My fiance says that he is ashamed to tell his family that I am pregnant before we are married, but he sure wasn't ashamed to have a sexual relationship with me before we were married. Now, I am pregnant and he says that the only way he would be ok with the pregnancy is if he gets this job promotion that he was told he might get, when our income right now to me is more than enough to take care of a child. Why can't he see past the financial aspect, and look at the joy of a child...our child.
2006-12-15 06:47:30 · 19 answers · asked by nagolesile 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I know that it is hard for you... I face rejection for my own pregnancy but just let it sink in he'll come around... and if he doesn't is he really worth the trouble??
I hope it all works out for you!! Good luck!!
2006-12-15 06:51:32 · answer #1 · answered by Stephanie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK. You say your fiance is ashamed b/c you got pregnant before marriage which obviously says to his family premarital sex.
You also say that he would be OK with this pregnancy if he got a promotion?
How do these tie together? I don't mean that how it sounds...like you are being dumb. I mean, what is HIS mentality on this? How does getting more money make him not ashamed...when money isn't the issue in the first place, rather it's premarital sex?
He is probably just nervous, but you should point out the positive aspects and let him know that it's not about money...it's about love. Money will not make his family accept this if they are having a problem with the premarital sex issue. But you need to sit down and talk to him about it. Get him involved. Have him go to all the doctor's visits, read up on where you are in the progress of your pregnancy and tell him about it...take him to pregnancy classes, etc. The more involved he gets, the more he will see that it is exciting!
Also, tell him not to stress so much over his family and/or job. You aren't having an abortion are you? If not, then his family will find out sooner or later and I'm sure that if they aren't happy now, they will be when that baby gets here!
2006-12-15 14:55:05 · answer #2 · answered by Hootie562 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take his disposition as a future warning sign if you do marry him. He obviously cares ALOT about what people think. Granted, getting pregnant before marriage is usually unaccepted by most families, but if you are already engaged, that must mean the relationship is headed to marriage - you just may want to walk down the aisle a little sooner.
Also, there is NEVER a good time to have a baby financially - so $$ should never be a reason - and in the event he doesn't get this promotion, then what? Life is full of ups and downs - just be sure you take note of how he handles a down swing BEFORE you marry him.
2006-12-15 14:53:08 · answer #3 · answered by pauladee333 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I undrstand that he is slightly stressdd. Children are a huge financial responsibility. But honestly he should have thought about that before he had sex with you or at least used some type of contraceptive(even though those are not 100% effective.) The only for sure way to not get pregnant is to not have sex. He just has to suck it up and accept the responsibility. Either his family will be supportive of him and his new family and accept you and the baby with open arms or they want. Then he will have to decide which is more important to him, his family's approval or his own child.
2006-12-15 14:54:58 · answer #4 · answered by CHOCOLATE_SCORP 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats the mans job, men are to worry about the financial aspect of it, while the women are consumed by the baby aspect.
Be glad he is...what if you were a single mom to be trying to make it on your own. With all the worries that come just from the pregnancy, think of having to worry w/ the income to support yourself and the child, not to mention what you are going to do while you are out of work. Now thats scary on top of scary.
2006-12-15 14:59:57 · answer #5 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow as if being pregnant isn't hard enough. It sounds to me like your fiance is scared/nervous of this whole situation. As you said he was not ashamed to be having sex with you before marriage. I think you need to talk to him and tell him how this has made you feel. Tell him that $$ is not the big thing here, its the two of you and soon to be baby! There are now other things to worry about than $$. I hope all goes well. That's a tough situation!
2006-12-15 14:53:06 · answer #6 · answered by BOOTS! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is being selfish, worrying about what his family will say. Who cares what they will think of him, there is a child growing that will depend on him for love and acceptance. For him to say that he will accept this pregnancy "if" is a copout. If having a child were dependent on his work situation, he should have waited until that was straightened out before he made a baby. But that's neither here nor there. What you need to do is take care of yourself, eat well, rest, get your check-ups, and let himn waste his time worrying about what his family thinks. You and baby will be fine.
2006-12-15 14:51:20 · answer #7 · answered by godiva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this is his way of expressing that he feels afraid. He is concerned that he will be an inadequate father, and this is the only way he knows how to express it. I wouldn't worry, tell him how much you appreciate some of the things he does, make sure he knows you still love him. He doesn't cope well with big events so he needs extra support. Also, he will forget everything once he sees that baby's face.
Everyone gets anxiety over un-planned pregnancies, its normal, its how we express our fears that is different, especially if we have a hard time understanding them ourselves. Go get married now.
2006-12-15 14:58:34 · answer #8 · answered by camandkellysmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, do you want to marry a guy who is ashamed to tell his parents he's making them grandparents? And he tells you the only way he'll be okay with this is if HE gets what HE wants at work? How selfish is that!!! Tell him he's going to be a father...ready or not here comes responsibility...and he'd better step up to the plate and do well, or you won't marry him and you and your child will be somewhere else and he'll be paying support...like it or not! Do not listen to his whine. He sounds really selfish. (If you are lucky, he'll get past this and start to think of you and the baby.)
2006-12-15 14:54:41 · answer #9 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because you are engages to an arrogant jerk it sounds like. Besides, he complains about two things....marriage and money. I would tell his to take a hike if he doesn't want it. I am sure he will LOVE the child support he pays (especially if he gets a promotion because u will get even more). Be a strong women and stand up for yourself. I bet if you tell him off instead of acting all worried and scared he will come around. Besides, is it worth having him around if he doesn't want to be anyways?
2006-12-15 15:09:37 · answer #10 · answered by angie_laffin927 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you had to have known this side of him! well sometimes since men arent the ones going through it they don't have any clue of how to be sympthatic or joyous, fortuneatly after you have your child he will have an epiphany and it WILL get better and as the child gets older he'll learn even more. my fiancee was the same with our first as far as not being supportive but im pregnant with our second and hes so different adn hes a great dad to our 15 month old and hes a better fiancee the more the time passes, so there is definitely hope!!! CONGRATS!!
2006-12-15 14:52:15 · answer #11 · answered by toolate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋