My bestfriend of 14 yrs has never been with a man sexually. (she's 24.) She has never been with a woman either. She was molested repeatedly by a family "friend" when she was 9, and has been scared of sex ever since. About 2 hrs ago she asked me (thru a text message) if i would help her get a little more comfortable sexually. I told her i would call her later to talk 2 her about it. What do u think she means?? I've never even looked at her that way! Yes, i am a lesbian but she's my bestfriend and i would never ruin our friendshp with sex. Is the fact that she's never attempted to be sexual & now wants to try 1st with a woman, is this is a side effect from her molestation?
2006-12-15 08:56:20 · 11 answers · asked by Raynebow_Diva 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Well, it is possible it's related.
I honestly doubt she'll suddenly jump you if she's never been close to someone. Take it easy, calm, and explain bits of it to her.
First point should be along the lines of "You should want it with the person, not want it in general" once she's ready to even actually consider the concept.
I really can't lay out what to do as your best friend, but I've been doing similar(though not nearly as severe) with a friend of mine who I struck up a relationship with. But it's going along because we struck up a relationship, not because she asked.
If you're interested in a relationship, be sure to express that, and suggest a more natural progression, but be ready to have a long wait for anything. If you aren't, it depends on what you're willing to do. If you decide to take it the full distance, be sure to tell her it's purely to comfort her, if not explain to her your reasons but always offer some kind of comfort if she was willing to come to you with something like this.
A talk, a bit of closeness, or what ever you feel you're capable of, she came to you with something very important, she deserves something in return. She means she wants some help, but is still to afraid to be overly direct about it, which gives you some leway in what she gets.
It could have been caused by the molestation, but it's hard to really tell just by this. The only point on that i would suggest is, never let her force herself to do something about it, no matter what she does she'll regret it more than giving herself time to be comfortable with it.
I may be a guy, but I do hope the best for her. Sex can be a great thing, but forcing yourself can cause a lot of problems.
2006-12-15 09:16:00 · answer #1 · answered by distind 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two need to have a serious, in depth talk about what's going on. Counseling would be a good idea to help her out most likely. As for the reason she picked you and now, I don't have all the facts so I'm "grasping at straws here." She may be wanting to work on getting past what happened so that she can move on with her life. She's picking someone that she's comfortable with to help her overcome her issues. Counseling would probably be a good idea first, but if you and her decide not to seek counseling first, watch her every move and every word for any signs of poor mental health and seek help immediately. Also, talking to her is VERY important to find out what exactly is going on so that you can do what is best for her.
2006-12-16 18:32:55 · answer #2 · answered by carora13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it is to say it ... Yes it is an effect that she wants her first to be a woman, probably because shes afraid of men. Not a healthy situation. If you are her friend try to get her to go with a nice guy first and if after if they do have sex see how she feels and if she prefers women, then be a friend and help her out by being gentle with her and give her the sexual encounter with another woman.
2006-12-15 21:46:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It maybe that she might be interested in you, or women in general. But it may also be that because you are best friends, that she trusts you. Since she was molested and she is afraid of sex, as you said, it would help to start with someone close to you that you can trust and know that wouldn't hurt you. Maybe just talk to her and tell her how you feel but that you will help her mentally
2006-12-15 10:14:30 · answer #4 · answered by Tiffany 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend has serious issues she needs to work thru. Becoming sexual with anyone should be the last thing on her mind. Went thru something similar myself and found that trying to find love elsewhere before I learned to love myself was a fruitless journey. PLEASE help her contact a counselor. If you are in college, the medical center can help. If not, there are many organizations who can help. try the Rape Abuse National Center at http://www.rainn.org/counseling-centers/index.html. They have a hotline that can help! 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) Counseling works! It for me! Good Luck!
2006-12-15 09:11:08 · answer #5 · answered by divagirlie217 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Youhave no idea what she means - go and talk to her. IF she is talking about something physical tell her to continue to think it over, for a night or two after the twoof you talk. Tonight youneed to show her that people can be 'close' and 'intimate' without taking things too far. Tonight be there for her emotionally not physically.
2006-12-15 09:10:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes thats the reason, i was molested but i became a bleedin sex addict, i would fantasize about the Cuban that raped me trying to find him in every guy i met
2006-12-15 09:57:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
She needs therapy desperately.
Not sex.
2006-12-15 09:20:18 · answer #8 · answered by BiyGuy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
could be go at her pace maybe she's trying to come out of her shell
2006-12-15 15:30:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I WAS MOLEST WHEN I WAS 10YO BY A BABYSITER AND LOVE IT ALOT SHE WAS 15YO GIRL ME AND MY SITER WAS DONE MY HER WE HAD A 3 SOME DID NOT HURT ME OR MY SISTER AT ALL
2006-12-15 16:34:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋