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First of all, I am not getting a divorce so please don't assume I am. I was just talking with my husband the other night and we just couldn't figure it out. I feel it's just a lack of effort. He thinks it's because of infidelity. What do you think?

2006-12-15 13:29:00 · 59 answers · asked by .vato. 6 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

59 answers

From what I've seen and hear, one major cause is money. Luckily, my husband an I fixed that issue several months into marriage but I think a lot of couples fight over money. We have a joint checking account and that takes a lot of work and trust AND discipline. Not everyone can do it but I manage the budget, we both have the discipline not to overspend, and he trusts me so it works.

I think another issue is letting everyone "all up in" the family business. Many of us, women especially, have a habit of telling all our girlfriends (and anyone else who'll listen) what's going on in the relationship. It's good to talk some things though but a lot of issues need to stay between a woman and man. Then we (men and women) start accumulating "friends" that are there "just to listen." (yeah right!) All kinda issues come from that.

My pastor taught us a GREAT lesson in this. He drew a triangle. At the top point was God. On another point was the husband and the other was the wife. These are the only 3 that need to be in the relationship. If you start bringing everyone else is and adding new points, that triangle won't be a triangle anymore and it will all fall apart!

I can go on forever with marriage killers. I thank GOD that we've learned and are learning to work through most of them.

2006-12-15 13:39:05 · answer #1 · answered by Aniyah 2 · 4 1

I think it is both, first infidelity, then lack of effort. In a relationship, you must give 100%. If 100% is not given, then the relationship will surely not last. When a couple is confronted with a problem in the relationship, both parties must compromise in their beliefs to make the relationship work better. Both you and your husband are correct. Money is also a huge problem with marriage.

2006-12-16 13:33:44 · answer #2 · answered by LiSa B 3 · 0 0

"ORGANIZED" Social Pressure on EVERYONE.

This is not the same life and lifestyle that our parents had at the beginning of last Century and before that.

The new Evil System in that USA created for the World; there are ample Organized Plans to make EVERYONE busy with EVERYTHING except with Life. Government, TV, Media, Internet all FORCING people to follow a certain route to make the imperialism happy and rich! Others, haven't even the Freedom and happiness of the SLAVES when slaves had happy family under rule of an oppressive master.

DIVORCE is just one of millions Social Problems that Americans' System have created for American and the World.

THE ONLY WAY is to created a new system to govern our the society in which the "Life" and "Happiness of People" be the main objective for any Government.

2006-12-15 14:20:52 · answer #3 · answered by Iranian Amigo 3 · 0 0

Hi .vato. !!!

No, is not infidelity. ( I'll explain).

Is "IGNORANCE", combine with the poor effort of one, not to be honest with the other!!!!

" IGNORANCE", brings doubt, jealousy, insecurities, lack of self trust or trust on the other person, it brings anger, a sense of not being understood by the love one, ignorance makes one be
"EGOIST".

Also is the source of making one take advantage of the other one. THE IT COMES INFIDELITY!!!! Understand???

If you don't want to be there, EDUCATE YOURSELVES,
you need to learn who you are living with!!! Some times a couple spend most of their live married, have children but they don't know each other!!!!
Oh but they understand and get along better with the secretary or a "friend" eve if they met this person the other day!!!

Getting rid of the "IGNORANCE", will bring down a lot of problems that are going on in this world!!!

GOD BLESS YOU, Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

ALLIV Z

2006-12-15 14:41:46 · answer #4 · answered by Alliv Z 4 · 0 0

Unfortunately, having children can cause problems in a marriage. Couples fight over parenting issues and sometimes can't come to terms over how to discipline or how one should handle situations.

It is the saddest thing too, because the children are the ones who suffer the most. We have a two yr old son, twins on the way and my husband just called me stupid earlier. Just for that, i'm thinking divorce. No way, if i let him get away with that once, he'll never respect me. Anyone want a HOT MILF? J/K. :)

2006-12-15 19:16:08 · answer #5 · answered by K Z G 2 · 0 0

I think one of today's biggest problems is finances. I'm not just talking about people wanting to much that they don't need. Just your everyday bills can be overwhelming. Then if you have children, the expenses of bringing them up and the stress of working and school and sports and other activities come in to play. Sometimes we all get so caught up in how we wish things would be better that we see right past what we already have. Unfortunately, by the time we figure this out...it's too late and we have drifted so far apart in our wants for our children, ourselves and our futures that everything breaks down.

I guess that would make the biggest cause of divorce a breakdown in communication.

2006-12-15 13:35:30 · answer #6 · answered by tmw36 2 · 1 1

I firmly believe that infidelity is the number one reason, i was married for 11 years to my best friend, no drinking or partying, just your typical quiet happy home, in the end out of the blue, i get a call from some lady that says that i just caught your wife sleeping with my husband, my heart was ripped out in an unimaginable way, the pain that followed was indescribable, and still haunts me a year later, i have met this wonderful beautiful lady very attractive and with class, her story was this also similar to my own, her husband left her for someone he worked with as well, in both cases, they cheated with coworkers, and the guy was very overweight ( i workout 5 days a week) and the lady her ex cheated with was nasty as well, again in both cases coworkers that were of the opposite sex that became comfortable over time and looks had nothing and i mean nothing to do with it, it seems that in our discussions and travels we believe that it happens in almost every case with coworkers that you would never expect your spouse to give the time of day to, think hard and im sure that you know some people that has had this happen to them as well, please, please, never cross that line no one wins, 20 minutes isnt worth losing your life over...i hope i made sense c-ya

2006-12-15 13:43:56 · answer #7 · answered by waterboy 4 · 0 1

I would say you are both right !! Some people just seem to have forgotten values along the way these days and it is very sad. I think a little effort goes a long way in keeping happiness in a marriage. Merry Xmas and have a very Happy New Year.

2006-12-15 13:42:32 · answer #8 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0 1

I'm getting divorced....It's because he turned into someone else..not the man I married.

I guess you could say we grew apart.

(but I tried like HEAVEN to make it work)

its not a lack of effort....it's one sided laziness

2006-12-16 02:08:41 · answer #9 · answered by 4 · 0 0

Infidelity

2006-12-15 13:30:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1 4

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