I am having an affair with a married man, I know its wrong and I never said I would do something like this, but I fell in love and so did he. He loves his wife but he is not in-love with her, he is having a hard time leaving her. He told her he thought of her more like a sister, and wanted to end the marrige and she is hanging in there. Realisticly it seems like men try to make the woman leave by being mean and pushing them away.Why dont they have the balls to leave themselves?
2006-12-15 10:49:59 · 26 answers · asked by Lady 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
because even though women may be better at head games,
they always fall for the "I dont love my wife and we are getting a divorce" line!
2006-12-15 10:56:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You Ought to be ashamed of yourself, really. He is MARRIED! What part of that do you not understand? And he is an adulterer.
Well, that being said, you have to give him an ultimatum, leave by the end of the year. or be left.
And...you must keep your word to yourself.
You knew it was problematic, at best. This man, to me, will NEVER leave the wife, and if he does, the divorce will or could bankrupt him. Is that what you want? Poverty?
The way I see it, he will not want to marry right away, even long after the divorce is finalized. It is absolutely classics, and I had attend several years of divorce support groups.
He is afraid to lose his kids, to get broke, he is afraid of the unknown, of his wife's anger and her getting even with him. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Love or not, there are better matches. Try www.emode.com or eharmony. Even if you leave, read the book How To Be Your Own Best Friend. Also read Re3building ( When YOur Relationship Ends)...You need to get into a group of broken relationships. Try CODA: Codependents Anonymous, a virtually free group
The reality is that passion actually plays a small part of whether or not a relationship can work. Passion alone fades fast.
Best of luck.
2006-12-15 11:10:28 · answer #2 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey there ! Look, we are all human and make mistakes and everyone here sounds harsh, but it's better to get out now before matters complicate further. Can you honestly tell yourself that you feel ok at the end of the night ? Put yourself in his kids shoes, if you knew your dad was messing around with another woman, how would you feel ? How would it be for the kids ? This guy chose his wife to share the rest of his life with. There was something good between them that they need to fix . Give them that chance by leaving this family heal. I am not saying you're the only one to blame, but so is he. Love is selfless, but your actions say otherwise. I don't know what it's like to be in your situation and don't envy you. He's done all this smooth talkling to impress you, make you feel special, where in fact he needs an ego booster, nothing more or less. He is immature and not man enough to deal with his issues with his dear wife and instead made his life miserable and worse. Believe you me, you don't deserve all the complications. This ain't about love, but more like lust and false promises. All the best dear,and hope you will take the advice and not follow your heart. God gave you a mind to think with,and if you think well, it ain't right.
2016-03-13 07:24:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he has a history with her that is longer than his history with you. for every memory he has with you, good or bad, he probably has 5x more with her. it's not easy to just drop and leave someone.
he will be facing shame with his family, her family, and all their mutual friends. and the worst part, is you will be perceived by everyone as the mistress that ruined the marriage.
this is probably a bad idea. a legitimate and respectful man would have divorced his wife, or at least separated and moved out if he truly loved you, or truly did not love his wife. it's not at all about balls; it's about respect. he CLEARLY does not respect you or her enough to make a decision and make the situation easier.
being the mistress, you have no control over the situation except to remove yourself. their marriage is legally binding, and you are just on the outskirts. he has no commitment to you, but many commitments to his wife. a divorce is very sticky and won't happen overnight. he should have already taken the steps if this is what he wants.
all you can do is give him an ultimatum. obviously he won't make a move if he can still sleep in bed with her and uphold the marriage image if you're letting him sleep with you on the side.
respect yourself enough to let him go for a while. just sit him down and tell him that you deserve 100% of him. if he can't give that to you right now, you need your own space. no one will buy the cow if they can buy the milk for free, and honey, you're giving him a free ride on your udders.
you do for yourself what you think you're worth! what are you worth?...
2006-12-15 11:02:30 · answer #4 · answered by Kendra G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow- i mean no disrespect to you but consider long and hard what i'm about to say- my step father was married to my mother 12 years and he was for all intents and purposes my daddy- he left his wife and shortly after married my mother- they weren't having an afair but he was def persuing her- and he was basically cheating on my mom, on us, the whole time- if he'll cheat on her how can you think for a seocnd he won't do it to you. (we didn't know cause we were never given reason to suspect so quiet to anyone who would say we should have... you don't notice signs if you're not looking and you trust which is what marriage should be)
in general terms men have a hard time leaving marriages or anything b/c they are fixers and they feel like they have to mend things.. unless they are cheating in which case as someone already said they want their cake and to be able to eat it too
but good luck and if you do stay together i hope he's not a rat- i bet there is an unmarried guy who would devote all of himself to you though....i'm just saying.
ps i don't mean this to be a judgement on you- life is what it is and you're doing what you need :o)
*jumps off her soap box with a thud*
2006-12-15 11:02:04 · answer #5 · answered by Cassi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If as you say you know it is WRONG then why the hell are you doing it !! I feel nothing but disgust for women such as yourself !! He is as much at fault as you are though and l'm sure he will get his own back for this. All men who cheat will tell you that they are unhappy in their marriage otherwise the stupid women who cheat with them would think they are selfish jerks !! Which they are ofcourse !! Trust me even if he leaves his wife you will never fully have his love and certainly not his respect. How could anyone respect someone like yourself, you obviously don't even respect yourself or you would not be a home wrecker. He will cheat on you also and l don't believe you deserve any better. It will be good for you to know how it feels to be cheated on !! How do you sleep at night ??
2006-12-15 11:44:05 · answer #6 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Men like to have their cake and eat it too. The security of a wife, even if shes like a sister, and the excitement of an affair. He has no reason to leave his wife, and marriage is hard work no matter how you slice it. You should find a man that is willing to commit to you and only you, without a wife.
2006-12-15 10:56:53 · answer #7 · answered by Myscara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a divorced man I can tell you it's not easy figuring it out... just put yourself in the picture... would you leave your love?
But there are MANY people in the world looking for true love...
look back and maybe you'll find someone. I married this girl I liked 15 years ago.
2006-12-15 10:58:03 · answer #8 · answered by SongMaker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is easy if they own property such as a home the run the risk of loosing it ..plus the child support or alimony.. let not forget while they are getting a divorce she could ask for part of his 401k or retirement depending on how long they were married..if they have one car she could ask for that and if she can prove he was unfaithful she gets the kids the house the car in short everything the same goes for a man..but if he can make her unhappy enough to leave him than he stands a chance at keeping some of the things he has work for or that both of them have work for.. i was unhappy in marriage i left with just my daughter and my van i gave my husband the land and all 3 trailers plus both of the other trucks we had and i took a 40% cut in child support just so i could leave
2006-12-15 10:57:27 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are there kids involved? Maybe that's why. As far as having the Balls, well he may just be weak. I mean cheating on your marriage instead of fixing the problem sounds like a weak person if you ask me. May God have mercy on both of you and I pray you two realize how wrong this is and repent. Feelings are not worth eternity not with God.
2006-12-15 11:06:41 · answer #10 · answered by Ferg 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think men don't want to be the typical jerk, who leaves their wife for a mistress. There are other family members who will judge him as well as their friends. I think guys like to play it safe, where they aren't looked down upon.
Plus, there is alimony and child support if there are children involved....that is a pitty, I hate to see any one go through a divorce.
2006-12-15 10:56:24 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋