how can i get my ex husband to grow up?

Question

i just got divorced about 1 month ago. we have 3 children together and he has a new girlfriend and only seems to care about her now and not his kids. how can i get him to realize what he is missing out on? he use to be a good dad until he started dating her. she has a child and he seems to only care about her kids. my kids are the ones suffering from his actions. he's also not following by the agreement we made when we got divorced. is he in contempt of court then? plus i have still yet to see any money from him. i'll be taking him back to court but that will take a while. what can i do for now. i feel bad for our kids. they deserve a man who loves them.

we have been apart now for almost a year but the divorce took this long. he has been with his girlfriend since we split, that is why we got a divorce. she was suppose to be my best friend.

we have been apart now for almost a year but the divorce took this long. he has been with his girlfriend since we split, that is why we got a divorce. she was suppose to be my best friend.

Answer 1

You can't make him do what you want. If he doesn't care about seeing his kids, then you're going to have to be a single parent. He's a grown man and knows what he's doing. They have you and you have to be there for them.

Answer 2

Unfortunately it is sometimes the poor innocent children who seem to get the real bad deal here. What you need to do is make up for what there father has done and be extra loving and caring. You cannot make him grow up, he has to decide when and if he will ever grow up. If he has breached his court agreement you should take him back to court. Perhaps that will be a wake-up call to remind him that he also has children who love him and need his attention. Do not worry too much about this other woman, the only reason she is getting all of his attention at the moment is because their relationship is only new. It will settle down after awhile and then perhaps your children will get the time with him that they deserve. Also if you are not getting your child support l would suggest you ring the agency and have it taken straight out of his pay. I don't mean to sound nasty but l think you may resent this other woman just a little. I don't know whether the divorce was your ldea or his but l think there may be just a little jealousy there. I do apologise if l am speaking out of turn but l just get a gut feeling about this. I hope everything works out for you and your children. Just be the best mum you can and your children will know that they are very special to you and certainly loved. Best wishes for a very Merry Xmas and a bright and happy New Year.

Answer 3

Remember this my dear: you cannot change a person into what he does not want to be. Your ex now finds all the time in the world to pay to his new lady. That is his choice. The best you can do at this moment is to be a very good friend to the children.
Next, it is way too early to expect him to function as a normal father. He is going through the grieving stages of the divorce. He may take years to become a good father but the best you can do is be a friend to the children.

Answer 4

If the agreement is court-ordered, then yes, he could be in contempt. You should consult a lawyer about that. I understand you feel bad for your kids; it's a mother's nature. You're going to have to fill those shoes that "dad" once had. Be there for them and start planning different family activities to keep them busy and so they know that they do have one parent that they can count on. Don't sit around waiting on your ex to grow up...only he can do that if and when he decides to do so. And don't let your kids sit around waiting on him either. Get them focused on other things.

Answer 5

Well, don't badmouth him to the kids and talk smack. If he keeps being a jerk they will figure it out for themselves and punish him accordingly. Go after him for contempt but don't be a witch. Just get what is legally yours. A lot of times dads don't spend time with their kids because they don't want to deal with psycho mommy. Keep your cool. And once the initial attraction wears off over the new girlfriend things will be better for everyone, unless you get angry and do something to make the situation worse. Kids are tougher than you think.

Answer 6

I'm so sorry you are going through this. How frustrating and sad for you....

Your ex husband will realize those things but probably way too late. The best thing is to rebuild your life with your kids, make sure they know they're loved, and move on.

And if he is like this with you and his own flesh and blood...in a matter of time he'll be like that with her and her kids. It's just new to him, that's all. Until he learns from his mistakes, he's doomed to repeat them.

Answer 7

That is the biggest fallacy in any marriage...A woman/wife cannot and will never "change" a husband....Never! No matter how hard she may try!

Unless He wants to change nothing will happen and the more a wife nags about it the stiffer his neck will get. To get him to change may require you to change yourself...I would bet this is the root of your and his break up...you kept at him to change...the more you did the more he resisted.

Sorry, but I would say your actions and pushing caused him to find another person that accepted him as he is...not as you wanted him to be....I have seen and heard your story hundreds of times...."If only HE had changed...." those are the 5 worst words a woman can use towards a man...they are marriage killers.

Answer 8

there is nothing you can do to change his behavior - you should be focusing on your kids and thier needs because really they are the only ones that matter. he will have to learn all on his own , the sad part is it'll probably be to late to fix so just make sure the kids know they can count on you.

Answer 9

i think you can only be contempt of court while youre in court, but he may be doing something that you could get the court to do something about

Answer 10

small claims court.