How difficult was it to come out with your adult children. Mine is not to happy about my choice. She found out recently. I met a woman I really care about and she cares about me too. But right now my daughter is in the denial stage about this. She loves me still but she said in her own words, And i qoute her " I cannot condone this behavior" So tell me how hard was it for you. (By the way I am 45 and she is 22. She is married with a son.)
2006-12-15 12:02:56 · 9 answers · asked by eca1094 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
It doesn't matter Gay or Straight...
If you do something that is very
different from their perception of
what or who they think you are,
it is a total shock to them.
If it's a death in the family...
if it's a divorce, or new relationship,
if you shave your head and get a tattoo,
anything that is a major change...
it seems to just blow them away.
They want us to accept them totally,
no matter what, but they can't manage the same.
Accepting changes in any ones life take time...lots of time.
All you can do is love them and wait.
"I cannot condone this behavior." "This is part
pain and part control...They want, and may need,
to have things in their control. It will just take time
for them to see, that this is your choice alone.
Your daughter is grown and on her own. She is
also now in the parenting mode, so you need to
expect some parenting and bossing around to come
in your direction. That's not to say you have to accept
her views. You do have your rights.
They will get use to it. They don't have to accept it.
But they do need to respect it. Worry is one thing ,
judgment is another. Try to keep the peace.....
Given enough time and space, she will see that you can
make your own way, and she hers, without conflict.
Good Luck, it's hardest to deal with those we love.
2006-12-15 13:47:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not gay (sorry) but I wanted to answer the question. The deal is you weren't gay at first and now she is a straight married person. It's going to be harder for her to accept, it's like a bad sting. It goes away, but the irritation from the sting lingers long after it's been done. You unveiled something about you that is not normal enough for her to accept. Give her some time. She may learn to just accept that this is you now. You should watch the ending of the movie The Love Letter.
2006-12-15 12:09:01 · answer #2 · answered by Skypride 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 51 and i came out to my son last year, my son is 32 and he told me that he always knew i was gay, he was just surprised that i was telling him. He took it very well but there are things he doesn't want to know about as far as my life goes. I respect the fact that he has to come to terms with it and i don't push anything on him as far as my lifestyle goes. We have a mutual respect for each other and as long as we know each other boundaries we don't have a problem. I've always dressed in men's clothes except when i had to wear a dress for weddings or funerals. Give your daughter time to come to terms with this, and answer any questions she may have in the future. I don't have a partner at the moment, but when i get one my son will decide if he wants to be a part of our lifes. I also have a 10 year old grandson who i suspect know that i'm gay, the conversation haven't come up with him yet but i'm ready to answer any question he has for me when the time comes. Good Luck!
2006-12-15 13:34:40 · answer #3 · answered by ~Twisted Sister~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are her mother and always will be. It is going to be hard. It is sometimes hard for a parnet to accpet their child as gay, and the same is vice versa. If you guys stoped talking, eventually, she would come around I bet. A mother is hard to let go. I would say give her a bit of time. Let her see how much you love your partner. Compare that love to the love she feels for her spouse. Give it time. It is not for her to say, you are her mother. You raised her, clothed her, and love her.
Remember, it is called the denial STAGE for a reason. She cant be in this stage for ever.
P.S. I really want my mom to be a lesbain, dont ask me why, all my silbings do too.
2006-12-15 12:13:23 · answer #4 · answered by quest 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i've got not come out! and that i'm form of scared, yet you recognize, in the event that they love then you definitely you certainly must be wonderful. additionally it particularly is beneficial to verify how they react to specific issues to get a feeling of the consequence, i mean, do they make jaded comments approximately gays? Overly religious? etc. issues like that ought to help you be extra gentle. i do no longer understand, i in simple terms think of you would be able to desire to coach for the worst, it does no longer mean the worst is inevitably going to take place, yet understand that it ought to. If i've got been you i could in all probability tell them with my boyfriend for help, would be slightly frightening the situation. yet i understand multiple people who've very accepting mothers and fathers so it may particularly circulate the two way. I want you the terrific of luck nonetheless, and with a bit of luck i will pluck up the braveness sometime and tell my mothers and fathers too.
2016-10-15 00:54:56 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married a few years ago and she kept denying she was a lesbian when she was sleeping with her lover in our bed while I got kicked to the couch.....that being said...we also had a 12 year old son in the house....now that we are divorced and she kept all that denial...she will not even talk to her own son....he is now 19 and doing great...I think it depends on your relationship.......I never thought theirs would go sour but it did...good luck
2006-12-15 12:08:30 · answer #6 · answered by Monte T 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I imagine it to be the same as a child coming out to a parent.
It just takes time and talks...
If there is a father figure involved he may also want to be talked to and discussed.
Time heals all wounds, don't bring your girlfriend around yet, let everyone settle in. If your daughter and partner haven't met yet, when they do aquaint them in public, less likely for there to be a scene.
2006-12-15 12:53:33 · answer #7 · answered by Word 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you raise her to be intelligent, independent, and happy? Were you a good parent?
If you were, then yeah, it hurts that your kid isn't ok with your choice. But that's also her choice.
But you were a good mom, and you love her. If she's so willing to just ignore what makes you happy....
It's your life, not hers. Do what you want.
2006-12-15 12:15:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry sweetie, you rasied a neo con. :(
She's got to realize you only involved her as a courtesy. Your behaviour is your business, not hers.
How is it that she didn't know all this time?
2006-12-15 12:06:29 · answer #9 · answered by D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋