A wait,
and wait,
another week passes by.
My hope of him asking me out is thin.
Popular girls crowed him,
jocks hussel over.
Only get to talk to him 6th and 8th hour.
He is quiet funny,
how he makes me laugh.
Trying to make freethrows in the garbage can.
Raping isn't his strong suit,
Singing isn't either.
Sometimes I think he's trying to impress me,
or just being himself or neither.
Just talking to him makes my day,
If only we were more than "buddies"
and he would think of me as more than a friend,
my days wouldn't be so gloomy,
If he would just say it.
Would you go out with me?
2006-12-15 10:22:26 · 12 answers · asked by Peaches : ) 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
It's cute I think you spelled a couple words wrong though like Crowed isn't it supposed to be crowded?
2006-12-15 10:32:27 · answer #1 · answered by Sippy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too rambling...it is stream-of-consciousness writing, something a 14-yr old girl would like. Is that you? That line about raping is a misspelling (rapping) that ruins the flow.If you think through what you really want to say about him and your feelings, leave out the extra words (say "my hope is thin) and the meaning is the same, but more precise...You can improve on this-you have a strong basis.
2006-12-15 10:48:32 · answer #2 · answered by Sweet Old Lady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I gained't evaluate to a novel human being although the narcissist psychological kinds are what somewhat concerns me because they DO have extreme intelligence and function the degrees to tutor it yet one way or the different they deal with to by no skill learn from absolutely everyone. And myself? i'm not bragging when I inform you I had the intelligence quotient to positioned me of their ranks- yet too good were the forces of destiny that took me faraway from larger getting to comprehend even as i replaced into youthful,and as a replace I stepped ahead social and emotional intelligence. Now i'm in college with 20 somethings at 40 5 and my grades popular a three.6 so a techniques. not the rankings of a genius, yet i do not CARE as i ought to once have. My study are for a Psychology degree and that i'm focusing on PTSD, likely i am going to artwork for the VA. and that i'd be there to assist. and that i make blunders in my writing, i'm awful at meter, I ignore typos- although that is okay by way of the undeniable fact that has no concerning my purpose- the affection of poetry in each and every structure and style and potential element, interpreting besides as writing. i'm prepared on your poem-tale, I appreciate this style of poem and how you broke it into stanzas is rare and hence exciting. thanks pal.
2016-11-30 20:03:59 · answer #3 · answered by papen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's Okay. Some of it is a little off. I think that you should talk to this guy! Tell him that you like him. What is the worst that could happen? He will say that he likes you to or he will say that he doesn't. Then you don't have to keep thinking about someone that you won't be with. Just tell him, its the best thing you can do!
2006-12-15 10:28:19 · answer #4 · answered by Destiny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its pretty good. Definatly needs some revision to make it flow more. But I really like your idea of the poem. And I can totally relate. Nice job!
2006-12-15 10:50:25 · answer #5 · answered by Kelly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally love it. It kind of relates to me in a way. I bet it related to you too. I think it's totally cool.
2006-12-15 10:26:53 · answer #6 · answered by caligirli21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not expert but I think that it has room for improment.
It is okay....
2006-12-15 13:05:17 · answer #7 · answered by no ar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its OK, But I'm no expert
2006-12-15 11:40:59 · answer #8 · answered by Heath 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It brought tears to my eyes.
2006-12-15 10:26:09 · answer #9 · answered by stone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG, did you make that yuorself? tht is really good. ^_^
2006-12-15 10:30:29 · answer #10 · answered by The "Dony" 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋