the one you sacrificed and struggled with to build a happy home for your children decides they are not strong enough to handle the changes and abusiveness, and ride out the storm so your love one decides to leave you in the WORST TIME of your life, alone, and take away THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO YOU...your children and life mate!!

You would be CRUSHED. Your children would be CRUSHED.

My mother is putting up with a similar situation because my father has cancer and he turns from Jekyll to Hyde in a heartbeat. But she is riding it out.

Please think of it twice with tenderness, empathy and love. Don't take the way he treats you personally. Be strong and realize this. Your marriage vows are for sickness and health. It's not in happiness or else...

Now if it isn't a matter of happiness but of burden, try to find outside help and then if you still feel overburdened than it's your call. Personally, in a situation like this, you if you have an affair, you have to be willing to accept the consequences.

Do you desire to stray to fill emotional reasons or physical reasons or both? Let me tell you, most men that stray with married women are not going to be your crying shoulder. It is purely physical. You will still feel empty.

So whatever you decide to do, you will be o.k. you are doing your best and that is all that matters.

Answer 9

I was in a similiar situation you should get out now before it gets worse and it will. When some adopts that attitude it is only down hill from there. My ex ended up dying only 2 month after our divorce and he killed 2 other people in a terrible accident because of his **** the world attitude. For your children and yourself, get out now

Answer 10

I would get a divorce I think your mind is made up and the longer you stay the longer you will hurt. I would leave on a good basis and stay friends but.. you are not into each other anymore. Do not cheat on him divorce first because that is very wrong no matter how mean he is.