how to leave my husband of 7 years?

Question

I have been asked back by someone i really love and i have been lying to myself for 7 years that my current husband is who i want. I have one child by him and I feel stuck, I don't know whether to just stick it out here or go where my heart tells me

Answer 1

Are you sure it's you heart and not the seven year itch

You with someone and have a child don't lie to yourself by all means but know what you want befoer you make any decision. Will this new guy give you everything your current husband gives you plus more, or do you just feel stuck in a rut with your hubby.

Marriage is work, don't apply if you can't work.

Answer 2

Normally I would say follow your heart, but this comes with lots of problems. You are married and have been for 7 years. All of a sudden this person is back and and wants you. People change in 7 years and you may find that you really don't want him, just that fact that you can't have him right now makes it that much more interesting. You do have a child to consider here too. Are you willing to let your husband have custody of the child and you run off into the sunset with a guy from your past? This could happen. You have alot to think about right now and you should think long and hard about it.

Answer 3

How sad! Your other fellow sounds like a perfect candidate for adultery, are you certain he is who you really deserve? If he'll walk back into YOUR life and ask you to come back to him when you've been married 7 years and have a family...he sounds like a fellow who couldn't keep a marriage of his own together and now he's rebounding to you. Where has he been the past 7 years, where was he before you got married?

I'd have to say seriously...would you even have to hesitate with your answer to this guy? If your child and husband aren't coming first in this equation, then the only problem you have is dealing with your guilt when you call it quits to run into the arms/bed of this other guy. I rather doubt he's talking marriage...that would create ties, I doubt he wants that.

However, 7 years from now or much sooner, depending on when this other fellow decides to move on again...don't be surprised if there's no one there for YOU to ask back.

"Sticking it out?" an odd way to refer to your marriage and family life...that says a great deal, darlin' if that's all you believe you've been doing the past 7 years you should have called it quits before you had a child to think about.

I had a similar thing happen to me when I was dating my husband...obviously my answer was no thanks and today that guy has gone through 3 marriages, has several kids from each and is an alcoholic...

We can't all be lucky tho...so you are the only one who can make this decision one way or the other...however it turns out I hope that your child doesn't end up the loser in the entire scenario.

Answer 4

Are you not sure it's just the "7 year itch"?

IF your husband has done things that aren't right, follow your heart. BUT if he's been a good husband, a good father and supporter, then I'd have to tell you that you need to go back to the day you and he exchanged wedding vows.

There's nothing saying this other guy can nor will make a good father or husband, or he will even marry you.

Follow your head along with your heart on this one.

Answer 5

You must look in a mirror and ask yourself some serious questions, and I hope you can answer them truthfully.

First, you need just put this new relationship to the side for a few minutes as you answer my questions, ok?

Question number 1: Why were you in a relationship with someone you didn't love all this time?
A) because you thought you were better off with "someone" than be alone

B) You use to be in love him, but so many thngs have been said or done that your love got killed.

C) You are stuck because you have a child, and you felt that it looked better to be in a relationship because of what others in your family (or society) thought.

D) You felt guilty getting pregnant and bringing a child into the world, so you thought the least you could do is keep his natural parents "together."

E) This is the only way you can survive, because you couldn't make it on your own, financially. If you won the lottery, you'd leave in a heartbeat.

OKay, you're answer may be one or more than one.

Below is my responses.

If you chose letter:

A) Please don't get defensive, but this is something very selfish to do to another human being. If you loved someone, and they just stayed with you because they had no one better or were afraid to be alone --- wouldn't that piss you off? They would be wasting years of their life, and worse off -- wasting YOUR YOUTH!! I am sorry, but I just truly think this is so stupid and selfish. Please do both of yourselves a favor and leave now. But have a LONG waiting period before you jump into a relationship with this new guy -- even though you feel your relationship with him has advanced too far. BACK UP! Don't get preganant by him, don't live with him, and don't see him everyday. Sexuality should not be prioritized here -- forget sex for awhile. Spend time talking over coffee and find out how he sees the world. What does he believe? What are his ideals? What does he consider his downfalls or flaws? Forget about that "loving feeling" for a bit, and get realistic for awhile.
"Date" him for a year before you make a serious move of moving in together. God, please don't get pregnant until you have been with him for a few years! And the cheating you've done doesn't count! You must start over!! (If you can't afford to be on your own, then see question answered below)

B) To give up and get into another relationship before trying to salvage a relationship that had true love is totally unfair. This is totally unfair to both of you and foolish (The grass is NOT greener on the other side.) If your present husband once loved you and cared about your needs --- that is because the relationship was new. Right now, this new guy is a new relationship, so it is unfair to compare him with what your husband gives or doesn't give you.
You owe it to yourself, your husband, and your baby to tell your lover that you need time away to think -- a few months. Now, you must get deeply involved in counseling. Start going by yourself, then invite your husband after a couple sessions.

C) See reply to answer "A"-- it's still unfair to attach yourself to someone for the wrong reason


D) See reply to answer "A" -- it's still unfair to attach yourself to someone for the wrong reason

E) Again, don't get defensive here, but what the heck?!!! Are you someone who is actually prioritizing your comfort over your overall well-being and happiness?? What would you be teaching your child? I'd rather be with a man that I love living in the ghetto, than live with a man I don't love in a mansion.
If you are afraid of going out there and making it on your own, then you are truly letting fear run your life. The worst part, is that you are USING your husband. Get some training, get certified in something and get out. Get childsupport and whatever other support until you can stand on your own two feet.


********** Regardless of what letter you chose, your new relationship DOES NOT START until you are truly and legally divorced. Have the decency to stop "seeing" him (if you are, that is) until you have everything finalized.
Once that is done, you back up and start a "dating" process with him for a year.
DON"T go and jump into another heavy relationship!!!
If you are scared to be alone, then remember it is wrong to USE people because you are scared. Don't be afraid -- you can grow up and be independent.

Answer 6

Nice...you want to hurt your husband and rip apart your childs secure life. Do your husband a favor and leave while he keeps his child. If you think this is harsh, turn it around and pretend your husband wrote these words.

Doesn't commitment mean anything anymore?

Answer 7

Going where your heart tells you is unbelievably selfish. Your vows didn't say, or until you change your mind, or until the guy you RAELLY love comes along. If it werent for your child I would say go. How can you do that to your kid for your own personal happiness? You need to stop talking to this other guy, NOW! Is your pleasure worth their pain?

Answer 8

i think the question your asking is not for anyone to answer or to give advice on .,,,,,,this should be worked out by you and your husband maybe he feels the same way . you see i had asked the same question years ago and asked some of my friends the same question bad idea,some were single and some were so unhappy so u can imagine the advice i received ,so sorry for it now so, work it out yourself sweety

Answer 9

Please remember the grass is not greener on the other side. Water what u have there was one point in your life that u couldnt live without him cuz u married him....so try to get the fire back with your husband.

FORBIDDEN FRUIT ALWAYS LOOKS BETTER BUT ITS NOT!!!!

Being with your Mr Right does not mean you can sit back and relax, though. Every relationship needs to be nurtured and cherished if it is to survive....Water what you have at home.

Answer 10

Tell ur husband.i dont see how leaving him can even be a option .you committed to him when you got married that day.I think you should tell him beacause he is getting hurt the longer you hide it from him.He can be Truly Loved by some other Women.Let him go,and find real Love else where,And as for you go on on where ur hearts tell you,but dont make the same mistake!!!!!