What do you say to a relative when their husband just asked for a divorce?

Question

A relative of mine just got asked for a divorce by her husband. What should I say to either lighten the mood or show my sympathy??

Answer 1

I don't think it's safe to attempt levity too soon, not unless you really know this relative well and are sure that she will scan the humor.

The all purpose "I'm sorry, please let me know if you need a shoulder to cry on" is a good start.

FWIW, unless the soon-to-be ex-husband is so horrifically evil that he's being sought by the police in nine different states or something like that, I'd also avoid any derogatory or derisive references to the soon-to-be ex. Your relative might be feeling ambiguous about him, and although she might be okay with saying bad things about him herself, she might suddenly become defensive or insulted if other people start saying bad things. (She might also feel that if people say bad things about the soon-to-be ex, they're insulting her since she did, after all, choose to marry him.)

I would say that your best way to show sympathy is listen to her when she wants to talk, don't say anything that might upset her, and maybe do something like take her out somewhere where she can have fun that doesn't remind her of her soon-to-be ex.

And be patient with her, because people grieve for the end of a relationship at their own pace. Try not to urge her to do things faster than she's ready to and let her know that you are ready to listen if she wants to talk.

Good luck to you and your relative.

Answer 2

Whatever you do say, don't say "I know how you feel." You should try to not say a lot, but let the person talk. Just give her all the time you can and some comforting. Ask her if she want you to be around or if she want some time for herself. Take her out of the house and go somewhere with her. Doing that will help her think bout something else.

Answer 3

Honestly, being a guy you should say NOTHING. Nothing you can possibly say will help her the way she is feeling now and she does not need a GUY trying to sympathize.

I recently had your exact same scenario happen to me and all I did was go to her house, help her with chores like mowing the lawn etc that her husband usually did. It's all you can really do. Just by you being there and doing those small tasks shows her that you care and that not all guys are like her ex.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear that. If you feel like you need to get out for a night give me a call.

When you break up with someone it feels like you have a LOT of spare time on your hands being alone and getting out with friends can be a Godsend!

Answer 5

"Am sorry to hear. If I can do anything to help let me know." Just standing by showing your support is good for her to know. Even when you can't be around all the time. Check in every couple of weeks by phone. Don't get to involved to where it brings you down to. Good luck.

Answer 6

Just tell them you're sorry that they're going through this and let them know that you're here for them. Dont ask for a lot of details. If they want to talk they will on their own. Eventually she'll probably want to talk about it frequently and in a lot of detail. Make sure you listen and that you're on her side.

Answer 7

Just let her know your there for her if she needs someone to talk to.

Try and have a list of things ready to make her see that life isn't over and the pro's of getting divorced.

IF she is deeply in love it will hurt awhile, so just let her know your there.

Answer 8

Just say I'm sorry you're going through a hard time. I'm there for you if you need me.

Answer 9

Take her out for a dinner and maybe a drink. Let HER talk about it. YOU just listen.....for now, anyway.

Answer 10

You say "I am here for you and if you want any help- I'm your man." Show some sensitivity!