Just want an opinion on this, not saying I did write this but be honest please bty its kinda dark..if ya know.

Question

Lost in a haze of my own despair I reach out for a hand to save me from myself,
Save me from the harsh reality of the grim future and the desolate past,
There is no light in my life of dark dismay only blackness covering a lost desperate soul,
Falling with no end in sight it seems to be infinite to the dimness or its conclusion,
Perpetual cries for the unbalance to cease go eternally with no response,
The cold and dark embraces me so and holds me diverse to the amenity and light which has caste me out,
my journey has transpired and I let go without desperation,
for the hand I desire and reach for was never there……….

Answer 1

As a poem I like it. it's got great word usage. However its lacking a real flow, a fluid way of reading. The last 4 lines seem to go on. Also the last line--the hand was never there. It doesnt seem to have the finality of an ending. I know many poets use the ... ending as a way to symbolize that its not really at an end--but I've never been fond of it. There is no light, just haze. I have this great visual that was abandoned for cast out journeys. I needed a finality where the narrator is lost forever, sinks into black abyss--instead of letting go of what never was. Did he really "let go" then?

Answer 2

stop self pitying yourself and set the goals you want to reach in your life. now its the time to do it. if you really feel the way you wrote, your road leads only upwards, so cheer up and start a life (get a girlfriend and make her happy!)