She wanted the divorce, I am living with my mother, although I am with family I am far from the people I love.
2006-12-15 06:29:43 · 7 answers · asked by Johnboy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am in the same place as you - my wife and I separated three months ago, at her request, and I have been in a sort of limbo since. I am lost without her.
I deal with it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. I hold on to the thread of hope that we will get back together, but given the crushing load of problems that led up to our separation it is hard to stay optimistic.
It helps a bunch that I am seeing a therapist - he helps me to keep my priorities straight. He also helps me to find the strength to not beat myself up all the time over my part of our break-up. I decided to focus on getting to know my faults and on identifying what I can change to ensure that we have the best chance I can offer should we get to try again to make it work.
There are several books I have read that offered spledid advice - one is "Getting Back Together" and another is "Getting your Lover Back" - both really helped me to realize that the world hasn't ended. Reading the "Serenity Prayer" about 45 times a day helps too.
For me, Thanksgiving and my wife's birthday (two days later) went by without consent from her to come home, even for an hour. I was devistated, but I kept my head and a week later we went out to dinner with the kids and our grandson and had a really good time. I gave her her birthday gift then.
Christmas now looms dark on the horizon for me, as I am sure it does for you. Look deep inside yourself and find the part of you that loves her purely and unconditionally, and draw it to the surface with all of your strength. Find a wonderful, simple, unassuming way to show her that you love her (make sure that it can in no way be construed to expect anything in return - to the point that you ensure she will open it without you).
You know in your heart what would make her smile - give her that as your gift. And just leave it at that. You will feel better, and perhaps in time you will find that love does spring eternal...
I am sitting in a shopping mall crying as I write this, trying to find the right way to give my own wife her Christmas smile. I will update you when I figure it out.
I wish you the best this Christmas season. If nothing else, take comfort in the cold fact that you aren't alone in your misery - millions of hearts are aching for answers in this cold world, and for most of us the answers are in our own hands and we just haven't figured it out yet.
If you need to talk or vent or just scream - feel free to email me at crcottre@yahoo.com.
Merry Christmas to you and to your wife - I hope you both find peace and love.
2006-12-15 06:57:25 · answer #1 · answered by Rick 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do something with your friends and your family. the only reason that you are feeling the blues is cuz you just got divorced. You may not know it, but there are people there with you right now who luv and care bout you. Just has some fun over the holidays. Make your holiday worth wild!!
2006-12-15 06:37:48 · answer #2 · answered by becca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow I'm sorry to hear that~ Really ~ At least you have family to fall back in, but some other people don't have any! Good Luck and keep being that good man you are~~
2006-12-15 06:35:43 · answer #3 · answered by YO~NO~FUI E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it depends on how many yrs of marriage, why did u divorce in the first place? just go out anf keep urself busy and tired, until u ready to move on
2006-12-15 06:34:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is trie to get her of your mind and be with your family and just trie to enjoy the holiday P.S Merry christmas
2006-12-15 06:37:18 · answer #5 · answered by Rocker182 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am enjoying the peace and quiet. No more NAg, nag ,nagging.
It's great!
2006-12-15 06:35:28 · answer #6 · answered by rudytute 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's how i feel. even though i am with my family i miss him and i want to be with him.
2006-12-15 06:48:16 · answer #7 · answered by pikachu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋