My wife wants to date other men. We're moving into a new place, but she also mentioned getting a divorce?

Question

She said that she has never had the opportunity to meet other guys before we met (we were young). She feels she might be missing out on something. A couple nights ago she said she was so sorry, but wants to go ahead with a divorce. Neither of us make enough money to support ourselves seperately, and we have no other marital problems. I was able to talk with her later, and offer that we still move in together, but give her the opportunity to date other men. She agreed, since she feels that dating other men might end up being a mistake. I'm hanging on by a thread of hope. I'm confident that she will not meet someone as good as me (I'm a perfect partner for her, with very few flaws). Although, there's a chance she might find someone special that she won't be able to leave. I know she wants to "meet" other guys, but told me she could not live with herself if she had sex with anyone other than me. I'm going to ask her to go to conselling with me before she "explores". Feedback, please?

Answer 1

wow, well first of all, i think she should make a decision about the marriage, and go to counseling, before she starts dating anyone else,,,,, why, as a grown woman, would she want to date them and not have sex with them? it sounds like she doesnt love you,,, as if she did, she would not put you threw this, and it wouldnt matter how many men she had not dated, if you were good to her....... i think you can find a way to live on your own,,,,, and perhaps that is what you both need,, either do the counseling first,,,, then if decided separate,,,, and let you both explore others,,, or else separate now then do the counseling,,,,,you should expect the same respect and love from her that you give to her, if she is not able to give that,, then accept it, but dont put up with it on a daily basis by living with her,,,,,,,,,

Answer 2

Wow man, I have some advice for you but I don't think it's going to be what you want to hear, although it will be EXACTLY what you NEED to hear!

First of all, I'm sorry this is happening to you and you will get through it and move on! My advice is that you don not move in with her. If you had to see her leaving with some other guy from the same house it will make you crazy and drive you nuts in the long run. If she is willing to do this and have you living there and have to go through this, she doesn't care about you as much as she should.

Women and men can be very selfish, she should have thought of these things before she said, "Yes". From my experience, Bro, a women will do anything you give her the options of doing regardless of how much walking over you it takes to get it done. Don't give her the rope to hang you.

Have some repsect for yourself and give her the divorce, and tell her you hope she finds what she's looking for. She won't, and then she will come crawling back, but you need to move on man, it will never work between you now if she is even willing to consider doing this.

Suck it up, mourn her a bit, then move on and things will get better a little at a time! Trust Me! Best of luck!

Answer 3

Buddy you may have just answered this one yourself.

I agree counseling is a good option, but truly, you know what's wrong. You got hitched too early and she wants to know now if you are really the right guy. Clearly she has doubts because as you say, "you are the perfect guy" for her. If that was true, then she would not be going looking. She may well realize that you are better than any other guy she is looking into, but at that point when she comes back, you are going to KNOW that she was out messing around. Can you live with that. You should tell her you are going looking too. Do NOT move in with this girl and seriously consider that divorce. Just make sure you get it all worked out so you don't get screwed completely.

My guess, as painful as it sounds, is that she had another guy in mind when she said she wanted to date other guys. Don't give her the upper hand. She knows she's acting like a tramp, make sure she knows that without you being antagonistic or crass.

Answer 4

Please understand I am not being judgemental at all. I feel bad for both of you! Mostly for you, but I do feel bad for her too.
My first instinct was to tell you to just let her divorce you and let her see what it's really like out there. If this truely is her only reason, then she is being selfish. If you have any respect for yourself at all, letting her date other men is just out of the question. You may think you will be alright with it, but when it actually starts happening, it will tear you apart inside. I do, however, agree that counselling is the best idea. You do owe it to your mirrage to work at this.
Just don't go for dating other people. No matter what the reason is for wanting to date, when the two of you got married, you made a vow to each other forsaking all others. If she wanted to date more, that would have been the time to do it (before you got married). It is completely unfair to you for her to do this. It is selfish. She needs to work through this and turn toward you in the hard times instead of turning away from you. I hope I have made this point clear enough. As far as being able to afford to live seperately, you will find a way if it comes to that. Believe me, there is a way. We all have fears, I have struggled with that thought myself with my husband. But I happened to come across this book about starting over after death or divorce of a spouse. The jist of it said that the fear of the details of the seperation are the worst part. You managed to live without each other before and you will do it again. So long as you have no kids, you can get a fairly cheap divorce. It does get a lot more expensive when kids are a factor because it almost always becomes a contested divorce in that case. Don't worry about material things, just don' t allow your self estem or self respect to become damaged by going along with something that you know is wrong. You will get by. You have family and friends and you would be so surprised what you are capable of when push comes to shove. There are services out there as well for low income people. You can do this! Don't let the fear of the unknown dictate your actions. Be in control of your actions. I'm not telling you to be mean to her, I am actually sympathetic to her as well, but just don't allow anyone to take advantage of you. Live with love and peace in your heart. That will take you further than any amount of money!

Answer 5

The circumstances don't matter one bit. Bad sex, money problems, boredom, cheating, race, religion, not in love anymore, etc., etc., these are just excuses, they are not the problem marriage is. Welcome to marriage hell and reality. Once you both said "I do" your loving relationship was over. Some people realize this in weeks and get divorced other people lie to themselves for years!!! Well SHE just realized it. Marriage destroys even soul mates. Take an honest look at all the married couples you know are any of them still truly in love?!? NO and most of them are miserable. I know this sounds mean but I'm just being honest. Get the divorce, find someone else, learn your lesson and never get married again or the same thing will happen!!!

Answer 6

Hmmm. OK, if you're both serious about the prospect of saving/working on your marriage, counseling would be a good first step. Kudos to you for being up for that, many men would not be. Having said that, if you opt for the "open relationship" or what-have-you... based on what I've seen happen w/ some friends of mine who tried that - let's just say that "open relationship" ends up being a kinda euphemistic way of saying, "I/we don't want to be in this relationship anymore." What's happening w/ you and your wife is unfortunately a common occurance among people who marry young, or have been together exclusively from a young age. Go to counseling. Maybe it will give you both clarity on what's behind these feelings. Good luck!

Answer 7

Goodness, lots of stuff going on there...anyways i am a legal secretary and i hear of lots of things everyday...Please do go to counseling as that is the best thing for you both. Are there any children involved i take it no as you probably would have mentioned it. Also, my mom had me when she was 18 years old she cheated on my dad when i was 14 years old because she said "i didn't get to date other men, i was young, i never had any boyfriends other than your dad, i didn't get to explore the world and have a teenage life" but now she regrets doing it she is married however to the other man but is not in a happy relationship. I believe that couseling will help her and you both and you may want to do counseling separetly also, as you are more than likely have some thoughts in your mind too that you need to get out. Anyways..hope that helps you..but please do get help with a counselor, and don't not do it because it is expensive, it will be worth it.

Answer 8

Interesting, I would separate out the finances now. Get separate accts. Your current shared acct to pay bills and bills only. These bills are shared expenses so you both need to contribute half the money to cover these. Next start another shared acct for house hold stuff like food. Again you both need to match each other on this shared expense. The rest of the money each of you have should be kept in your own accts. If I was you I would recommend savings as much as you can. If she is going to try and meet other guys she is going to be spending money to look sexy. There is no reason why you should be having your money that you earned spent on her doing that. This separation of money should make you both stronger and individuals and maybe even more attracted to each other. If things do progress to divorce you also have a leg to stand on to afford the expenses involved.

Answer 9

Counceling is exactly what you need at this moment!! If she stills feels like she needs other guys, then you need to get a divorce. You should not stay together because of lack of income, or because you feel like you are the perfect guy for her! To her, something is missing...there is a bigger issue!!! marriage is between 2 people and not 2 people and Tom, Dick, and Harry!!! Do not compremise your happiness for someone who does not love just you!!! You deserve better!! If counceling does not work then move on my friend!!! She can't live her life as a single female and be married too...it's not fair to you!!

Answer 10

This woman definitely need some kind of counseling. A married woman does NOT, I repeat NOT, go shopping around for other men. You do this before you marry a person. As far as the sex goes, you are not that naive to believe that she will not give in, or will get raped. Get help fast. The bomb is ticking.