what do u do when your elderly mother emotionally abuses you?

Question

there's nothing i've ever done that's good enough 4 her. all she does is complain. realized that she believes i'm responsible 4 her happiness and she has ruined my entire life.

Answer 1

Well, you don't provide many details, so, all I can suggest is...forbearance and forgiveness.
Everyone is responsible for their own level of happiness, and for what they do with their lives....It's unclear (sorry) -- are you saying that she believes that she has ruined your life, or you believe that her callousness and demands, have ruined your life. I have no idea how old you are, how old she is, other mitigating circumstances etc, etc, etc. Try to recall what good she has done in your life -- what things did she teach you, as you were growing up, that you are grateful for? Did you have a clean home, and good food?
It might be useful to define for yourself (not what someone else thinks "you ought to do..."), what are YOUR wants and needs; what kind of life do YOU want; and what kind of behavior is unacceptable? Then, when she says something unkind, say something like "When you say that, then I think [ ___], and then I feel sad." [that is, if she still has her wits about her]
Try to find something about her which is lovable, and try to think of your hardship, as a labor of love. Perhaps your religious beliefs will help you to "step outside" your own personal situation, and provide some strength. You are obviously a kind and caring person.
And, please also remember, when you get frustrated, and you'll have to trust me on this one, you WILL miss her when she passes on.

Answer 2

nicely whilst human beings attempt to abuse people who're no longer elderly or handicapped, they in many situations get beat up. ordinary, you have a scum bag working in a scientific institution. There are 3 rooms with human beings he has to circulate in and look after. One room has a prior guy or woman, yet another room has a disabled guy or woman, and the 0.33 room have a bodily in wonderful condition guy or woman. Now, if he comes to a decision to abuse that final guy or woman, in spite of if that guy or woman can no longer supply him a physically powerful, sturdy beating suitable then, quickly by using fact the affected person recovers, the scum bag can anticipate a circulate to in the parking zone, and a painful come across with a metallic pipe. Now why is the scum bag working in the scientific institution in the 1st place? Taxes, government over rules, minimum salary standards, have pushed the scientific institution into hiring the main inexpensive exertions accessible, which isn't the terrific. And if the scum bag belongs to a union, you ain't on no account removing him. those ain't the only reasons. and that i do no longer recommend removing all government rules. yet hardship-unfastened experience would not be triumphant. feels like the extra government has gotten in contact, the extra severe the situation has grow to be. That, and previous human beings in simple terms suck.

Answer 3

Don't let it affect you. She might find it less worthwhile if she can't get a reaction out of you.

You also might have a impulse to get defensive around her...try just dismissing what she says (without comments to try to get her back or whatever...).

If you guys do a lot of activities together, maybe you need a bit of a vacation from it all. If she needs help you may want to get a "babysitter" for a bit just to take a break.

I agree with the person a couple answers before me. Definitely don't return her mistreatments with more mistreatment. Since you see how bad it is to treat ppl that way, you certainly shouldn't do it yourself. Continue to model good behavior for her.

Answer 4

If she is REALLY elderly as in the senile kind of elderly, dismiss what she says. She may not be all there anymore.

However, if she is just elderly as in quite a bit older than you and not OLD OLD, maybe just confront her and tell her that what she is saying does not help you or those around her. Tell her that you have feelings as well.

I do not recommend this, but if it were me, and she said i didnt help her be as well off as she is now, i would stop helping as much.

Answer 5

I put up with my angry mother for years. One day I decided I had ENOUGH so I never saw her again. She died alone in a nursing home years later. I did not even attend the funeral. I decided long ago that she was destroying my health. I would never let her do it again.

Sorry mom, but you were a hateful, angry person that did not see good in anyone. I do not know how dad put up with you all those years. He worshiped you, you hated everything about him.

Answer 6

...Then leave her to fend for herself! You don't need that junk! If she doesn't like your help then see how she does without it...Sometimes parents don't realize what they're doing to their children because they expect them to stand by them no matter what...they need a wake up call. You're your own person...don't let parents tell you what do.

Answer 7

id talk to her about it if ur under age she could get arrested if she still abuses u call 1-800-childrenshelpphone. if it keeps happening and ur over age 2 words- MOVE OUT and take ur lil sis or bro with you

Answer 8

Forgive her and try to be there for her and live your own life separate of hers and don't ruin your own life.

Answer 9

Just forgive her. Just imagine her as some funny hag type of person as shown in those hilarious cartoons. x_x

Answer 10

walk away, if she's got a bad hip, she'll never catch you.

In seriousness, if she treats you that badly, then she doesn't deserve your worry over her or influence on your emotions, so just distance yourself from her barbs and stings until they have minimal effect on you, then continue on with life.