I have recently befriended a guy who says he is gay. and every time he meets a guy whom he likes i do the interested annoying friend thing and try to get him to pursue it further. but what he says is that he would never get involved in a committed gay relationship because, although he is gay, he plans to get married to a woman some day. he says he's not bisexual. he's just gay now, but will leave that behind as he gets older.
it's not like he's an insecure guy, quite the opposite. and all of his friends and family are very accepting of his sexuality. to everyone involved it's not an issue.
i have other very close gay friends and i know that they would probably choose the easy life of a heterosexual relationship and conventional family unit if they could, but they can't because that would be going against everything they are and feel.
even though it's none of my business really, i would really like to understand his situation more (if anyone could shed some light...?)
2006-12-15 07:55:42 · 16 answers · asked by spiralling 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Your friend is a moron, and you're a moron for loving him. Moron.
2006-12-15 07:58:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like to me he's in denial & actually thinks he will "OUTGROW" being gay. How could he possibly think of having a so-called normal marriage with a woman & possibly even have children knowing that he's gay? I don't even see how he would be able to have sex with someone that he has NO attraction for. I personally think if he goes thru with this that he's only kidding himself. He would most likely sometime into the marriage go back to being with other gay men & then if he hasn't told his wife upfront about his past sexual encounters, she's going to be torn apart as well as the children when they all of a sudden find out he has a boyfriend or aquaintance. It's his personal choice to marry or not marry a woman, but I would hope that he would at least tell her about his past gay life so she's not floored when he starts to sleep with men again. I don't know. I'm not him...maybe he could pull this off, but why? If men make him happy, why be miserable with a woman? He needs to reevaluate his way of thinking.
2006-12-15 08:01:52 · answer #2 · answered by Jaysangl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there's one thing I hate about gay men is that they deny it all their lives then wreck some poor woman's life after 20 years of being married to her. He moves on ans she is left wondering the rest of her life how she never saw it and never trusts men again. I read this in a magazine and felt so sorry for the woman.
Don't let him do that. Get him to accept it now or atleast make sure when he does get married his wife knows something about the gay thing so it doesn't come out of the blue.
2006-12-15 08:58:07 · answer #3 · answered by The Face 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he's gay and not bi-sexual and he's planning on marrying a woman, he's heading for a train wreck. Marriages barely survive when two people love each other. A loveless marriage probably won't get past year 2, but only after ruining some girl's life.
2006-12-15 07:57:57 · answer #4 · answered by BiBJ 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you're right in that there are issues. He states he's not bisexual, but is gay NOW(?) and will be straight later and marry a woman. I could buy it if he were bisexual, but as that doesn't seem to be the case, I say he's got issues regarding accepting his sexuality.
2006-12-15 07:59:51 · answer #5 · answered by JW 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right in wondering how he thinks he just might 'outgrow' being gay. Sounds to me that he is still not sure of his sexuality himself despite coming out to friends and family.
He has some tough times ahead until he can sort this out.
2006-12-15 08:01:27 · answer #6 · answered by digitsis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Denial is not only a river flowing though Egypt!
Charles "That Cheeky Lad"
A Wickedly Happy Christmas to all!
2006-12-15 23:55:54 · answer #7 · answered by Charles-CeeJay_UK_ USA/CheekyLad 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's a fraud. He intends to marry a woman to keep up appearances, and that sucks. He's not bi - as he isn't attracted to women. He is gay though. And a coward! I hate gay men who marry for looks sake. Very shallow and weak.
2006-12-15 07:58:37 · answer #8 · answered by nottashygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd say he actually is gay if his only attraction seems to be men. but he probably says he's bi in order to do what he says he wants, get wife and have a family.
as he ages, he'll probably either realise he's gay, or end up marrying a woman he feels no sexual attraction to as a kind of "cover," i guess you could say, to hide his homosexuality.
2006-12-15 07:58:47 · answer #9 · answered by Kay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you seen brokeback mountain?
I think it's a pipe dream. He want's to lead a "normal" life with a wife, but if he can find a wife who can put up with his lack of sexual interest in her, I'd be surprised.
2006-12-18 03:49:15 · answer #10 · answered by helen g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for him. He will not only screw up his life but some nice ladies also. He needs to be honest with himself and do what is right.
2006-12-15 08:01:54 · answer #11 · answered by Tegarst 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋