Every year for as long as i can remember we have gone to her parents for christmas dinner, but she will never go to mine... This year we were supposed to go to her brothers but i said it would be nice to have dinner at home!!! So she agreed to cook.. My mum would like to see us and the children christmas morning but she is refusing to go and is saying that the children don't want to go either theywill want to play with their toys. When i asked the children if they wanted to go to nanny's christmas day they said exactly that it feels like she is telling them what to say. My mum will be heartboken if she doesn't see us. As we are mean't to be going to her brothers to see her mum and dad after dinner i have refused to go unless she comes to my mum's but she is still refusing. Am i in the wrong?????
2006-12-15 06:43:59 · 57 answers · asked by whatdoiwant?????? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
They used to get on but my mum stopped visiting because all she used to do was put me down in front of her and it offended her as it was all the time. My mum will still speak and make her feel welcome she always does my wife is the one that holds the grudge.
I told the kids that there will be more presents at nannies and they said that's ok you can bring them b ack for us!!!!
2006-12-15 06:56:41 · update #1
you can go the pub then.
2006-12-15 06:45:09 · answer #1 · answered by fair-and-squire 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sure would be nice to know why your wife refuses to go over to you mum's... I'm going to take a shot in the dark - seems like several of your respondents to your question are thinking on the sames lines... What is up? Mum - you better be British... sounds like your mum might have a smothering effect on her son!!! maybe mum isn't so happy about her boy being married to that women (that would be your wife...)...
It sounds like you've been married for a while - lets assume mum is over the top and you've allowed this to happen - your wife is right about not going over the mum's house... if this is the case - I would assume you and your wife have had several conversations about this problem! IF NOT - that go ask her the question instead of this place.... if mum makes life miserable for your wife you have two choices...
1. go back and live with mum...
2. Tell mum she is the problem and until she learns boundaries no one including yourself will be visiting...
Now, not to let you off the hook since I bet mum is the issue = if your wife is the problem - controlling and keeping you from your side of the family - again two choices...
1. invite mum over to your house
2. go to mum's - leave the wife at home and take the kids if she doesn't want to go...
And the kids don't have a choice in the matter... and tell the wife not to interfere with the decision....
2006-12-15 06:58:22 · answer #2 · answered by D. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all if what you say is true then, No your not in the wrong.
If your mom lives close to you, why don't you run the kids over after they've played with the present for a while? Or invite your mom over Christmas morning...she would love to see the kids playing with all the toys I'm sure.
Stand your ground on the not going to her brothers...If your always doing stuff with her family she has to be willing to give a little and not just take!
2006-12-15 06:51:57 · answer #3 · answered by jab92593 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there a reason that your mom can't come to your house? Your wife will feel empowered having the dinner at her home . Also, the children would miss being home to play with their toys. I remember always having to leave my toys and go to grandmom.
Or, have your mom over Christmas Eve. Mother in laws can be tough on the wife's. Why the hard feelings? See if you can talk with your wife and your mom about burying the hatchet. Remember to support your wife on what happened and you may be surprised at the results.
2006-12-15 07:21:02 · answer #4 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you asked her why? It does sound unreasonable and unkind! Of course your Mum wants to see her grandchildren. What I would then suggest, is have your meal at home. Then tell her you are taking the kids to see your mum for an hour, and will meet her at her brothers house. Or take the kids to see your Mum before lunch! Either way she has to compromise as this is what marriage is all about. Two families uniting. As another suggestion, you could tell her fine,we will go to your brother's on the condition my mother comes with!! If all this fails, I would put my foot down and not go with her! Where is her christmas spirit for one and where is her compasion for the children's other granny?
2006-12-15 06:55:15 · answer #5 · answered by lynne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why not ask your mum to come over and watch the kids open there presents at home, much easier all round plus kids get to play with all there toys. It is hard when it comes deciding what to do on Christmas day and at end of day Christmas is for the kids. Have meal at home then maybe go out in evening.
2006-12-15 06:54:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's important to have your own traditions when you get married and when you expand that family to include children. It was very important when I was younger to my mother that we spent Christmas morning at home with our immediate family and that we spent time during the holiday season with our extended family such as grandparents. But.....if she's cooking why not invite your mother over to spend time with the children, with their toys, and it will ease the stress that your wife must be feeling. It's hard to make the holidays for your family and to have the perfect meal. Maybe she just wants the day to concentrate on cooking because it's no fun to rush preparing a meal-especially a meaningful meal like Christmas dinner.
2006-12-15 06:54:52 · answer #7 · answered by question asker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seem like both of you have to sit down and talk about the situation. It seem like your wife is having a problem with your parents. I will fine a day when both of your have time to sit and talk. First I will try to see exactly what's wrong with her and vice versa. Talking to each other will help your come to a compromise. Try to remind her that the kids will always be able to play with the toys and chritsmas only come around once a year. And whatever you do don't yell and keep calm. Good luck
2006-12-15 06:51:12 · answer #8 · answered by blastoffnetwork 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not, she should understand that now your family is a part of her family now. I am geussing that she isnt too fond of your mom or dad, especially if it sounds like the kids are being told what to say. You should take stand this year and tell her your not going to go over her parents house if you dont go over to your parents house xmas morning. She might be correct in saying that the kids will want to stay home and play with their toys but all you have to do to change their mind is tell them that "gramma and grampa" are gonna have more presents for them, lol. Your wife needs to grow up a little and just deal with it, its only one xmas morning after all......
2006-12-15 06:48:32 · answer #9 · answered by lil_cuddlebutt_17 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not in the wrong at all. She's purely selfish and disrespectful. You have got to stop being her door mat, stand up for yourself and children and make her understand that your family is equally important. Your children will regret not having the contact with their grandparents. They will not be around forever. Put your foot down. Talk about fairness and equity. Ask her how she would feel when your children, as adults, decide not to visit her at Christmas because their respective spouses do not want to.
2006-12-15 06:59:24 · answer #10 · answered by RightLeft 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Drive to your mother's house early in the morning, but before you go, put all of the ungrateful kid's presents in your car.
On the way to your mom's donate the presents to a church.
Spend the day with your mother and when you get home you can explain to everyone that this is the day they needed to learn that Christmas is about family not presents.
2006-12-15 06:55:22 · answer #11 · answered by DannyK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋