How do you deal with racism in an interracial relationship?

Question

Alright, I'll give a brief backround story to accompany the question. My girlfriend and I have been dating for approximately a year now (full year on the 16th) and with myself being a white male and her being an asian female, we've encountered some... let us say, "less than friendly" responses to that fact. And it pains me to have to see and hear this happening to her and us. It hurts so much to see her so sad from the stupid, racist remarks that are heard, and I wish I could find a way to take away her pain, but I can't. And it hurts me as well to know that we're being discrimintated against because of our different races. I'm not leaving my girlfriend because I love her, no matter how bad it gets, because she is the most beautiful person (physically and otherwise) I've ever known. And thats why I've asked the question: I would like suggestions on how to deal with this better... if you would please help.

Answer 1

Coming from a person in an interracial marriage I would say, put on your blinders.
Sadly, the racial remarks will keep coming. If you two are in love, try your hardest to ignore the hurtful and ignorant remarks, and build your relationship.
But be sure to communicate to her that you DO hear the remarks, that they DO bother you, and that you DO care that they bother her, so she knows that you will deal with it head-on if anyone ever takes the remarks too far.
True love sees no color....

Answer 2

All I can suggest is just let her know that you and hopefully your family and friends don't have feelings against your relationship. I personally would not have a problem with it and I don't know anybody that would. But there are always gonna be petty people. That is never going to change. If you love each other, that is the important thing. Focus on the good. The beautiful life you will have together and the beautiful kids you may one day have.

Answer 3

My husband and I have gone though ths as well (he's White). Luckily for us, we are both pretty thick-skinned. That's something you're going to have to develop if you want to stay together. It helps that we now live in a more diverse area (we lived in Missisppi for a while). At first it was hard to deal with but after getting away from those situations we realized that it didn't matter what other people think or say. People have their own opinions and some are not afraid to share them with you. The best thing is to ignore it, enjoy each other, and enjoy the people (family and friends) who accept you.

Answer 4

Honestly...you can't stop the discrimmination because you can't eliminate stupid, ignorant people from earth. but you can change the way you handle it. I have two suggestions. One: talk to your girlfriend about it honestly. tell her you know the looks and comments hurt her and they hurt you too. make a pact to not let it bother you anymore since the comments and looks come from obvious buffoons and smart people like you two don't care what morons think. (easier said than done, I know) Two: call people on it. seriously. next time someone walks by and makes a sideways comment, stop and say "excuse me? what did you say? I didn't quite get that?" or the next time you get a look or a snicker say something like " I wouldn't stare at us if I looked like you, mate, you've got loads of problems on your own. see a mirror lately?" just cut people off at the knees. even if it doesn't stop, you will feel a hell of a lot better, i'll bet!!!! :)

Answer 5

Neither of you should let things like that get to you. Just make sure she knows you love her how she is and maybe you could talk to anyone saying the rude remarks. I know how this goes, trust me, my boyfriend is caucasian and I'm mexican and I've gotten my share of remarks about "skipping the border" or what-not. It mostly doesn't get to me though partly because my boyfriend stands up for us, and also because I know that theirs no importance to what color of skin we have... we're still all the same no matter what people say. You can't change what people say about you... you could try confronting them but there still is going to be people out there who will say something.. you just have to realize their wrong and move on.

Answer 6

No matter how much race is discussed in any form, some people are just going to be too blind sided to accept the fact that there is more than one race, and noone is superior. The best thing to do is know yourself, know that you aren't a race discriminator and you cherish friends, and women for who they are and not their race, or what they believe in. I'm black and christian and my boyfriend is Indian and muslim. We get those stares but we don't care! I've dated other men of different races, not because of their race, but because we had chemistry!





Krazy Libra

Answer 7

My sister is Asian, and my brother-in-law is Sri Lankan, and they don't really hear anything racist... well, not that I know of. I believe it's more of the setting and community you live in. If you live in Hickville, well, there you go. The best you can do is tell the offender how rude they are and to f*ck off and/or ignore them. *shrugs* Otherwise, move to a more diverse and open-minded state like Cali, New York, etc.

Answer 8

Maybee you both should try professional realationship counseling. Because (not to judge her) but she sounds like she has some issuses to work through from the fact that she is letting the ignorance of total strangers come between her and a man that truly loves her. I wish you all the best.

Answer 9

I don't think i've ever heard many remarks regarding Asians dating whites... but I sure know i've gotten my fair share of racist remarks because im a white guy dating a beautiful black woman.

Just ignore them... why let them get to you. I loved walking hand in hand with my woman and having people stare and say things to us...

Answer 10

I am sorry to see that you have to go through this. My brother and his gf goes through the same thing a black male with a white female and I guess it didn't help that they had a baby together. Anyway she gets really hurt about how ppl react to her and my brother and the baby but what I try to remind her is that, it's their ignorance and really what can you do but smile and let them know that no matter what your love will shine through. Ppl like that are conquerred by you ignoring them and loving each other. So let YOUR LOVE SHINE THROUGH!!