My husband is so imature we have an 11 month old and we are young and have been married about 2 years. He loves to think about himself over me and his child he is a good dad but if he has something to do with friends or something or if he wants to spend money on something stupid he gives me a guilt trip about how he makes all the money. ( I am in school full time) He is 22 and I am 21 Please help me decide what I need to do to make him a better husband and father.
2006-12-15
13:24:35
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16 answers
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asked by
mommy of 2
4
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have told him many times and he changes for a few days and back to the same old thing!!
2006-12-15
13:27:51 ·
update #1
I do not want to get a divorse but it has effected me so much that I am on antidepressants to help with things.
2006-12-15
13:28:57 ·
update #2
I do work about 15 hrs a week to help out we are so strapped on money and extra he get. I think it is not fair but I do get that he is the bread winner of the family.
2006-12-15
13:32:45 ·
update #3
At least tell him when you got married, you made a promise to each other to respect and help each other, ie him making the money while you're in school on the other hand, let him have a little mad money.
Marriage is all about compromise. Trust me on this, I'm 37 and on my second marriage. And if there's one thing I've learned, it's about compromise!! it's all about working together and trying to see things from each others perspective. Try and get him to see yours and try and see his.
good luck.....
2006-12-15 13:30:11
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answer #1
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answered by Kiss My Shaz 7
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Hi babygirl !!!
It is difficult to say, because unless one knows the person, then it will be the advise.
I think that because you are both so young, the situation is worst. But to tell you the truth most men are like that no matter what age they are. So don't feel you are the only one.
They manage to detach themselves, from wife and baby so easily. This is because, while they want to keep the family, they don't really now how to balance the rest, like friends, and entertaintment. Men are afriad of comitment, and they will do things, just because they feel trapped.
Men, sorry to say never grow up. That's why they are so many marital problems. Plus they usually think that because they are the ones that go out to work, they think the wives, staying home don't do nothing!!!!
Anyway, I suggest you both, go to see a marriage counselor.
This thing could get really out of hands if you both don't get the professional help, you need and deserve.
Do it for your baby. Tell him to please, give you and the baby the chance to live in a happy home!!!
I'm pretty sure that you love each other very much. You both have this baby, your not alone any more. He needs to understand that is a matter of compromising. And putting things in order,
First ---(Him, Baby and Wife) "together",
Second--- responsabilyties at home
Third----- friends.
It is so easy. Just try to speak to him about the way you feel, being left out with an 11 months baby!!!! And that is very dangerous not to take care of this situation now that is so early.
There are many places you could go. Ask for professional advice. That's my advise, thsi is to delicate, and you shouln't take any advise, if you don't know who is advising. CAREFUL!!!
Wishing you the best, GOD BLESS YOU
MERRY CHRITSMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR
ALLIV Z
2006-12-15 21:59:42
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answer #2
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answered by Alliv Z 4
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I don't know. My husband does the same thing...well, sometimes he's a sucker for our daughter (7 months). We have been together for 9 years (since I was 17) and married for 2.
Maybe your husband really is immature and needs to grow up.
Are you waiting to find out if he really does grow up? How much longer are you in school for? Is he jealous because you don't work and you just go to school and take care of the baby?
Being a family is a really important top priority. Not only do you have yourself and school to think about...you have a child too. Your husband might also feel like he is missing out because he is working and needs catch up time w/ his friends or a break away from the family too...have you talked to him about it and not fought over the whole topic? GL!
Those are important things to talk about.
2006-12-15 21:31:11
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answer #3
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answered by pinkchicchild 3
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Kids needs come first...period. Yes you both will have to give up a lot, but if you don't now, it will only get harder in the future.
That said, you should make an arrangement with your husband. Allow him one or two nights "off" a week or whatever you can handle and a fixed monthly budget for "fun stuff." The deal is you should get the same amount of free time and money for yourself. Time spent doing homework or chores or taking care of the kid doesn't count as free time.
Happy parents are good parents.
Important: Save, save, save all the money you can right now. Kids get more expensive as they get older.
He is unlikely to respond to pressure from you so he may need to hear it from someone else he respects.
I make all the money in our house and I'm lucky if I get one or two nights of a month.
The good news is that by having children young, they'll be out of the house before you're 40 so you and your husband can still have a life after that.
2006-12-15 21:37:57
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answer #4
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answered by Jimbo 3
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Hmmm... the number one thing you need to remember is that you cannot change anyone. Instead try a different approach. Try making a nice candle light dinner with a glass of wine (wine helps lighten the mood) and tell him how you feel. Always use "I feel" language and try not to accuse him. I have found this to be the most mature way to handle my husband when we have a problem. I have been married for 9 years now and was married at 19, so I sort of know what your going through. Good luck!
2006-12-15 21:32:00
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answer #5
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answered by Sunshine 2
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Try psychology. Tell him how much you and the baby really needs him. An older friend of mine told me that men do this to women because we seem so independent. They figure since we are they will let us be. Start talking with him ahead of time about the bills and things that might be due. He may be immature. But give him a wake up call by letting him know how much easier it would be to remain with you and the baby because if you file for a divorce, he will have to pay child support and possibly spousal support. Have a talk with his parents and see if things change. Try and see if you left to hang out with your friends for maybe thirty minutes and see if he will be responsible then. If so, give him a little of his medicine. I am a strong believer that love covers a multitude. So, still give him love and possible praise him when he does right. For some reason, men like to be praise and it raises their self esteem. Really, and I mean really sit down and explain to him what the future holds for him if he continues to act like this. Never refer to him acting like a child; although, you may feel different.
2006-12-15 22:30:17
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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You need to explain to him that you have a family together to provide for, that you can't be spending money on random things. Its no longer about you and him and his friends...its about your child and the responsibility you guys have ...LIFE. Here you are going to school full time, working, and taking care of your little one...and he's acting like a kid! If his compulsive disorder does not stop I suggest you take charge of the finances and the bills and give him an allowance. Instead of spending on junk you can save that money for slow times...especially having a child.
2006-12-15 21:53:09
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answer #7
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answered by ♪♫♫♪ 5
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Do the same thin u doin now. When he says he makes all ta money tell him "tatz right u do, but i'm in school so when i graduate i can get a good paying job and spend in on my baby instead of some stupid things tat we don't need. We need money to save for ta future. Set an example for ur son and learn how to save ta money for important things." then take ta baby and tell him to think about it.Let him have ta guilt trip instead of u. If he keeps arguing about ta fact just leave wit ur baby 2 a friends house. He'll lose steam witout u and ta baby bein involved. Don't be afraid to. Good luck.
2006-12-15 21:33:02
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answer #8
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answered by JoJo 3
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I think that's wrong, even if he is the sole provider, that's your money as well. Instead of giving you guilt trips, he should encourage you to finish your studies so you too can provide a decent means of income. Talk to your Husband and let him know how this makes you feel because he shouldn't be throwing that at your face. You guys are a team and you need to stick together and encourage one another. Good Luck!!!
2006-12-15 21:32:59
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answer #9
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answered by Yahoo Anwers 5
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Been there done that. Talking to him wont work in most cases. Put your foot down, use your womanly wiles to get him to do what you want. Withhold sex, dont cook for him, and save your money seperately. Or talk about getting a job, if he says why tell him that he makes you feel like you have to in order to have some say so since hes always throwing up in your face that he does it all. If he loves you no way will he let you go to school full time and work.
2006-12-15 21:30:46
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answer #10
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answered by pamela m 1
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