What do i do about my ex?

Question

He is the father of my daughter but we arent together. We weren't even together at the time she was concieved. it is a long and painful story. but he has told me that he can get custody of her if he tries and i will never see her again. He is in the military and wasnt there at all while i was pregnant. He only saw her once when he was home for Thanksgiving. He doesnt call to ask about her or email or anything. His parents live about 2 miles from me and they never ask either. He says that since Military lawyers and Civilian lawyers are different.... he has a better chance of winning. What should I do? What are the odds she will be taken away? I dont drink. I dont do drugs. She always has enough to eat and all that. I dont hurt her. She is 3 months old. He barely knows her. I have a b/f that loves her like she were his own and he says he will help me raise her. I just need to know how likely it is he'll get her.
oh- he says he isnt threatening me to get her.... its a promise.

my b/f now wants me to move in w/ him so he can help me raise my daughter.... it was a bad situation how she came about between my ex and i. he was mad that i didnt want to be w/ him and he wanted to hurt me and my b/f. yes it was not by consent... but i never called it in or anything. dumb i know. how bad is it going to look if i want to move in w/ my bf? he has a great job and we've worked out all the details so she wont be with a sitter at all but will both be working. my ex lives in NC and we live in NY so i wont have to see him alot. and i wont try to keep my daughter from him. Will they make me send my 3 month old daughter down there to see him??

Answer 1

Don't stress, no one is going to give sole custody to someone who is never there, and travels for long periods of time, unless the other parent has some serious issue. Unless you're in prison, living in a cardboard box or have a untreated mental disorder the most he will get is shared custody.

Military and Civilian lawyers may be different, but the laws are the same - they are going to do what's best for your child.

Answer 2

The first thing you do is go to a lawyer and get some of this on paper signed by a judge. This is a civilian case and military court will not hear it unless the post he's at is right there in your home town. I take it you are not married to him so he did not sign the birth certificate. Paternity has to be prov en after that you can put the expense on him including your lawyers fees. Your boyfriend needs to back way off until this is settled. I'm sure if all you say is the truth you don't have a thing to worry about but get the paper anyway because this an 18 year contract and anything can and will pop up in the future good luck

Answer 3

Since he's in the military, more than likely he will not get your child. If anything he will have to prove you unfit and have his parents get custody(if they fight hard). He cannot take care of the baby because he's in the military and you are with the baby now and have been.
It sounds like he's upset because you're with someone else and just wants to start something. Keep being a good parent and don't give any reason to prove you unfit. Keep all records of his visitations, money he sents(if any), phone calls, etc. and use that against him if he tries to take you to court. If you can, talk to a lawyer and get all the info you can.
good luck and don't worry yourself crazy over this. Just have your man and family by your side and things will be okay.

Answer 4

Once custody is established (by him not trying to obtain custody at birth), the only way he can get custody is by trying to prove you unfit. Then again, if you are living with your boyfriend, the courts look down on this, and feeding her and "not hurting" her is not mother of the year qualifications. Get your sh!t together, set your priorities (daughter not boyfriend) and if you can't afford to provide a home for her by yourself, maybe she would be better off with her father. It's not a contest, think of the best interest of your daughter, then you can go find all the boyfriends you want (obviously they have a <9 month shelf life). If you weren't together at the time she was conceived, she can't be his Einstein. Get a DNA test and then go from there, but still watch your step for her sake.

Answer 5

military lawyers don't have anything to do with civil courts and they don't appear there, so he would need to get a civil lawyer too, like you. It's important you show means of support and a safe loving home. Boyfriend doesn't matter unless he's trouble or lives with you. Show a support network, like grandparents or aunts who help you care for the child. Keep a record of when he comes/calls to see her so you will have specific documentation. Stop smoking if you smoke and certainly don't do drugs or have drug paraphenalia around. Good luck

Answer 6

If reverything you say is true, I think you have a very good chance of keeping custody. He might be able to get visitation or joint custody, but if you are clean and there is no evidence of abuse or neglect, the courts will side with you.

Question: Is he married? What if he gets deployed? Who would care for the child?

You continue to stay clean and be the best mother you can be and you will be ok.

Answer 7

As usual there are two sides to every story. You do know that 1out of every 2 marriages in this country end up in divorce. So the law says HALF in these cases. You both have a right to that child. Like it or not you will be seeing each other every other weekend until that child graduates. You need to decide right now how that is going to be worked out. I know a few sperm donate-rs that have pursued that right as a father. Most don't. Only right in the eyes of the law that he has is half.

Answer 8

seems to me he is just threatening you for some reason-
i highly doubt custody will ever be settled in a military court-
you need to learn the facts of the situation so he can no longer bully you.
seek council so you can shut him up with the truth!!!

Answer 9

shoot him with a 12gage